Who cares if the universe is telling me not to do the accelerated program (see previous post) – cause I’ve been accepted into the program and will now be graduating in December! Wahoo! In 7 months I’m going to be a real nurse. EEK!
I’m really excited and hoping the universe will not try to screw with me again. :-)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Optimal Trajectory
I heard the term Optimal Trajectory while watching the movie Men who Stare at Goats the other day. I can't say that the movie is awe inspiring or life altering, but those words struck a chord with me. The idea behind Optimal Trajectory is that for every person, given his/her beginning circumstances and innate ability, there exists an ideal path for that person's life. In other words, life is like a river, if you choose your optimal trajectory, you flow with the current and reach your goal smoothly. If you decide to go against your optimal trajectory, you’re constantly fighting the current.
The phrase didn’t stick with me because of some big life path, but rather one small element of my life: the accelerated degree. Yes; I’m still talking about it. Even though I haven’t been accepted into the program, it feels like it just won’t go away. Ever since I decided I wanted to do the accelerated program almost two years ago, I’ve been coming up against road block after road block. First it was courses that weren’t going to be credited, then it was a scheduling issue with my statistics class, then it was a rearranging of my clinical rotation and now this mishap with my GPA. It would appear that the universe is telling me this is NOT my optimal trajectory, right? Then why can’t I close that damn book and move on?
I’m still waiting on an administrative decision to recalculate my GPA so I can actually fight for my right to be in the program, but they are so slow. It’s been almost two weeks since my initial meeting with my director. I’ve called four times and still nothing. Even if I get my GPA corrected, there is still lots of fighting to do. Is it really worth it? For some reason, I can’t fight the feeling that I’m going to get into the program. With every roadblock and every bump in the road, I’ve always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it would all work out. Maybe if I didn’t have that feeling I could just stop fighting and accept this new reality but I just can’t shake it.
I already know that if I don’t get in, I’m going to have this nagging feeling until mid-July which is when the program is set to begin. From now until that day, there is still hope... which means I won’t be able to move on until then.
The phrase didn’t stick with me because of some big life path, but rather one small element of my life: the accelerated degree. Yes; I’m still talking about it. Even though I haven’t been accepted into the program, it feels like it just won’t go away. Ever since I decided I wanted to do the accelerated program almost two years ago, I’ve been coming up against road block after road block. First it was courses that weren’t going to be credited, then it was a scheduling issue with my statistics class, then it was a rearranging of my clinical rotation and now this mishap with my GPA. It would appear that the universe is telling me this is NOT my optimal trajectory, right? Then why can’t I close that damn book and move on?
I’m still waiting on an administrative decision to recalculate my GPA so I can actually fight for my right to be in the program, but they are so slow. It’s been almost two weeks since my initial meeting with my director. I’ve called four times and still nothing. Even if I get my GPA corrected, there is still lots of fighting to do. Is it really worth it? For some reason, I can’t fight the feeling that I’m going to get into the program. With every roadblock and every bump in the road, I’ve always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it would all work out. Maybe if I didn’t have that feeling I could just stop fighting and accept this new reality but I just can’t shake it.
I already know that if I don’t get in, I’m going to have this nagging feeling until mid-July which is when the program is set to begin. From now until that day, there is still hope... which means I won’t be able to move on until then.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
My Little Pony.
Well, not exactly MY Little Pony... more like, HIS Little Pony. Mr. Perfect bought himself a toy... err... a car last week: a Mustang. Oh Wait! It’s a ‘96 Mustang SVT Cobra – I think you’re suppose to say the whole thing when referring to it. For those not in the know (like me), a Mustang is also referred to as a Pony. I can’t say I’m a fan of it, but it makes him so happy and giddy that I can’t help but smile when I see it. Much to my embarrassment, it rumbles loudly and makes an awful stink, but I guess that’s the price of love. He had been looking for one for a while now, but I believe he had a preference for one from the 80s. Having seen the look of the 80-something Mustangs, I can assure you I’m ecstatic he went with a 90-something car. He told me he loved the ones from the 80s because that’s the car he worshiped as a kid. I told him after he chose the one he bought that I’m happy not to have a car reminiscent of the Delorean from Back to the Future in my driveway! I told him he should get one from the 60s but he frowned and said if he had 100k of disposable income he would. Hah! Suddenly the ‘96 was looking quite nice!
Muscle cars really aren’t my thing and had he pulled up in that vehicle on our first date, he might not have gotten a second date... let alone the moniker Mr. Perfect.:-)
Anyway, here’s a pic from the ad :
It's not that bad, right?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Options.
I met with my director this morning and it appears my stats class was not the reason I was not accepted into the program... my grade point average was the problem. Apparently, because I was exempted from two courses last year (psychology and chemistry – due to previous classes I had done), their replacement courses aren’t included in my GPA. In other words, my GPA is calculated using my scores for 83 credits, but divided by 89 credits. I’m not sure I’m explaining it very well. :-S Essentially, my GPA is 3.2 but according to their calculations it’s 2.99 which makes me fall short of the cut off line of 3.0. According to my director, they chose to accept everyone with a 3.0 average, even if their requirements were for a 2.5. There were just too many candidates. As well, my 2.99 was a major debating point on the selection committee, but in the end, the rule said I just didn’t make the 3.0 cut off. Armed with this new knowledge, I’ve been told I’m next on the list for a spot. Should someone quit, I’m in.
But now, I just don’t know what I want. I crunched the numbers and talked to a few people today and the difference between the accelerated and the normal program is actually 3,094$ and 4 months. I’m torn between the two. My list of positive points are looking pretty good right now... if I get the chance, should I push myself for an early graduation? What’s 4 months in the grand scheme of things? My director kept telling me the accelerated program was brutal and that I shouldn’t even be pushing for it, while a recent nurse graduate told me it’s a piece of cake.
Gah! What to do. What to do.
But now, I just don’t know what I want. I crunched the numbers and talked to a few people today and the difference between the accelerated and the normal program is actually 3,094$ and 4 months. I’m torn between the two. My list of positive points are looking pretty good right now... if I get the chance, should I push myself for an early graduation? What’s 4 months in the grand scheme of things? My director kept telling me the accelerated program was brutal and that I shouldn’t even be pushing for it, while a recent nurse graduate told me it’s a piece of cake.
Gah! What to do. What to do.
Friday, April 9, 2010
5 months. 5 grand.
Well, it looks like I won’t be graduating in December 2010 as I had previously hoped. :-( I wasn’t accepted into the accelerated program because of scheduling technicality. Ugh. I needed my statistics course to be accepted, and because I had a scheduling conflict last Fall, I wasn’t able to do it. As I’ve mentioned before, I had been able to rearrange my clinical practicum schedule to do my statistics class in the Spring, but my acceptance was dependant on the number of applicants. They’ve always had a dozen or so applicants, but this year they had 32. Blarg. 21 where accepted.
It really sucks because students who failed practicums last year where accepted before me. I get that, in theory, there’s a risk I don’t pass my stats class, but I think I should still be accepted before people who have failed classes, no?
Anyway, I’m done fighting this. It seems like I’ve had constant road blocks with this. I guess I’m just not meant to graduate in December. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive things:
- I get to attend a real convocation - something I've been looking forward to for a very long time;
- With four classes one semester and 3 the next, it should be fairly mellow compared to previous years;
- I might work part time in health care, which means more experience;
- I won’t start working already burnt out from school;
- More time to study for my national exams;
I guess it’s not so bad, right?
...
It really sucks because students who failed practicums last year where accepted before me. I get that, in theory, there’s a risk I don’t pass my stats class, but I think I should still be accepted before people who have failed classes, no?
Anyway, I’m done fighting this. It seems like I’ve had constant road blocks with this. I guess I’m just not meant to graduate in December. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive things:
- I get to attend a real convocation - something I've been looking forward to for a very long time;
- With four classes one semester and 3 the next, it should be fairly mellow compared to previous years;
- I might work part time in health care, which means more experience;
- I won’t start working already burnt out from school;
- More time to study for my national exams;
I guess it’s not so bad, right?
...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Congratulations – You’re an adult now
I’ve now completed two rotations (neurology and psychiatry), with three to go (pediatrics, obstetrics and community health). Tomorrow I start my rotation in peds. Since they’ve had so much trouble finding teachers, they are opting for an alternative teaching style for our group. Instead of having one teacher for a group of 5 students, each student will be assigned to a nurse and we will follow her (or his) schedule for 8, 12-hour shifts. It’s actually an awesome deal for us because we get one-to-one teaching and an opportunity to learn even more. This also means I will be doing my first, “official” 12 hour shifts... both days AND nights. I've never worked nights before so it's a whole new experience for me. It will be my chance to peer into my future and see how life will be doing shift work.
Besides starting my first night shift (8 pm to 8 am) tomorrow, I’m also getting two kids and a couple of dogs. My sister and her husband and going on trip and Mr. Perfect and I will be staying with their 12 and 14 year old boys (as well as their two dogs). While they are gone I’ll be working 1 night shift and 3 day shifts... that means Mr. Perfect will be on his own for the first night, as well as for three supper/evenings while I’m at the hospital. I guess you can say it’s a dry run for the real world within a day I go from student to shift work with two kids and three dogs. Wheeeee!
Besides starting my first night shift (8 pm to 8 am) tomorrow, I’m also getting two kids and a couple of dogs. My sister and her husband and going on trip and Mr. Perfect and I will be staying with their 12 and 14 year old boys (as well as their two dogs). While they are gone I’ll be working 1 night shift and 3 day shifts... that means Mr. Perfect will be on his own for the first night, as well as for three supper/evenings while I’m at the hospital. I guess you can say it’s a dry run for the real world within a day I go from student to shift work with two kids and three dogs. Wheeeee!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Teacher’s Pet
I’m currently doing my second of 5 clinical rotations in psychiatry. My first rotation was a six week stint in neurology. I really loved the department and got to work with some amazing patients, but I can’t say I loved my practicum. So far, my current practicum has been pretty sweet! The major difference between the two rotations is mostly my standing in the group. Because of scheduling issues, my group was split into several groups for the first rotation so this is the first time we are all together. I’ve been matched up with some good students both times, but there always seems to be a pecking order. In my neurology rotation I was on the bottom of the totem pole while on this one, I’m the star pupil. The difference is amazing, yet somewhat disturbing.
In my neurology rotation we were 7 students and I would say we were all on an even playing field (somewhat anyway). The teacher assigned to us, we’ll call her Ginger, was teaching for the very first time so she had quite a few challenges. No matter how hard I tried I always got a bad vibe from her. I always got the feeling she didn’t feel I was doing a good job, even though I was doing exactly the same thing as the others. My friend and fellow student Sarah (not her real name) was definitely the star pupil in the group... and she didn’t seem to see why I was so frustrated. In her eyes, Ginger was an awesome teacher who gave us lots of freedom and didn’t ask much of us. Maybe it was because I was a more demanding student: I didn’t like when she cancelled our clinical (something she did 4 times) or cut them short (at least 2 hours every day) and would get frustrated because she never gave me any of the challenging cases. Sarah on the other hand got to do all the cool stuff: insert an NG tube, insert a couple of IVs, insert a catheter, attend a neuro surgery, etc. I did nothing but bath my patients... and I mean NOTHING. It was incredibly frustrating. All the other students got to try new things and each passing was just another week I didn’t get to do anything. I ended up with a B, which was the lowest grade she gave. Humph. Anyway, the clinical is over with so I’m moving on.
In my new rotation, however, I’m the one getting the special treatment. Whenever I make a mistake my teacher (Nadine), brushes it off saying something like, I know you knew better, so don’t worry about it. I get to do things no one else does too. On Friday I’ll be at the children and adolescent psychiatric unit; a privilege no one else ever gets. She’s also said that next week I can job shadow the psychiatric nurse in Emerg. She’s constantly praising me and telling me what a bright student I am and how much potential I have. It’s awesome to have all these opportunities, but I’m also feeling guilty about it. This new group of students isn’t as evenly matched as my previous group. Out of five students including myself I would say two are strong students, two are strong students lacking self-confidence and one is out in left field. Also, Nadine is the type of teacher who makes you suffer if you aren’t up to her standards or if you don’t stand by your convictions. She yells at students, degrades them and makes them cry and want to quit on a daily basis. It really sucks for the students who have a target on their back, but they also didn’t come prepared for the clinical either. One student in particular, “Linda” is a mature student who has been doing her Bachelor for-ev-er. She’s failed a few classes because, as she said, “the teacher made her fail”, and keeps screwing up on a daily basis. On our first day she showed up in street wear when everyone else was in scrubs. That same week she missed her assignment because “no one told her she had to go to the hospital to get it” and yet the other 4 students had clearly understood we had an assignement. It takes her 30 minutes to give meds to 2 patients when it takes about 5 to 10 minutes for everyone else. Nadine LOVES to pick on her and boy does she! The more Nadine screams, the more Linda flails. It’s really sad to see.
All this to say that it’s awesome getting special treatment, but I don’t want the other students to start hating me. I mean, for one thing it’s not fair and for another, we’re going to be together for another 4 months! I keep trying to remind myself to just take advantage of all the opportunities I’m getting (it is my career, after all) while remaining level headed as possible. I try my best to help out the students and encourage them, because two of them just need to know they are doing a good job, but even that doesn’t work because now Nadine has told me that she’ll be lowering my grade if I keep helping everyone else. Grrr.
Anyway, I guess I just have to remember to keep my ego in check because my next rotation could do a 180! It’s tough when so much of your grade depends on how well you “connect” with the prof.
***
In my neurology rotation we were 7 students and I would say we were all on an even playing field (somewhat anyway). The teacher assigned to us, we’ll call her Ginger, was teaching for the very first time so she had quite a few challenges. No matter how hard I tried I always got a bad vibe from her. I always got the feeling she didn’t feel I was doing a good job, even though I was doing exactly the same thing as the others. My friend and fellow student Sarah (not her real name) was definitely the star pupil in the group... and she didn’t seem to see why I was so frustrated. In her eyes, Ginger was an awesome teacher who gave us lots of freedom and didn’t ask much of us. Maybe it was because I was a more demanding student: I didn’t like when she cancelled our clinical (something she did 4 times) or cut them short (at least 2 hours every day) and would get frustrated because she never gave me any of the challenging cases. Sarah on the other hand got to do all the cool stuff: insert an NG tube, insert a couple of IVs, insert a catheter, attend a neuro surgery, etc. I did nothing but bath my patients... and I mean NOTHING. It was incredibly frustrating. All the other students got to try new things and each passing was just another week I didn’t get to do anything. I ended up with a B, which was the lowest grade she gave. Humph. Anyway, the clinical is over with so I’m moving on.
In my new rotation, however, I’m the one getting the special treatment. Whenever I make a mistake my teacher (Nadine), brushes it off saying something like, I know you knew better, so don’t worry about it. I get to do things no one else does too. On Friday I’ll be at the children and adolescent psychiatric unit; a privilege no one else ever gets. She’s also said that next week I can job shadow the psychiatric nurse in Emerg. She’s constantly praising me and telling me what a bright student I am and how much potential I have. It’s awesome to have all these opportunities, but I’m also feeling guilty about it. This new group of students isn’t as evenly matched as my previous group. Out of five students including myself I would say two are strong students, two are strong students lacking self-confidence and one is out in left field. Also, Nadine is the type of teacher who makes you suffer if you aren’t up to her standards or if you don’t stand by your convictions. She yells at students, degrades them and makes them cry and want to quit on a daily basis. It really sucks for the students who have a target on their back, but they also didn’t come prepared for the clinical either. One student in particular, “Linda” is a mature student who has been doing her Bachelor for-ev-er. She’s failed a few classes because, as she said, “the teacher made her fail”, and keeps screwing up on a daily basis. On our first day she showed up in street wear when everyone else was in scrubs. That same week she missed her assignment because “no one told her she had to go to the hospital to get it” and yet the other 4 students had clearly understood we had an assignement. It takes her 30 minutes to give meds to 2 patients when it takes about 5 to 10 minutes for everyone else. Nadine LOVES to pick on her and boy does she! The more Nadine screams, the more Linda flails. It’s really sad to see.
All this to say that it’s awesome getting special treatment, but I don’t want the other students to start hating me. I mean, for one thing it’s not fair and for another, we’re going to be together for another 4 months! I keep trying to remind myself to just take advantage of all the opportunities I’m getting (it is my career, after all) while remaining level headed as possible. I try my best to help out the students and encourage them, because two of them just need to know they are doing a good job, but even that doesn’t work because now Nadine has told me that she’ll be lowering my grade if I keep helping everyone else. Grrr.
Anyway, I guess I just have to remember to keep my ego in check because my next rotation could do a 180! It’s tough when so much of your grade depends on how well you “connect” with the prof.
***
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