So Busted

Since our first appointment at the fertility clinic, we’ve had a few initial tests done. Last week the clinic called and asked us to come in to discuss the results. We were nervous because we weren't done all the tests and we figured they wouldn’t be calling us in if everything was perfect. We went in for our appointment on Friday and the news wasn’t good. They’ve discovered some anomalies that makes it really difficult for us to get pregnant on our own. In theory we could get pregnant on our own, but the chance of that happening is about 0.6%. They said our best chance to conceive would be through IVF with ICSI. :-(

ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, pronounced "icksy") is an in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedure in which a single sperm is injected directly into an egg. You could say it's a step beyond IVF. With IVF they put the egg and the sperms together and hope they fertilize, while with ICSI you pay a couple grand more for the fertilization to be done manually. The doctor said our chances of conceiving with ICSI are about 40% to 50%. At least our chances are really good. I still have some testing to be done, so here's hoping there aren't any other issues.

 Obviously, we are both devastated. After a quick meeting with the doctor, we were whisked away to see the nurse who went through all the procedures and pricing and the boat load of tests that need to be done. I started to bawl, I just couldn’t control my emotions. We went from everything is normal to things really aren’t good and we were both blind-sided. The information session with the nurse was so overwhelming.... I'm not even sure I know what she said. I really didn't think I would be so overwhelmed... I'm a nurse, I should get this shit!

 Anyway, we are slowly coming to terms with the diagnosis. I actually never thought there would be anything wrong and the fertility clinic was only going to help us speed things along with an IUI because of my age. All our tests kept coming back negative, so I just never thought...

 We're definitely going to proceed with the IVF with ICSI, we just have to figure out the financial aspect of it. We've decided to focus on having this first child and not worry about whether we can have several (which was our bigger concern before the appointment). We've put adoption on the back burner because it's just too much to deal with right now. It looks like we have a few months of tests and preps to do... not to mention figuring out the finances... so maybe in the Spring.

Name That Country

About a month ago, Bentley got nipped while playing with some big dogs. It was pretty ugly looking when it first happened, but after a course of antibiotics and lots of cleaning, the cut is healing nicely. Recently we’ve noticed the wound looks like it’s gonna leave a scar... a scar that oddly looks like a country! We’ve had a debate over exactly which country it might be, so your feedback would be appreciated! Here’s what the scar looks like when you look at it straight on:

Now from some varying angles and potential countries: France?

Australia?

Not a country, but a province: New Brunswick?

USA?

Let me know what you think!

The reason why I’m not pregnant

Forget the hormonal imbalances, or the timing issues, or any other unknown issues. I think I’ve figured out why I’m not pregnant: I’m just not ready. Most of you would be shocked to hear me say these words cause I’ve been ready for kids most of my life. However, in the last few days I’ve come to the realisation that I might not be in the best place to have a child right now... and maybe the universe realised that. While I was studying, professors all told us that the first year of your career in nursing would be the most difficult and the most stressful. Nevertheless, I always thought I would be above that. However, I recently realised that the stress of the job and shift work might be getting to me. Add to that the difficult adjustment I’ve had with new medication and the subsequent weight gain associated with the new meds and I’ve just not been in the greatest place emotionally in the last few months. I’m constantly exhausted and way too overemotional, as my husband can attest. I’m guessing adding the stress of pregnancy wouldn’t have helped the situation much. So it looks like I need to get healthy. It’s time to stop whining about not being pregnant and start taking care of me... if I could just get off the couch. *sigh*