Friday, April 27, 2007

A sad day

My cousin’s husband, Michel, passed away yesterday at the age of 61 after a year-long battle with cancer. It feels strange to call him my “cousin’s husband” as he was much more of an uncle to me. Quite frankly my cousin, Andréa, and he played the role of aunt and uncle more than most of my actual aunts and uncles. Not to say that my aunts and uncles aren’t great, but most of my aunts and uncles feel more like grand-parents to me.

You see, my father, who would be 75 this year, was child number 10 of 13 children. Andréa’s father was the oldest, so right there were talking quite a few years difference. Add to that fact that my parents had me later in life (my father was 44) and what you get is a whole bunch of years between my cousins and I. In fact, between the oldest cousin (who is actually a grand-mother now) and myself (the youngest cousin) there is a good 35+ years. All this to say that I’ve always considered Andréa and Michel to be like an aunt and uncle to me… probably the aunt and uncle I’m closest too on my father’s side. As well, I’ve always been close to their three children. Chances are if I’m talking about my “cousin”, I’m referring to one of their three children.

So as my father’s family ages (I think his oldest sibling is now 85 or 90), I’ve lost several aunts and uncles, however, this is the first uncle to pass away that I feel I really knew.

Both true blue Maritimers, Michel and Andréa retired to New Brunswick a few years ago after spending the bulk of their life in Montreal. When I was young, my father and I would drive to Montreal to spend a week in the big city. My father would spend the week with his siblings and would drop me off at Andréa and Michel’s place and I would spend the week there with my three cousins, Marc, Suzanne and Caroline. I loved going to their place! They always had the house that all the neighbourhood kids would go too. I always thought of them as pretty cool parents.

I will miss Michel’s caring nature, wonderful sense of humour and laid back personality. He always made me feel welcome in their home and has always supported my many projects.

In his memory, I’d like to share a few of Michel’s photos – he was an accomplished and passionate photographer.

Michel - December 2006:

Thursday, April 26, 2007

House Hunting - Take 1

My first evening of house hunting went very well. My realtor turned out to be very nice and informative. She told me she bought her first house around my age as she was tired of “waiting for a husband”. Ironically she met her husband a month after she bought her house.

I think it’s nice that I have a realtor who went at it on her own – It makes me feel like she understands my situation more.

I saw five houses last night and two of them had real potential. My favourite is this one:

It’s absolutely cute and so “me”! It’s a one and a half wartime style house with two bedrooms on the second floor, one bedroom/office on the first floor and a large bedroom in the basement (rental potential)

My second choice is this one:

Also very cute, this one is a bungalow with two bedrooms on the main floor. It also has huge income potential. It would be fairly easy to turn the basement in a two bedroom apartment as it already has the bedrooms and the washroom.

I’m going to see some more houses on Saturday and then go from there. I’ll keep you posted!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I have a realtor.

I can’t believe things are moving forward! I’m actually going to buy a house… at some point anyway. I met a realtor on Sunday at an open house and she seemed quite nice. I’ve decided I’m going to meet with her and see where things go. She’s bringing me to see some houses on Wednesday. I’m so excited and nervous.

Next week I meet with the mortgage broker. I’m really going to do this! Wheeeee!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Don't give a hairdresser two pictures

I got a haircut today. It’s the first haircut in four months. I had been trying to grow out my hair because I wanted a specific style that needed a little length. I went to a new hairdresser since I still haven’t found one I like. I brought the following picture:

Since the bangs aren’t exactly how I want them, I brought an old picture of myself to use as reference for my BANGS and only my bangs.

After a mass amount of cutting, I asked which picture she was using as reference. Yours, she answered. Crap! After indicating I actually wanted to look like Ashley Scott, she did her best to fix the do, but it was too late. So now I look like I have a helmet on my head. Ugh.

four months of really bad hair for nothing.

Don't even ask. I'm no posting a picture.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

So… I bought a wedding dress today.

No. I’m not going crazy and yes, I really DID buy a wedding dress today. I was out thrift store shopping with a friend today when we saw this gorgeous wedding dress at Frenchy’s. I couldn’t believe it! It was like every dress I had tried on once upon a time. I looked a t the price: $50. My friend and I gawked at it and she said, too bad neither one of us is getting married. That’s when I remembered a consignment shop where the dresses go for $300 to $700. So we went to the consignment shop to check things out. Sure enough, the prices were as I remembered and many of the dresses weren't even as nice as the one we saw. So I went back and bought the dress! I’m going to try and sell it at the consignment shop for $300 on Monday. I swear I’m not crazy!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

A Damn Damp Day

In case you haven’t noticed yet, I like using alliterations. Lame. I know. ☺

The weather around here has been miserable lately. Today we were lucky enough to be treated to high winds combined with a great downpour. Of course, tonight is my practice run with my clinic. The one thing I can say about teaching a clinic is you can never bail out when you don’t feel like running. I could never allow myself to purposely let my group down so I rarely miss a group run.

When I got to the Running Room tonight I was secretly hoping no one would show up. Hoping isn’t really the right word… it was more like pleading to the Gods no one would show up! Well, six of them showed up. I have to say, I was quite impressed by their courage and commitment. Lord knows I wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t absolutely necessary! We did our run and after we all felt fantastic! It’s not easy to run with the rain coming down so hard you can’t see a thing… but man, do you ever feel like you’ve accomplished something amazing once you’re done!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Not so crazy after all

An instructor for the 5 km clinic has been found and therefore I am not needed. I guess I’ll just have to go on dates on Friday nights... dating – that’s an interesting concept.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

It’s Crazy Talk… Right?

As you all know I teach a Learn to Run clinic at the local Running Room. On top of this, I’m training for my fourth half-marathon set for mid-May. Of course, there is also my virtual Learn to Run clinic. So today I get an email from the store manager indicating there is no teacher for the 5 km clinic which starts tomorrow night. The girls I taught in my last clinic are all doing the 5 km clinic. The manager isn’t too bright and often waits till the last minute to get an instructor. I don’t want my girls to go without. If there is no instructor I believe the manager does the clinic and quite frankly, I wouldn’t’ wish that on anyone!

So, I’m actually considering taking on the 5 km clinic. As it stands, I run 5 times a week: Tuesday and Thursday with my Learn to Run group, Wednesday I do hill training with my sister and on Sundays I do both a 20 minute run with the Learn to Run group and a long run (12 to 20 km) with my sister. I also do a 5 km run on my own on Saturdays… which, I must admit that I am quite lazy when it comes to my Saturday run and often skip it.

If I was to take on this extra clinic I’d just switch my Saturday run to Friday. As well, I would let the manager know that I am only available to run with the group on Friday nights. He would have to find someone for the two “practice” runs.

Why am I even considering this? 1-my girls would get their clinic and 2-the extra cash would mean one less month of savings for my house.

I like being busy - especially now that I'm single again. Plus, with everything going on right now, being super busy might not be such a bad idea. But is this too busy?

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

But…. It’s pink!

I’ve put my utter disdain for phones aside and decided to buy a new cell phone. I’ve been feeling disconnected and confined as of late and just needed something that said, Hello World; I’m here! I saw this little guy (girl?) and just couldn’t resist. I mean, come on, it’s cute and it’s pink – how could I not purchase it!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

From Radiance to Ranting to Revelations

My best friend just told she is 3 months pregnant! I couldn't be happier for her and her husband. I was literally jumping up and down and screaming when she told me. It's wonderful news and I'm over the moon happy for them.

That being said, I couldn't help but feel a slight stab of pain (jealousy?) thinking about just how far I am from being in her position. Don't get me wrong! I am still extremely happy for them, I just wish I were married and pregnant too... or at least had some sort of prospect of this.

So this thought of wishing I were somewhere other then I am right now, combined with my recent desire to fast forward through the next few months got me thinking about how I live my life. I'm obviously not living in the moment right now.

Not so long ago I went out for lunch with two friends. One of them pretty much lives her life in the present (we'll call her Rose), while the other (we'll call her Blue) has no clue just how lucky she is and is always wishing for more. As usual we spent lunch discussing the state of our lives: relationships, family, career, kids, etc. Both Rose and Blue are married with kids. Blue is by far the one who has the greater household income, she's the one with the bigger house, she's the one with the husband who does absolutely everything for her and she's the one that has two beautiful healthy boys. However, Blue has never been happy. She wishes she had the neighbours SUV or the co-workers brand new designer pants or that her boys had perfect grades. At our recent lunch she said, "I thought I'd be happier by now. I thought once I was married with kids and a house, I'd be happy", She clearly isn't. It's tough to sit there and listen to Blue complain because Rose has had her share of challenged in the last few years and although I haven't had too many challenges, Blue does have many things I would like to have. Of course, Blue suffers from depression and doesn't do anything about it. I believe I've ranted about her actions before (but that's another story). Obviously, I can't help Blue... she has to help herself. Strangely though, Blue has helped me by instilling a little fear in my heart.

Am I like Blue? I realise I am definitely not as extreme as Blue, but the fact that I wish I was at some other stage in my life is a sign that maybe I am a little like Blue. What if I'm wishing the next six months away and somehow it turns out to be the greatest six months of my life? Will having a house, husband and kids make me happier? Probably not. If anything it would likely make more stressed out! :-) I don't think it's happiness I'm looking for, but simply the guarantee that I will get "there". Maybe if someone could tell me; "look, it's going to happen - you will get married and have kids so stop worrying about it. In fact, this is the date of your wedding and these are the dates of your children's birthdays". Maybe I could live my life without worrying so much. But since no one has a magic crystal ball and worrying only brings more wrinkles, I might as well just live my life for today. I mean, who knows what the next six months have in store, right?

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Can someone hit the fast forward button?

Today is one of those days I just want to fast forward through the next six months. As much as I try to be positive and in control and happy and all that crap... today I just want to scream! I want to be in my own house where I don’t have to justify every God damn action. I want to be able to go out without having to tell anyone where I’m going. I want to type away in my room without having someone comment on the speed of my typing… yes I’m serious. Apparently I type fast according to my Mom. Good Lord Woman! Give me my space!

I want to do things that are right for me and not have to worry about how someone is going to feel about it or whether I hurt their feelings or not. I want to be me and not have to worry that I told some potential date too much, too soon or not enough or the wrong thing. I want to skip over all these effing bad dates and go directly to where I am supposed to be.

Today, I don’t want to be the responsible sister. I don’t want to listen to everyone else’s stress. I can’t solve your problems. I can’t make it better so just go deal with your own shit while I mumble and complain to the online world in my room.

Yes. Can someone PLEASE hit the fast forward button.

Friday, April 6, 2007

From 5 to 27!

In my last Running Clinic had five participants (well, six actually but one never showed up). I started a new clinic a little over a week ago and I now have 27 participants! Wheeeee! I absolutely adored my last group and will miss them dearly. Since it was such a small group we became quite close. I really hope I’ll be able to get to know my entire new group as well. It’s such a huge jump in participants, but it’s also so much fun to have all these people excited to run. My sister Christine has joined me as a group leader and I think my friend Michelle will be helping out as well. I’m so happy they are able to share in this wonderful experience with me.

I’ve also initiated a virtual clinic on my favourite forum. I have 15 participants for my virtual clinic. I’m really looking forward to seeing their progress, as I’ve known many of these girls for some time. I’m so proud of them for signing up! I really hope I can deliver.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

It’s back to breakfast invitations

While in a recent relationship, I realized that when you are part of a “couple”, other couples invite you out for dinner. However, when you are single you only get invited out for breakfast… or the occasional drink because apparently single girls like to drink.

So I’m back to breakfast only as the boy and I broke-up this afternoon. It was pretty much decision, but it was such a hard one to make. How do you leave someone who is wonderful… but that you just don’t feel like it will work out in the grand scheme of things? It’s not easy and it still hurts. I just hope he is ok. I feel like he’s going to hate me and so is his family – but I had to do what I felt was right. Prolonging the inevitable wouldn’t have helped anyone.