Thursday, January 19, 2012

Preliminary testing = done

This morning marked the completion of the preliminary test before in vitro. It’s called a mock transfer and involved stirrups and probes... fun times. Anyway, now that the preliminary tests are completed, we start the official process in a few weeks... actually about the same time I start my new job. Mind you, it takes almost 2 months before we get to the stage of the actual embryo transfer so we’re still a ways away. This morning I was exciting that things would finally start moving along very soon. Tonight, panic has since settled in. What if this doesn’t work? 60% chance of failure is a big number. I was lying in bed until a few minutes ago but I had to get up cause my mind was racing. I keep going over the steps involved in the process in my mind and keep coming to the end of the process and panicking that it might not work. If it doesn’t take... I’m not sure I can deal. We’ll be taped out financially, not to mention emotionally. I know I should stay positive, but all I keep imagining is the worse. I wish I could just turn off my brain. :-(

Friday, January 13, 2012

Oncology it is.

I thought I would update for those of you who were wondering.... I've decided to take the job in oncology (cancer patients). I can't say I'm thrilled, but it is what it is. I keep trying to see it as an opportunity for growth, but all I can see is additional stress at a time when I just can't handle anymore. 

I start February 1.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


I've been dumped by the peds department. :-( I found out just before Christmas that the mat leave I was replacing is coming back early... actually, I found out the same day we got the news about the infertility issues... it was a very sucky day. At the time my head nurse was trying to figure out how she could keep me, but didn't have anymore details yet. I’ve since found out I would not be back in pediatrics on a permanent basis after January 30. I still have a job, of course, but I will be reassigned to another department. I just got a call from HR giving me my options. I can either work in oncology, orthopedics or float. Floating means I wake up every morning, call in to find out where the hell I'm gonna work that day. The stress associated with this type of work is high because you never know where you'll be and every department is so different. The thought of it makes me sick. However, the thought of working in oncology or ortho isn’t any better. It’s definitely not the field that bothers me, it’s the departments. They are notorious for burning people out and having extra bitchy staff. When I graduated, the government was offering a significant student debt reduction to anyone who would sign a two year contract with those departments... cause no one wanted to work there. Now, a year later, I get to work there without the student debt reduction. UGH!

The timing couldn't be worse with the pending IVF treatments. At least with my current job, I know my co-workers, many of them know my situation and I can easily step out for a few minutes for blood work, in another departments, it won't be as easy. Also, it's not easy being the newbie and having to step out for appointments. Hospital politics aren't making things any easier. If I take a mat leave on another department, I can't apply on another temporary posting for a year after I'm done that temp job. That means, if I take a job on another department and a temp job in peds comes up, I can't apply for it. I want to be in peds... it's my home. This whole thing sucks.

So here’s my pros and cons list:

  • -       I’m not stuck in one department I hate and could end up floating on some of the departments I like
  • -       Since I’m not associated to any department, I can pretty much take my vacation anytime. On a department it goes by seniority… and I’m at the bottom of the list

  • -       I wake up every morning full of anxiety
  • -       Every department is different and I’ll never really get to that comfort level
  • -       I don’t have steady co-workers which makes it hard to have people to lean on.

  • -       I’ve worked with oncology patients in peds so it’s something I know a little. Experience in that department would certainly help in peds in the future.
  • -       I could gather more experience with central lines, chemo, picc lines and specialized dressings
  • -       I would always work with the same people and maybe I’ll luck out and find a friend or two
  • -       Eventually I’ll get used to the department and feel more at ease
  • -       I would always work with the same people and maybe I’ll get unlucky and be with the supremo bitches
  • -       Oncology is rough and can be really depressing

  • -       I did a rotation in ortho and actually kinda liked it
  • -       I could gather more experience in post-op care, pain management and broken limbs all of which I can apply in peds in the future
  • -       I’ve worked with kids with broken bones in the past and always felt I could use more experience in that area so a job in ortho could give me the experience I need.
  • -       I would always work with the same people and maybe I’ll luck out and find a friend or two
  • -       Eventually I’ll get used to the department and feel more at ease

  • -       It’s a super high-paced unit with some really strong personalities. I think it might be even bitchier than oncology
  • -       It’s a physically demanding department as most patients can’t move.

So that’s it. I have to call back HR tomorrow.  I think I’m gonna sleep on it and see what happens. If you’ve got an opinion – go for it!