The reason why I’m not pregnant

Forget the hormonal imbalances, or the timing issues, or any other unknown issues. I think I’ve figured out why I’m not pregnant: I’m just not ready. Most of you would be shocked to hear me say these words cause I’ve been ready for kids most of my life. However, in the last few days I’ve come to the realisation that I might not be in the best place to have a child right now... and maybe the universe realised that. While I was studying, professors all told us that the first year of your career in nursing would be the most difficult and the most stressful. Nevertheless, I always thought I would be above that. However, I recently realised that the stress of the job and shift work might be getting to me. Add to that the difficult adjustment I’ve had with new medication and the subsequent weight gain associated with the new meds and I’ve just not been in the greatest place emotionally in the last few months. I’m constantly exhausted and way too overemotional, as my husband can attest. I’m guessing adding the stress of pregnancy wouldn’t have helped the situation much. So it looks like I need to get healthy. It’s time to stop whining about not being pregnant and start taking care of me... if I could just get off the couch. *sigh*

Dude – Chill! You’re Stressing me Out!

I’ve been working at the hospital as a student nurse for over a month now and so far it’s been fairly good. I’m still finding it very difficult to change departments almost every shift, but it’s getting better. It’s great that I’ve been getting more comfortable with the environment and my role as a nurse. Hopefully it will pay off during my next clinical work that starts in a few weeks.

My big issue with working at the hospital is realising just how stressed out everyone is! It almost doesn’t matter what floor you are working on, they are always short-staffed and over worked. Last week, while working on the maternity ward, all the nurses had worked double shifts in the last few weeks... that means working 24 hours straight. 8-0 Working a double every couple of weeks appears to be the norm for most of the hospital. It’s freakin’ scary. Yesterday, while working in paediatrics, one girl started to cry because she was over-worked. The horror stories just keep coming. Ugh. It’s been stressing me out but I’ve been too afraid to mention it because people might say: “I told you so” or “You can’t freak out now... you haven’t even started!” I didn’t sleep much last night or the night before because all of this has been on my mind... this morning it caught up to me in the form of a migraine. Even though I tried my best to push through it (medicated, showered, etc.) I just couldn’t and ended up calling in sick. It has me a little freaked because I’m not even two month into it and already calling in sick?! Gah!

Anyway, there’s not much point to this post other than needing to get this out.

Pity Post.

Back in October I got a call from Public Health offering me a job at immunization clinics. As a bonus, they said they would be paying me the salary of a REAL nurse. I was ecstatic! I could make more money there in 6 weeks than I could make working at Cora’s for 4 months! So what did I do? I accepted the job and immediately quit Cora’s. A few days after I quit, I find out I won’t be getting paid the same as a nurse, but the salary is comparable to Cora’s so I don’t care. Well, fast forward a few weeks and the vaccination debacle began. They cancel my first shift because they don’t have enough vaccines. I haven’t received any shifts since... and don’t have any money coming in. In the meantime, I applied for EI. Normally, students don’t qualify for EI, but the provincial government was offering some sort of partnership that let us apply. I figured, if I could get EI I wouldn’t have to work for my last year. Taking 7 classes per semester AND working every weekend is just exhausting! The thought of having my weekends to study sounded completely dreamy. Well, I just got a message from EI saying I don’t qualify because I don’t have enough hours. FUCK! I’m so upset right now! I don’t want to go back to Cora’s. The idea of having to work every weekend is making me nauseous.

I know I have to start looking for a job stat before the money runs out, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I know I could go back to Cora’s in an instant, but that would be my very last resort. Can you please send me happy job vibes so I can find a job with a decent salary where I could work one day a week that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists?

Dirty Old Man

I was working at Cora’s yesterday and served a man in his late 50’s. He had eggs benedict, which includes a side of fruit… it looked a little like this, except the banana wasn't cut on the end:



When I served him the plate he looked at me and said: “Would you like to bite my banana, it’s excited to see you”. Ewwwww! He said this in front of his kids and grandkids too! UGH.

Snow and I are on OK terms today

For the first time this winter I’m actually not hating the snow. Sure, I’ll have to shovel my little heart out tonight or tomorrow morning, but at least I get a day off! Have I mentioned that Moncton has had 332 cm of snow so far this winter?



Today’s schedule included 2 of the most boring classes evah: my physics pre-lab and my 3-hour physics lab. Blarg! I had been praying all day that school would be cancelled with no such luck. I was checking my email every half-hour for the faithful words but they just didn’t come. Then, just as I was about to leave for class, I checked my email one last time and there were the most glorious words: campus will be closed as of 1:30 PM. SWEET!

I did, however, make a silent prayer to God (or is it the Gods?) that if I didn’t have school I wouldn’t screw around all afternoon but take advantage of the free time to study. I guess that means I should get to it.

One small piece of news before I go – This morning we had a health and education career fair on campus and I attended hoping to get info on summer jobs. One of the recruiting agents at the English hospital almost jumped for joy when I told her I had a communications background and current science/health studies. She took a copy of my resume, jotted down my info and said she would definitely be calling me. I guess that’s good news on the summer job front. Oh, and I also did the initial testing for a placement with the federal government. I guess now we wait and see.

Adventures in waitressing

Yesterday I had to dress up for a Halloween day at work. As previously posted, I went as a “cereal” killer. The costume wasn’t much of a success as most people had no clue what I was nor would they ask.

To make they day even better, a few hours into my shift I bent over and split my pants! Actually, it’s like my pants just disintegrated! I had to work the rest of the shift with my ”holy” pants! I kept asking the girls if my ass was falling out… but the best they could answer was… it’s not THAT bad. UGH.

Happy Halloween!

Sunday I have to wear a costume to work. It’s not easy finding a costume that won’t get in the way of waitressing! I’ve decided I’m going to be a “cereal” killer. I’ll be dressing all in black and will attached mini cereal boxes to my clothes. I’ve redesigned the cereal boxes to make it more fun:






I can't take credit for all the ideas as some were inspired by a group costume we did at work a few years ago.

Someone stop me!

I’ve just accepted ANOTHER job.

In a few weeks I’ll be waitressing at Cora’s (yummy breakfast place). I’m excited and happy with my decision.

My current employer didn’t want to keep me on retainer and just wants to pay me on a per hour, as needed basis. I could go weeks without a paycheque so I decided to explore other options.

I applied yesterday and was offered the job today. I’m still going to keep the catering gig for the time being (maybe even till the end of September), just to make sure it works out with Cora’s. I’ll also do a few contracts for my current employer and see where things go with them. The moment I gets to be too much I’ll stop.

The best part is, since it’s a breakfast and lunch place I would never work later than 2 or 3 pm. Plus, with the tips I’ll be making I might even be able to keep my car! How crazy is that? I’m still looking to get out of the lease but not so worried if I don’t find a buyer right away.

I guess all the panicking earlier this week was for nothing.

The Talented Ms Changa

My first day back and I’m already looking forward to the end of the day. :-P I arrived this morning to numerous questions along the lines of “what the heck are you doing?” People seem happy for me, but also somewhat sad/frustrated to be loosing a team member. It’s so odd to hear people saying; but you’re so talented! I don’t feel talented. I’m not trying to be facetious here; I really feel I don’t excel in this field.

It’s always been this way with my writing. Throughout my school years I would bounce from one teacher saying I was a wonderful writer to the next one saying I was a crappy writer. I think part of me went into communication to prove I was capable of doing it. If I was so talented, I doubt everything I write or create would be riddled with red markings. And if this field were really the one for me, it wouldn’t feel like having my teeth pulled every time I had to write something.

What defines talent in a field like marketing/communication? Is it the ability to write? To create? To innovate? By what standards are these talents evaluated. Gah! I’m so happy to be leaving this ambiguous field!

On to the new stuff!
I’m trying to decide what kind of work I’ll be doing come September. My current employer has offered me 5 hours a week to do occasional communication pieces. I’ve also got the catering gig which can give me anywhere from 5 to 15 hours a week – but it’s not very consistent. I’m trying to decide if I should work the 5 hours for my current employer + the catering gig or give up both and do maybe 15 hours of waiteressing a week.

Pros and Cons

Pros of doing 5 hours a week for current employer
Salary would cover ¾ of my required income to survive
Stable and constant salary

Cons
Writing about yucky things like children’s dental coverage
Not being able to have a clean break
_______

Pros of keeping the catering gig
I really have fun at the job
I like the people I work with
I know what to expect

Cons
Hours are unstable
Hours will greatly diminish in the New Year
Potential for some really late nights (3 AM)
_______

Pros of finding a new waiteressing job
Potential to cover my costs in one job
Tips!
The places I’m looking at would close by 10 PM at the latest

Cons
The unknown – what if I don’t like it?
What if the hours aren’t guaranteed?

Decisions. Decisions.

Out Loud

I was happy to see I'm not alone in my office loud talker pet peeve. In fact, it’s the highest office pet peeve according to this article. It caught my attention today as I have a particularly LOUD co-worker.

Despite the laundry list of complaints, the loud talker wins the award for most annoying. Of 2318 people surveyed in March 2006 by Harris Interactive and Randstad, 32% say an office loud talker is their biggest pet peeve. Coming in a close second at 30% is using an annoying cellphone ringtone; 22% said speakerphones are their No. 1 peeve.

As in this article I know way too much about said co-worker. I usually know what he is having for dinner, what he paid for his current house, what range he would like his new house to be in, what his weekend plans are, how much money he has in his bank account... seriously, I'm just waiting for him to announce his credit card number so I can start charging earplugs from e-bay to his account!

Oh Happy Day!

I’m currently enjoying the afternoon off due to the torrential downpour over my cubicle!

I was working through lunch today (which is a big no-no… but thank goodness I was), when I heard the sound of water. I looked over at my neighbour’s cubicle when I saw water leaking from the ceiling. A co-worker got up at the same time and noticed the leak so she grabbed a garbage can. Just then, the water went from a slight drip to a rainstorm! Water was pouring on my neighbour’s cubicle and making it’s way towards mine and others! My co-worker and I tried to salvage as much as we could from the cubicle being rained on and cleared stuff from all other cubes. The fire alarm sounded and we had to leave the building.

We were outside for over an hour just waiting around while the fire department made sure the water hadn’t caused an electrical fire. When we were finally aloud back in, we were greeted by the clean-up crew letting us know we could only grab what we needed and to head home. It was the most wonderful news I’ve had in a long time!!

There is a big gaping hole above my cubicle, but nothing seems ruined. It’s a pretty sweet deal because I get the afternoon off without actually having to deal with having my stuff destroyed. Life is good. :-)

Blackberry. Crackberry.

My department has recently implemented a really cool work/life balance initiative. The purpose is to ensure people don’t over-work themselves and to make sure the work we do is done efficiently. This new policy entails the following:
- No emails between 7 PM and 7 AM (in other words, if you are at home you should be spending time with your family and not on your blackberry).
- No meetings during lunch – you MUST take your lunch hour
- No blackberries during meetings or during meals.
- You are not to use your blackberry in the car – even as a passenger. You should take the time in the car to socialize we fellow co-wrokers.
- If you call a meeting you must state the purpose, why the person you to attend should be there and include an agenda.
- Use proper email etiquette. There is no need to cc the entire world. Think before you cc… does this person really need this information? What do you require from them if they are cc’d?

I think these are awesome policies! I don’t have a blackberry, but when you receive an email sent from your boss at 2 AM, it really makes you wonder if the same kind of dedication is expected from you! I mean really, why should you need to email in the middle of the night?

A recent accident definitely put this into perspective for all of us. I don’t know the client or even the sales person who told this story, but apparently a client recently died in a head-on collision during broad day-light. He didn’t survive the crash, but his blackberry did… the screen showed a half-written email. He was 32 with a wife and kids.

Wanted: One Lab Coat

I've just received confirmation that my first job shadowing has been scheduled! Wheeeee! I am beyond excited! I'll be visiting the radiology department on the morning of July 17, so look for a full report sometime that afternoon. Apparently I need a lab coat for my adventure. I used to have a lab coat way back when... I wonder what happened to it? Anyway, I'm not too worried - I'm sure I'll figure something out. I still have to wait until next week to schedule my second job shadowing in Respiratory Therapy as the Program Director is on vacation until Monday.



In other news: My house will be all mine in 27 days - yippee!

Ugh. Crappy Meeting

I just finished an hour-long meeting that could not have gone any worse. It made me feel both happy and slightly nauseous. The meeting was to receive feedback on a seven page information piece I produced. It was one of the many pieces that were produced blindly because, most days, I have no clue what I’m doing. My role was basically to collect the information from various parties, put it together, create a few graphs and make the whole thing look presentable and in accordance with our branding. I did my job – and it did look quite nice. What the actual words meant; I’m not sure.

The meeting went a little like this:
Colleague: First of all Changa, I was wondering who is the target audience for this piece?

Changa: I actually don’t know. My role in the production of this piece was to gather information.

Colleague: I see. Were the sales people included in the process from the get-go?

Changa: I really don’t know. My role in the production of this piece was to gather information.

Colleague: Right. There are a lot of inconsistencies in the ILAP information…

----> After seeing my deer in the headlights expression

Colleague: You know… the Individual Large Amount Pooling?

Changa: I have no clue what Individual Large Amount Pooling is.

Colleague: oooookkkkk. Did you not write this piece?

Changa: Well, it’s more like I copied and pasted this piece and made some pretty graphs. However, I really know what these graphs mean.

Colleague: Hmmmm.

I spent the entire meeting happy and chipper and promised I would get to the bottom of this. Which of course I am… but the thought that I might never have to encounter ILAPs or EHBs or MAPs or ASOs or LTDs or any other insurance acronyms out there makes me all happy and shinny inside. The nausea comes from the thought that there is still a chance my plans will fall through. :-S

Obviously distracted

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself this morning as I went over notes from a meeting I had yesterday. I’m leading a project I really don’t understand so meetings are quite overwhelming with terminology that leaves me scratching my head.

So this morning I see the following note: IMPORTANT – Send email on



That’s it. Not other detail. Hah! I guess it’s either not important after all or I completely missed the train on that one. I guess I’ll see in two weeks at our next meeting. Wheeee!

There's a man on stilts in my office

No, a man on stilts is not a metaphor for life or code to let you know the CEO is in the building... there is literally a man on stilts in my office. He is currently hovering over my desk, plastering the wall. Meanwhile, another man is scraping the floor (think nails on a chalkboard) behind me, pausing for an occasional grunt or burp. My desk is currently sitting on the last piece of carpet in the area... I feel like I'm on an island. Soon they will be booting me out for a few hours while they replace the carpet beneath me. I'm looking forward to getting lots accomplished without any of my files (note the sarcasm). It's going to be another fun day in construction central again.

At least I can look forward to a brand new sunny space come Monday.

The office rumour: I have a serious medical condition

Back story: Because of my history with depression and sleeping issues, I luminotherapy for about an hour each day. I basically use this big, bright light that simulates sunlight. It resets my internal clock, helps me sleep better and gives me a little more energy. For the two years I’ve been using it, I’ve been getting up extra early and using it before work. It was getting to be a pain and I was using it less and less because I was running late in the morning. So I decided, what the hell, I’ll just bring it to work and use it there. I figured I would get questions but would tell people it gives me more energy and helps me sleep better. Case closed.

When I started working here 4 months ago, I was given a cubicle on the far end of the floor away from the rest of my team. I was told it was temporary as they were busting down walls and rearranging the entire cubicle. No problem. A few weeks after I brought the lamp to work, my boss said I would be moving to the other end of the floor as a temporary solution until the renovations where done. I figured it was to be closer to my team. I was also told that once the renovations would be complete, I would get a cubicle next to two humungous windows. I thought this was strange because at Sobeys you didn't get a window unless you where senior management, but I figured, who am I to argue!

So yesterday my boss was in town (he works from Montreal) and we had a meeting about how "things are going". He asked me if I was happy with my new space and I told him I was. He asked me if I was feeling better and if there was anything he could do to "help". I was like, Wah?? Well, apparently my recent move closer to a window was because I have a serious medical condition which requires that I always be exposed to natural light!!! I have no idea who interpreted this but I guess several people have pushed for me to be closer to a window. I figure it's the whole lamp thing. When people ask me what the lamp is, I tell them it's a sun lamp that I don't sleep well and the sun lamp helps my internal clock reset itself in the morning. Somehow that got translated to some kind of serious medical condition!

Then, my boss says apologetically that I can only get one window and that there have been complaints about my "special treatment". I didn't even know I NEEDED special treatment!!! Anyway, my boss wanted to know if I would be ok working with just one window. I told him I had no idea how this story had become so bent out of proportion. I told him the lamp thing is no big deal, that I just use my lamp for an hour each day so it doesn't matter if I work in a dark closet all day long; the lamp does its work. Anyway, I really hope no one thinks I'm weird because of this silly lamp now.

So this morning I get to work and the wall where I'm currently sitting has been torn down (as part of the renovations). Two of us have no overhead lights. I've already had four people (two of them I barely know) come see me out of concern for my need for light! I feel like a complete tool!! I almost feel like sending a mass email saying, I'm not dying from underexposure to natural light people! Get over it!

The boy says I should try to milk this. I should get cloudy days off due to lack of sunlight. Or on sunny summer days, I could get the day off for some "therapy" at the beach. I like his thinking.