This is the conclusion I’ve come to this morning. I’m exhausted... and I think it’s because I’m stressed. Yesterday I spent a better part of the day studying and last night I think I could have gone to bed at 7:00 pm. It’s not the studying that’s so awful, it’s the pressure of passing this damn CRNE (Canadian Registered Nurse Exam). It’s just an exam… upon which my salary, my time, my future and quite possibly my sanity depend on. Sure, if I don’t pass I always have two more chances to take the exam… only the next round is the first week of June... a few days after I’m getting married! Ugh. I don’t think I can take another 4 months of studying! :-( Also, when I get stressed about an exam, I tend to avoid the books. I realize this is the ridiculous strategy in the world, but the more stressed I get, the less I want to study. The less I want to study, the more stressed I get. It’s one big vicious circle.
Add to the exam, the stress of organizing a wedding. Actually, the organizing part isn’t as stressful as the nagging mother. I’m trying not to think of the things that need to be done, but my mother sure is! Friday she insisted we go see bridesmaid dresses after I told her repeatedly that my bridesmaids won’t be wearing typical bridesmaid dresses, but I finally gave up. Sure, there were some nice dresses, but not what I was looking for… and certainly not the budget I had intended. When she asked the salesman how long it took to order a dress, he said 4 to 5 months (the wedding is in 4 months). My mom laughed and sighed heavily. I know that nervous laugh of hers… it’s intended to say: my poor disorganized daughter has left everything to the last minute. I shot her a look that could have set fire to her eyeballs and I’m pretty sure she felt the burn. It wasn’t my intention to do so, but I do not need the pressure she is putting on me. I don’t think she has any idea how big this exam is! You would think she could shut up about the wedding for another 10 days, right?
I just hope the stress diminishes after this exam… but I get the feeling it isn’t. They say your first year of nursing is one of the most stressful experiences someone can have. Great. At least I’ll be getting paid, right? Sure! But I don’t get a full paycheck until March… and I have to start dishing out scary amounts of money to pay back student loans… and then there’s this wedding thing we have to pay for and I think I’m hyperventilating again! Ugh
I thought writing out my stresses in my blog would be cathartic, but it’s stressing me out even more just thinking about it all. I need to go study now… or cry… I’m still not sure which to do first.
Showing posts with label This is a rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label This is a rant. Show all posts
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Am I just a Drama Queen?
Seriously. Do I exaggerate everything and invite drama into my life or does drama just follow me everywhere? I swear, if there is any possibility that I can take a detour on the way to my goals, I will end up taking it.
The latest drama in my life is regarding the accelerated nursing program. As I’ve mentioned before, the accelerated program gives you the opportunity to finish a semester earlier (December 2010, instead of May 2011). To take the accelerated route you need three things:
1. A 2,5 GPA or higher – check
2. Complete all your optional courses – check
3. Complete a stats class before your 4th year – not checked.
I was planning on doing my stats class last semester, but at the last minute, the class was bumped into a time slot that didn’t fit into my schedule. My advisor said that I could do it during the Spring instead at the same time I was doing my clinical practicum. To insure I didn’t have any evening shifts, I would have to do my Community Health bloc last it is always day shifts and my stats class is an evening class. My supervisor made the request, I got a copy of the letter and all was good.
I received my clinical practicum schedule before Christmas and as promised, I was doing my Community Health bloc last – Yay. Then, the prof in charge of my group quit for the first practicum (there are 5 blocs in total)and we all had to be dispersed into new groups. Because it was only for the first bloc of the practicum, it didn’t influence my Community Health bloc – yay. Then, over the weekend, they decided to do a little shifting around because of scheduling issues and moved me (and only ME) to another group. This new group starts out the semester in Community Health. I received an email about it this morning (the email was sent at 10:30 last night). I was livid when I read the email! I had specifically asked to have Community Health last... and this was back in September! Out of the 7 students in the group, they decide to bump me. It was completely random. Now they say there is nothing they can do as it’s “too late” to do anything. I was just bumped last night for fuck sake! I’m just getting home now from a meeting with the clinical coordinator (where I yelled at her and then started bawling). :-( I'm just so pissed off because I'm always getting shitty deals. When they put me at hospital no one else wanted to go, I didn't complain, when they gave me a practicum in June instead of May (and therefore loosing a month's work) I didn't complain like so many others did. But now, I'm not sitting back and taking it. It's just so unfair!
Why do I keep getting road blocks with this? Is it just me or does it seem awfully difficult for me to do the accelerated program?
The latest drama in my life is regarding the accelerated nursing program. As I’ve mentioned before, the accelerated program gives you the opportunity to finish a semester earlier (December 2010, instead of May 2011). To take the accelerated route you need three things:
1. A 2,5 GPA or higher – check
2. Complete all your optional courses – check
3. Complete a stats class before your 4th year – not checked.
I was planning on doing my stats class last semester, but at the last minute, the class was bumped into a time slot that didn’t fit into my schedule. My advisor said that I could do it during the Spring instead at the same time I was doing my clinical practicum. To insure I didn’t have any evening shifts, I would have to do my Community Health bloc last it is always day shifts and my stats class is an evening class. My supervisor made the request, I got a copy of the letter and all was good.
I received my clinical practicum schedule before Christmas and as promised, I was doing my Community Health bloc last – Yay. Then, the prof in charge of my group quit for the first practicum (there are 5 blocs in total)and we all had to be dispersed into new groups. Because it was only for the first bloc of the practicum, it didn’t influence my Community Health bloc – yay. Then, over the weekend, they decided to do a little shifting around because of scheduling issues and moved me (and only ME) to another group. This new group starts out the semester in Community Health. I received an email about it this morning (the email was sent at 10:30 last night). I was livid when I read the email! I had specifically asked to have Community Health last... and this was back in September! Out of the 7 students in the group, they decide to bump me. It was completely random. Now they say there is nothing they can do as it’s “too late” to do anything. I was just bumped last night for fuck sake! I’m just getting home now from a meeting with the clinical coordinator (where I yelled at her and then started bawling). :-( I'm just so pissed off because I'm always getting shitty deals. When they put me at hospital no one else wanted to go, I didn't complain, when they gave me a practicum in June instead of May (and therefore loosing a month's work) I didn't complain like so many others did. But now, I'm not sitting back and taking it. It's just so unfair!
Why do I keep getting road blocks with this? Is it just me or does it seem awfully difficult for me to do the accelerated program?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Worst. Week. Ever.
And it’s only Wednesday!
A bit of a back story, to give you some context: Big Rig was supposed to move out at the end of May so when he came to give me the rent for May, he only gave me $175 instead of $325 because he was moving at the end of the month and that would save me from giving him back his $150 deposit. Around the middle of the month he told me he had broken-up with his girlfriend and said he would be staying longer. Fine. I don’t really like him, but it pays the bills. I told him I needed the $150 immediately. I never received it.
Monday
First day of my 5-week clinical practicum. I’m stressed out because it’s a new department, new prof, new students. Starting a new clinical is always difficult.
I get home mid-afternoon and run into Big Rig moving out his stuff. He tells me he has no money and is moving out. He claims he has no money so he is moving in with his girlfriend… they got back together. I’m royally pissed. His girlfriend waltzes in and tells me he will pay me the $100 he owes me next week. I correct her and tell her he owes me $475. She starts freaking out at him, telling him she didn’t know he owed that much. She promises to pay me in a week and then looks at him and says: “just wait till we get home Mr.” Before they leave she tells him to “thank the nice lady” and “apologies for inconveniencing her”. His girlfriend is 22 and he’s 33. On the way out I realize he hasn’t given me back his key. He claims he forgot it at home and she promises to be right back with it. Of course, she never comes back.
Tuesday
I’m in the shower and about to wash my hair, when I realize my shampoo and conditioner are gone. So is my shaving cream and facial soap. What the hell? I knew right away who had taken it and screamed, that fucking bitch! Once I’m out of the shower I realize she also took two pairs of earrings that were in the bathroom. Nothing else appears to be missing. After work, Mr. Perfect comes over and replaces all my locks.
Wednesday
My patient goes home (good for her), but I’m assigned a new patient and have to start all my research over. Ugh. For every medication I give, I have to prepare index cards and to research on the effects of the medication. It usually takes me 30 to 45 minutes per card. I find out my new patient has 27 medications! Not much sleep for me tonight. I checked my voicemails on the way home to find out my other roommate is giving his notice for the end of the month. Can this day get any worse? When I get home, my roommate tells me why he’s leaving. He quit his job yesterday morning. He works as a security guard at the hospital and his girlfriend had to get results for tests at the hospital yesterday. When she was done, she came to see him, crying. She had just found out she has cancer. :-( He asked his boss if he can take the rest of the day off and his boss said no. So he walked out. I know he’s taken a lot of shit from them, so it doesn't surprise me. I guess it was just the last draw. He doesn't know what he's going to do yet, but he'll likely move back to his parents place for now. I don’t think his girlfriend is even 25. :-( She has cervical cancer and they will likely do a hysterectomy
After hearing this latest news, I know I have no reason to complain. I’m healthy, I love my studies (as stressful as it is), and my boyfriend is perfect… but it’s still a pretty shitty week.
A bit of a back story, to give you some context: Big Rig was supposed to move out at the end of May so when he came to give me the rent for May, he only gave me $175 instead of $325 because he was moving at the end of the month and that would save me from giving him back his $150 deposit. Around the middle of the month he told me he had broken-up with his girlfriend and said he would be staying longer. Fine. I don’t really like him, but it pays the bills. I told him I needed the $150 immediately. I never received it.
Monday
First day of my 5-week clinical practicum. I’m stressed out because it’s a new department, new prof, new students. Starting a new clinical is always difficult.
I get home mid-afternoon and run into Big Rig moving out his stuff. He tells me he has no money and is moving out. He claims he has no money so he is moving in with his girlfriend… they got back together. I’m royally pissed. His girlfriend waltzes in and tells me he will pay me the $100 he owes me next week. I correct her and tell her he owes me $475. She starts freaking out at him, telling him she didn’t know he owed that much. She promises to pay me in a week and then looks at him and says: “just wait till we get home Mr.” Before they leave she tells him to “thank the nice lady” and “apologies for inconveniencing her”. His girlfriend is 22 and he’s 33. On the way out I realize he hasn’t given me back his key. He claims he forgot it at home and she promises to be right back with it. Of course, she never comes back.
Tuesday
I’m in the shower and about to wash my hair, when I realize my shampoo and conditioner are gone. So is my shaving cream and facial soap. What the hell? I knew right away who had taken it and screamed, that fucking bitch! Once I’m out of the shower I realize she also took two pairs of earrings that were in the bathroom. Nothing else appears to be missing. After work, Mr. Perfect comes over and replaces all my locks.
Wednesday
My patient goes home (good for her), but I’m assigned a new patient and have to start all my research over. Ugh. For every medication I give, I have to prepare index cards and to research on the effects of the medication. It usually takes me 30 to 45 minutes per card. I find out my new patient has 27 medications! Not much sleep for me tonight. I checked my voicemails on the way home to find out my other roommate is giving his notice for the end of the month. Can this day get any worse? When I get home, my roommate tells me why he’s leaving. He quit his job yesterday morning. He works as a security guard at the hospital and his girlfriend had to get results for tests at the hospital yesterday. When she was done, she came to see him, crying. She had just found out she has cancer. :-( He asked his boss if he can take the rest of the day off and his boss said no. So he walked out. I know he’s taken a lot of shit from them, so it doesn't surprise me. I guess it was just the last draw. He doesn't know what he's going to do yet, but he'll likely move back to his parents place for now. I don’t think his girlfriend is even 25. :-( She has cervical cancer and they will likely do a hysterectomy
After hearing this latest news, I know I have no reason to complain. I’m healthy, I love my studies (as stressful as it is), and my boyfriend is perfect… but it’s still a pretty shitty week.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Stupid. Stupid. Math.
Have I mentioned just how much I hate my math class? I was supposed to be done with math tomorrow. I spent the weekend studying and am more than ready to get the final exam over and done with! Last night, my prof decided to extend the class until next Monday because so many people were confused. Ugh. Of course, I’m the only one who protested. He offered to have me take the exam this week, but it had to be during the day. Umm... hello? Some of us work for a living! So now I have another 6 days of lingering thoughts of calculus.
I realise it’s not that much of a big deal but I just want it over with.
In other news, I don’t have to take an additional French class this summer. I can’t remember if I mentioned this or not in previous posts, but there was some confusion as to whether I had all my French credits or not. If I didn’t, I had to do another French class before the fall semester (meaning; starting next week). Thankfully it got all cleared up yesterday.
As of next Tuesday I will no longer have any studying to do for an entire 11 weeks!
I realise it’s not that much of a big deal but I just want it over with.
In other news, I don’t have to take an additional French class this summer. I can’t remember if I mentioned this or not in previous posts, but there was some confusion as to whether I had all my French credits or not. If I didn’t, I had to do another French class before the fall semester (meaning; starting next week). Thankfully it got all cleared up yesterday.
As of next Tuesday I will no longer have any studying to do for an entire 11 weeks!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Are you freakin' kidding me!
I just got an email informing me that I didn’t get the summer job with the federal government. All I can say is: What. The. Fuck. It indicated that the job went to the most qualified candidate. They are telling me that 9 years in public relations, communications and marketing, managing a communications team, working with a budget of half a million, writing speeches for government officials and being interviewed by the freaking New York Times is not enough qualifications for a measly summer job? Jesus! I’d be curious to find out who else applied for the job.
Whatever. I would prefer the job at the hospital, anyway.
----------------------------------------
A few hours later…
Now that I’ve calmed down and rationalised the situation, I can see that the job likely went to a student who really needed the experience. It is a government program after all, and most likely about giving a student experience in his/her field of study rather than about paying Changa’s mortgage. The job is as far away from my current field of study so, yes; it should go to the kid who will one day be working in that field. However, they shouldn’t say the job went to the most qualified person because I don’t think that’s accurate. It's insulting.
Whatever. I would prefer the job at the hospital, anyway.
----------------------------------------
A few hours later…
Now that I’ve calmed down and rationalised the situation, I can see that the job likely went to a student who really needed the experience. It is a government program after all, and most likely about giving a student experience in his/her field of study rather than about paying Changa’s mortgage. The job is as far away from my current field of study so, yes; it should go to the kid who will one day be working in that field. However, they shouldn’t say the job went to the most qualified person because I don’t think that’s accurate. It's insulting.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I Know I Was Asking For It
Back in December I was looking for a new roommate. A seemingly normal guy rented the room in January. He seemed like such a sweet guy… who knew he would turn out to be dumb as a post! I referred to him as the kid because he always seemed so young even though he was 25.
A few things should have tipped me off:
- He slept till 4:00 pm, got up, sat in front of MY TV until about midnight at which point he would go out, often bringing guests home around 3:00 am and chat loudly in the living room until 5:00 am.
- He would ask the most bizarre questions. One day he asked me if a box in my kitchen (which contained a bottle of wine) was an urn with a dead person’s ashes in it.
- Every day he would use my computer without asking me and thought I didn’t know. Since he was obviously Mac illiterate he always left the web browser open without realizing it. Plus, he didn’t know how to turn the computer off.
- About a week after he moved in he told me he was giving his notice. Of course, I freaked and asked him why. He told me he got fired from his job and was too embarrassed to live here. I asked him if he couldn’t afford to live here or if it was just an issue of pride. He told me it was pride so I gave him a little pep talk about not running away from your fears, owning up to your responsibilities, etc. He thanked me and said he was glad I was so understanding and was happy to stay. A week later he got a new job.
- Then, on January 31 I come home to find a letter addressed to me. It was from the kid and essentially said: “Can’t afford to live here. To embarrassed to tell you in person so I moved out”. I was livid! Our agreement was to give me one month’s notice so he technically owed me for the month of February. An hour or so later he came back. Apparently, when his Mom found out that he had left without facing me, she made him come back and apologise. He told me he would pay me the money he owed me in two weeks as he was getting paid then.
Luckily I found a new roommate the very next day and all is well. I was about to send him an email saying, don’t worry about the money, I’ve found someone to rent the room, but decided I would wait the two weeks and let him sweat it out a bit. The kid needs to learn that he can’t just walk away from his responsibilities.
Two weeks come and go and still no call or email so I decide to send him an email requesting my money. He responds back saying he doesn’t have any money, as he will only get paid on March 7. He doesn’t even have money for food and has been going to the local food bank. The excuse is total bullshit! I believe that he doesn’t have money to spare to pay me, but there is no way his mother or two sisters (whom I’ve met) would let him go hungry. I decide to wait the two weeks until he supposedly gets paid.
Yesterday his cell phone bill arrived at my house and I realized March 7 had passed. I figured I’d let him know his bill was here and take the opportunity to request my money. I know, I know, I was clearly asking for it, but I couldn’t resist. He responds immediately saying he doesn’t know where I can forward the mail since he’s living at a homeless shelter, and, of course, he has no money. Hmmm… who knew homeless shelters were now equipped with high-speed Internet!! Wow! This pisses me off to no end. It’s not the fact that he doesn’t have my money, it’s the fact that he doesn’t own up to his responsibilities. He could have easily said, Look, I’m really sorry but I just can’t afford to pay you right now. Is there anyway we can make some sort of arrangement. I would have totally let him off the hook! It’s the fact that he’s making up these bullshit stories about being in a homeless shelter. Of course I couldn’t resist responding and telling him exactly how I felt about his attempt at a self-pitying excuse. The thing that irks me the most is that I had seen my brother struggling financially… and I mean TRULY struggling and not once did he go to a food bank. This kid has no idea what it would be like to actually have to go to a food bank or shelter and to use this excuse just makes me sick.
He responds by telling me I’m crazy and that he actually only went to the shelter once or twice between places. He also advises me that he will be blocking my email. He forgot that I have his phone number and can clearly see him posting on facebook all the time, but I will stop harassing him… only for my own sanity.
The worst part is, unless my current roommates decide to stay here another 2.5 years, my chances of having at least one more idiot living under my roof are pretty high. Ugh.
A few things should have tipped me off:
- He slept till 4:00 pm, got up, sat in front of MY TV until about midnight at which point he would go out, often bringing guests home around 3:00 am and chat loudly in the living room until 5:00 am.
- He would ask the most bizarre questions. One day he asked me if a box in my kitchen (which contained a bottle of wine) was an urn with a dead person’s ashes in it.
- Every day he would use my computer without asking me and thought I didn’t know. Since he was obviously Mac illiterate he always left the web browser open without realizing it. Plus, he didn’t know how to turn the computer off.
- About a week after he moved in he told me he was giving his notice. Of course, I freaked and asked him why. He told me he got fired from his job and was too embarrassed to live here. I asked him if he couldn’t afford to live here or if it was just an issue of pride. He told me it was pride so I gave him a little pep talk about not running away from your fears, owning up to your responsibilities, etc. He thanked me and said he was glad I was so understanding and was happy to stay. A week later he got a new job.
- Then, on January 31 I come home to find a letter addressed to me. It was from the kid and essentially said: “Can’t afford to live here. To embarrassed to tell you in person so I moved out”. I was livid! Our agreement was to give me one month’s notice so he technically owed me for the month of February. An hour or so later he came back. Apparently, when his Mom found out that he had left without facing me, she made him come back and apologise. He told me he would pay me the money he owed me in two weeks as he was getting paid then.
Luckily I found a new roommate the very next day and all is well. I was about to send him an email saying, don’t worry about the money, I’ve found someone to rent the room, but decided I would wait the two weeks and let him sweat it out a bit. The kid needs to learn that he can’t just walk away from his responsibilities.
Two weeks come and go and still no call or email so I decide to send him an email requesting my money. He responds back saying he doesn’t have any money, as he will only get paid on March 7. He doesn’t even have money for food and has been going to the local food bank. The excuse is total bullshit! I believe that he doesn’t have money to spare to pay me, but there is no way his mother or two sisters (whom I’ve met) would let him go hungry. I decide to wait the two weeks until he supposedly gets paid.
Yesterday his cell phone bill arrived at my house and I realized March 7 had passed. I figured I’d let him know his bill was here and take the opportunity to request my money. I know, I know, I was clearly asking for it, but I couldn’t resist. He responds immediately saying he doesn’t know where I can forward the mail since he’s living at a homeless shelter, and, of course, he has no money. Hmmm… who knew homeless shelters were now equipped with high-speed Internet!! Wow! This pisses me off to no end. It’s not the fact that he doesn’t have my money, it’s the fact that he doesn’t own up to his responsibilities. He could have easily said, Look, I’m really sorry but I just can’t afford to pay you right now. Is there anyway we can make some sort of arrangement. I would have totally let him off the hook! It’s the fact that he’s making up these bullshit stories about being in a homeless shelter. Of course I couldn’t resist responding and telling him exactly how I felt about his attempt at a self-pitying excuse. The thing that irks me the most is that I had seen my brother struggling financially… and I mean TRULY struggling and not once did he go to a food bank. This kid has no idea what it would be like to actually have to go to a food bank or shelter and to use this excuse just makes me sick.
He responds by telling me I’m crazy and that he actually only went to the shelter once or twice between places. He also advises me that he will be blocking my email. He forgot that I have his phone number and can clearly see him posting on facebook all the time, but I will stop harassing him… only for my own sanity.
The worst part is, unless my current roommates decide to stay here another 2.5 years, my chances of having at least one more idiot living under my roof are pretty high. Ugh.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Bang your Head Against the Wall Boring
Oh. My. God. My French class makes me want to vomit. I’ve never seen anything as useless and as stupid as this class. I can’t believe I pay for this mediocrity. Nor can I believe that it is a requirement for ANY degree at U de M. Gah!
The course consists of two 75 minutes classes a week. I can’t tell you a single thing I’ve learnt so far this year. The first class the teacher spent the entire 75 minutes explaining the syllabus. This is a writing class. All we do is write essays – there isn’t much to explain. In another class, she spent 75 minutes answering questions on what is considered repetition; i.e. both the terms I run and I ran are considered repetitions. Yes. Even if the verbs are in different tenses it is considered a repetition. I don’t know if she simply doesn’t know how to teach or if it’s the fact that incredibly dim-witted and self-centered students surround her, but something clearly isn’t working.
Today she spent 75 minutes deciding on an alternative date for an exam. 75 freakin’ minutes. She would suggest a date and some idiot student would cry out, “but I have another exam that day” so she would suggest another date and yet another student would call out that they have another exam that day... or that they have to work the night before and won’t have time to prepare… or that they have band practice right before and might not be able to make to the class. Then she freaks out because nobody can agree on a date. Gah! You’re the freakin’ teacher lady! Just tell them that’s the exam date and to shut the fuck up. By this time I’m fuming at the complete waste of time this class has become so I suggest she write the three possible dates on the blackboard, take a vote and just stick with the majority. She says it’s a good idea, but instead of proceeding with this “good idea” she keeps yelling out dates and round and round we go.
Finally, at the end of the “class” she gives us the first essays she’s graded. I’m floored by my score: 64%. I want to scream when I see nimrod next to me got a 70% and idiot on the other side got a 74%. Scoring is divided into 2 parts: 50% is on the content, idea, style, etc., while 50% is on grammar. I got 50/50 for content and 14/50 for grammar. I am completely pissed off at myself. I spent so much time working on the content that I ran out of time and hastily rewrote the text without a second to review it. I had 9 errors at 4 points an error. Ugh. I'm a slave to spell check - what else can I say.
I had no other choice but to head immediately home and write this rant. Grrrr.
The course consists of two 75 minutes classes a week. I can’t tell you a single thing I’ve learnt so far this year. The first class the teacher spent the entire 75 minutes explaining the syllabus. This is a writing class. All we do is write essays – there isn’t much to explain. In another class, she spent 75 minutes answering questions on what is considered repetition; i.e. both the terms I run and I ran are considered repetitions. Yes. Even if the verbs are in different tenses it is considered a repetition. I don’t know if she simply doesn’t know how to teach or if it’s the fact that incredibly dim-witted and self-centered students surround her, but something clearly isn’t working.
Today she spent 75 minutes deciding on an alternative date for an exam. 75 freakin’ minutes. She would suggest a date and some idiot student would cry out, “but I have another exam that day” so she would suggest another date and yet another student would call out that they have another exam that day... or that they have to work the night before and won’t have time to prepare… or that they have band practice right before and might not be able to make to the class. Then she freaks out because nobody can agree on a date. Gah! You’re the freakin’ teacher lady! Just tell them that’s the exam date and to shut the fuck up. By this time I’m fuming at the complete waste of time this class has become so I suggest she write the three possible dates on the blackboard, take a vote and just stick with the majority. She says it’s a good idea, but instead of proceeding with this “good idea” she keeps yelling out dates and round and round we go.
Finally, at the end of the “class” she gives us the first essays she’s graded. I’m floored by my score: 64%. I want to scream when I see nimrod next to me got a 70% and idiot on the other side got a 74%. Scoring is divided into 2 parts: 50% is on the content, idea, style, etc., while 50% is on grammar. I got 50/50 for content and 14/50 for grammar. I am completely pissed off at myself. I spent so much time working on the content that I ran out of time and hastily rewrote the text without a second to review it. I had 9 errors at 4 points an error. Ugh. I'm a slave to spell check - what else can I say.
I had no other choice but to head immediately home and write this rant. Grrrr.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Round One Complete
After three days of exams I’m finally done for a few weeks. I can’t say it went superbly, but at least it’s done. I was disappointed in my French exam as I felt I just couldn’t get it together during the test. My physics and math exams went fairly well but I’ve learned from previous experience not to get my hopes up too much. I’ll have to wait and see for the results.
Then, there is my chemistry exam. All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK?! It was the most absurd exam I have ever seen! There was nothing even remotely close to what we studied in class. It’s as if in class he told us: an electrolyte is a substance which, once dissolved, conducts electricity. Then, at the exam, he asks: how can an elephant mutate into a frog? WHA?? Ok, that wasn’t a question but that’s certainly what it felt like.
I hate this. Chemistry is supposed to be my B+ class and now I’ve gone and failed my first exam... I’m pretty sure I failed anyway. All this time I’ve been struggling with math and physics… I really didn’t expect to have to worry about chemistry. Ugh. I need a drink.
Fuckity Fuck Fuck.
Then, there is my chemistry exam. All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK?! It was the most absurd exam I have ever seen! There was nothing even remotely close to what we studied in class. It’s as if in class he told us: an electrolyte is a substance which, once dissolved, conducts electricity. Then, at the exam, he asks: how can an elephant mutate into a frog? WHA?? Ok, that wasn’t a question but that’s certainly what it felt like.
I hate this. Chemistry is supposed to be my B+ class and now I’ve gone and failed my first exam... I’m pretty sure I failed anyway. All this time I’ve been struggling with math and physics… I really didn’t expect to have to worry about chemistry. Ugh. I need a drink.
Fuckity Fuck Fuck.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Come On!
I’m going to Pictou next weekend for a benefit concert for a friend. I just found out I have a FOURTH exam now the following week! Un-freaking-believable! Four exams in three days the week after my one weekend getaway. Fuuuuuuck!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Day two of 2008 and I’m already ranting
I don’t know if it’s all this effin’ snow, but I’m in a pissy mood today.
Rant #1
First of all, this snow is getting on my nerves. It’s been endless snowstorms for the entire month of December. It’s getting to the point that shoveling has become a daily ritual. There is so much snow and no place to put it anymore! The snowbanks are at least 5 feet high and growing. My driveway seems to be shrinking on a daily basis. However, salvation is on the way. My brother-in-law has arranged to have someone snowblow my driveway tonight. It’s a one shot deal, but at least it should help us clear the piles of snow until the next storm. A few pics for the time being:
The front door
View from the front door
View from the back window
Rant #2
Then, there’s my Mom. I’m annoyed with her today because we had a little falling out this morning. You see, yesterday was New Year’s day and we had supper at my Mom’s place. After supper she brought out plates of cookies, a box of Ferrero Rochers and two boxes of chocolates. Why does this upset me? It upsets me because there is no reason for all that junk food… particularly in my family. I mean, I have a sister who and a nephew who are diabetic, my Mom has high cholesterol, another sister who is trying to loose weight and eat healthily after having had uterine cancer and a 10-year-old nephew who is clearly over weight. Plus, I think I have a food compulsion. I make light of it most of the time, joking about eating Two-Bite brownies, but when you stuff yourself to the point of making yourself sick, there is clearly something wrong. Would my Mom take out a pack of cigarettes and pass it around? No! But all this crap is just as bad. She doesn’t seem to see that she is poisoning not only herself, but her kids and her grand-children too.
Anyway, this morning I asked her why she goes out and buys all this stuff and of course she got upset. She says she only does it at Christmas which is freakin’ bullshit! She buys this crap because she wants it but doesn’t want to feel guilty eating it so by having us stuff our faces, it relieves her guilt. She was pissed and ended the conversation abruptly. I just know she is going to call one of my sisters and say: ”I can’t do anything right”. Ugh.
It just really upsets me because I feel like my eating issues stem from my upbringing. My Mom was always “dieting” when I was growing up and always complained about her weight issues. She would also hide junk food and eat it in secrecy. I find myself doing that as well. Like, sometimes I will buy junk and eat it in my room so my roommates don’t see me. :-( It worries me and it makes me scared for the example I will be setting for my future children. Last night my Mom saw me take more Ferrero Rocher and stuff it down my mouth and she laughed. She thinks it's funny that I stuff myself to the point of being sick. She finds it cute because she thinks it makes me happy… no! It makes me sick. It makes me feel bad about myself. Grrr.
Rant #3
Now, about a boy. New Year’s Eve I went out with mystery airport guy (MAG… I’d use his real name, but I’m afraid it would be too much commitment and would jinx me). We went out for supper and actually had a lovely evening. We came home around 11, watched a little TV until the New Year and then he left at 12:05 because I had to work the next morning. Everything was going good with us, but around 11:30 his phone rang. He looks at the number and doesn’t recognise it so he answers. I can hear the other person talking and it’s a girl… it’s his ex-fiancée. He left her in July. She asks him where he is and he says Moncton. She asks him what he did that evening and he says he went out for supper and then she asks him if he can talk and he says no. He hangs up and tells me it was his ex (at least he told me, right). He was clearly upset and just adds, I don’t know why she is calling me… I don’t like it, he adds. I asked him if they’ve talked since they broke-up and he says 4 or 5 times. I’m not sure what to make of this. Seems to me you don’t call your ex close to midnight on New Year’s Even unless you are trying to get him back. I have no issues with exs being friends and I’ve been trying to push it aside, but it’s been bothering me. I want to ask him if he called her back, but I don’t want to seem like the jealous type. I realise he is the one who left, but I also know he really loved her. My understanding is he left because he thought she was cheating on him and that she wasn’t treating him well. It’s different then what happened between Mike and I. I mean, I left but I was miserable with him even though he was not mean or bad to me. I wonder if there is a part of MAG that wishes she would change and that they could get back together. I know how difficult that first year can be even if you are the one who did the leaving. I just remember how I was 6 months after leaving Mike and it’s safe to say I was a complete mess! Anyway, I guess this isn’t really a rant, but more of a mini-complaint, but rant fit the theme better.
Rant #1
First of all, this snow is getting on my nerves. It’s been endless snowstorms for the entire month of December. It’s getting to the point that shoveling has become a daily ritual. There is so much snow and no place to put it anymore! The snowbanks are at least 5 feet high and growing. My driveway seems to be shrinking on a daily basis. However, salvation is on the way. My brother-in-law has arranged to have someone snowblow my driveway tonight. It’s a one shot deal, but at least it should help us clear the piles of snow until the next storm. A few pics for the time being:
The front door
View from the front door
View from the back window
Rant #2
Then, there’s my Mom. I’m annoyed with her today because we had a little falling out this morning. You see, yesterday was New Year’s day and we had supper at my Mom’s place. After supper she brought out plates of cookies, a box of Ferrero Rochers and two boxes of chocolates. Why does this upset me? It upsets me because there is no reason for all that junk food… particularly in my family. I mean, I have a sister who and a nephew who are diabetic, my Mom has high cholesterol, another sister who is trying to loose weight and eat healthily after having had uterine cancer and a 10-year-old nephew who is clearly over weight. Plus, I think I have a food compulsion. I make light of it most of the time, joking about eating Two-Bite brownies, but when you stuff yourself to the point of making yourself sick, there is clearly something wrong. Would my Mom take out a pack of cigarettes and pass it around? No! But all this crap is just as bad. She doesn’t seem to see that she is poisoning not only herself, but her kids and her grand-children too.
Anyway, this morning I asked her why she goes out and buys all this stuff and of course she got upset. She says she only does it at Christmas which is freakin’ bullshit! She buys this crap because she wants it but doesn’t want to feel guilty eating it so by having us stuff our faces, it relieves her guilt. She was pissed and ended the conversation abruptly. I just know she is going to call one of my sisters and say: ”I can’t do anything right”. Ugh.
It just really upsets me because I feel like my eating issues stem from my upbringing. My Mom was always “dieting” when I was growing up and always complained about her weight issues. She would also hide junk food and eat it in secrecy. I find myself doing that as well. Like, sometimes I will buy junk and eat it in my room so my roommates don’t see me. :-( It worries me and it makes me scared for the example I will be setting for my future children. Last night my Mom saw me take more Ferrero Rocher and stuff it down my mouth and she laughed. She thinks it's funny that I stuff myself to the point of being sick. She finds it cute because she thinks it makes me happy… no! It makes me sick. It makes me feel bad about myself. Grrr.
Rant #3
Now, about a boy. New Year’s Eve I went out with mystery airport guy (MAG… I’d use his real name, but I’m afraid it would be too much commitment and would jinx me). We went out for supper and actually had a lovely evening. We came home around 11, watched a little TV until the New Year and then he left at 12:05 because I had to work the next morning. Everything was going good with us, but around 11:30 his phone rang. He looks at the number and doesn’t recognise it so he answers. I can hear the other person talking and it’s a girl… it’s his ex-fiancée. He left her in July. She asks him where he is and he says Moncton. She asks him what he did that evening and he says he went out for supper and then she asks him if he can talk and he says no. He hangs up and tells me it was his ex (at least he told me, right). He was clearly upset and just adds, I don’t know why she is calling me… I don’t like it, he adds. I asked him if they’ve talked since they broke-up and he says 4 or 5 times. I’m not sure what to make of this. Seems to me you don’t call your ex close to midnight on New Year’s Even unless you are trying to get him back. I have no issues with exs being friends and I’ve been trying to push it aside, but it’s been bothering me. I want to ask him if he called her back, but I don’t want to seem like the jealous type. I realise he is the one who left, but I also know he really loved her. My understanding is he left because he thought she was cheating on him and that she wasn’t treating him well. It’s different then what happened between Mike and I. I mean, I left but I was miserable with him even though he was not mean or bad to me. I wonder if there is a part of MAG that wishes she would change and that they could get back together. I know how difficult that first year can be even if you are the one who did the leaving. I just remember how I was 6 months after leaving Mike and it’s safe to say I was a complete mess! Anyway, I guess this isn’t really a rant, but more of a mini-complaint, but rant fit the theme better.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
I'm Chicken Shit
I had a meeting with TD Bank today for my student LOC and it seemed to go rather well… I should know tomorrow.
The problem? It’s 99% certain I’ll need a co-signer. I’m terrified of asking my mother. My fear is not that she will say no… my fear is that she will say yes. I love my mother, but we are very different people. She is extremely “stressed” right now because I bought a house that’s “old”. She isn’t making payments; she doesn’t live here, yet she is still so “stressed”. Plus, I’ve gone and bought this house without a husband! I must be insane. The thought of me leaving my full-time job to go back to school is likely going to send her off the deep end. Ugh.
I’m afraid that if I ask her to be my co-signer, her signature will come with three years of judgment and additional stress.
You know what sucks the most in all this? If I had a husband, my Mom would not think I was crazy for buying a house nor going to school. I could be in an unhappy marriage right now and things would make more sense to my Mom. Ugh.
The problem? It’s 99% certain I’ll need a co-signer. I’m terrified of asking my mother. My fear is not that she will say no… my fear is that she will say yes. I love my mother, but we are very different people. She is extremely “stressed” right now because I bought a house that’s “old”. She isn’t making payments; she doesn’t live here, yet she is still so “stressed”. Plus, I’ve gone and bought this house without a husband! I must be insane. The thought of me leaving my full-time job to go back to school is likely going to send her off the deep end. Ugh.
I’m afraid that if I ask her to be my co-signer, her signature will come with three years of judgment and additional stress.
You know what sucks the most in all this? If I had a husband, my Mom would not think I was crazy for buying a house nor going to school. I could be in an unhappy marriage right now and things would make more sense to my Mom. Ugh.
Think positive thoughts – have a positive day
I’m not having such a great day. I’ve been up since 6:30 am with pain and numbness in my right hand… it’s the carpel tunnel. Just when the acupuncture was starting to work, the scraping, painting and lifting made things worse. Ugh. I sanded the wallpaper from hell room this morning and added more polyfill to cover the holes. I was so painful! I was trying to put the putty on with my left hand and could barely hold the can with my right. Ugh. Right now I’m slowly typing with my left hand.
My poor, poor wrist. :-(
I’m on break for the rest of the day – I just really need to rest my wrists. Here is a picture of my spackle-happy room (formerly known as the wallpaper from hell room).
I think I had a few holes. Hopefully tonight my wrists will be rested enough to at least prime the room.
I’m waiting for the furniture guy to come cut my box spring so I can get it up the stairs. I hope this works! I’m dreading helping him push the stupid thing up the stairs. I fear pain in my future.
As for the student line of credit, I’ve called Scotia Bank and apparently you can’t actually meet with someone at a bank. I swear; banks are the stupidest institutions in the freakin’ world! I have another 1-800 number to call to see if I qualify for a student LOC. I’m waiting until the furniture guy has come to do his thing before I call. Once I’ve called the 1-800, I have to do the application online. Why can’t I just meet with a human being? GRRRR. Speaking of stupid banks, I’m still dirt poor. I don’t think I mentioned BMOs major screw-up last week – apparently they screwed up when transferring my RRSPs to my chequing account. The bank director advanced me the money last Wednesday so I could pay my lawyer and get my house, but now my account has been in overdraft since then. The problem is, I don’t actually have an overdraft so it’s like I have zero funds in my account. The RRSPs still haven’t been transferred as of today. I just left a nasty message with the bank manager. I mean seriously – this is getting ridiculous!
I’ve had requests for more house pictures. I’m posting a few, although the place is still quite the disaster zone. I’ve got boxes everywhere!
Here is my new couch and funky chaise longue:
Here is a messy picture of my kitchen/computer relaxation area:
My poor, poor wrist. :-(
I’m on break for the rest of the day – I just really need to rest my wrists. Here is a picture of my spackle-happy room (formerly known as the wallpaper from hell room).
I think I had a few holes. Hopefully tonight my wrists will be rested enough to at least prime the room.
I’m waiting for the furniture guy to come cut my box spring so I can get it up the stairs. I hope this works! I’m dreading helping him push the stupid thing up the stairs. I fear pain in my future.
As for the student line of credit, I’ve called Scotia Bank and apparently you can’t actually meet with someone at a bank. I swear; banks are the stupidest institutions in the freakin’ world! I have another 1-800 number to call to see if I qualify for a student LOC. I’m waiting until the furniture guy has come to do his thing before I call. Once I’ve called the 1-800, I have to do the application online. Why can’t I just meet with a human being? GRRRR. Speaking of stupid banks, I’m still dirt poor. I don’t think I mentioned BMOs major screw-up last week – apparently they screwed up when transferring my RRSPs to my chequing account. The bank director advanced me the money last Wednesday so I could pay my lawyer and get my house, but now my account has been in overdraft since then. The problem is, I don’t actually have an overdraft so it’s like I have zero funds in my account. The RRSPs still haven’t been transferred as of today. I just left a nasty message with the bank manager. I mean seriously – this is getting ridiculous!
I’ve had requests for more house pictures. I’m posting a few, although the place is still quite the disaster zone. I’ve got boxes everywhere!
Here is my new couch and funky chaise longue:
Here is a messy picture of my kitchen/computer relaxation area:
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Out Loud
I was happy to see I'm not alone in my office loud talker pet peeve. In fact, it’s the highest office pet peeve according to this article. It caught my attention today as I have a particularly LOUD co-worker.
As in this article I know way too much about said co-worker. I usually know what he is having for dinner, what he paid for his current house, what range he would like his new house to be in, what his weekend plans are, how much money he has in his bank account... seriously, I'm just waiting for him to announce his credit card number so I can start charging earplugs from e-bay to his account!
Despite the laundry list of complaints, the loud talker wins the award for most annoying. Of 2318 people surveyed in March 2006 by Harris Interactive and Randstad, 32% say an office loud talker is their biggest pet peeve. Coming in a close second at 30% is using an annoying cellphone ringtone; 22% said speakerphones are their No. 1 peeve.
As in this article I know way too much about said co-worker. I usually know what he is having for dinner, what he paid for his current house, what range he would like his new house to be in, what his weekend plans are, how much money he has in his bank account... seriously, I'm just waiting for him to announce his credit card number so I can start charging earplugs from e-bay to his account!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Pravus strikes again
If you don't know who Pravus is, that means you missed the post called: How Changa really feels. It was only posted for a 24 hour period and was a brief look into my many frustrations. Among these frustrations is a person I refer to as Pravus. Pravus is Latin for evil. Since I would rather not say her name... mostly because it disgusts me to do so, I'll just keep calling her Pravus. Don't worry; if you missed the post, I'm sure you'll be able to connect the dots.
So after telling my mother off a few days before my brother's funeral, Pravus acted like nothing happened and was even semi-nice to my mother. I mean, she was still an evil bitch, but she wasn't telling anyone off, so it was manageable. Since then, Pravus and my mother have been in communication frequently and you could say she even cried on my mother's shoulder once or twice.
Side story: my mom has a table in her living room on which she has each of my sisters' wedding pictures and even had my engagement picture once upon a time. My brother got married 12 years ago and although my mother asked for a wedding picture over and over again, she never received one. Therefore, my brother's wedding picture was never on the table. Of course, since he had been separated for the last 5 years, it was obviously not the time to add a picture.
Ok, back to your regularly scheduled program: So last Monday was my mother's birthday. As I'm walking out of the house that evening, Pravus shows up with a gift. I'm surprised because I don't think she ever bought a gift for my mother in the past. When I get home later that evening, my mother is crying. Pravus gave her a little wooden angel (she collects them) and a wedding picture of her and my brother. What the fuck? Why the hell would she give my mother a wedding picture NOW!?
Since Pravus claims stake to all of my brother's worldly possessions, the task of emptying his apartment was left to her. However, my mother (being the person she is) offered to help clean out the apartment to which Pravus agreed. Since Pravus has said repeatedly she only wanted what is hers (which we still don’t know what the hell she is talking about), I think my Mom went there prepared to bring home some of my brother's stuff. She expected the place to be cluttered and disorganised - I mean, she was going there to help clean. When she got there, Pravus had pretty much cleared up everything. She told my mother she was taking everything. My mom asked for the microwave as it had been a gift and Pravus said she needed it. (Another side-note: Pravus is 40-something and lives with her parents) Pravus claimed that the microwave she has had in storage for the last 5 years was dropped and broken and she now needed this new one. To any other request my mother made, Pravus responded: RayLynn wants it. Yeah, freakin' right! My mother also asked if she could have three of my brother's car models. Car models were his passion and he had well over a 100. She told her she wasn't sure she had enough, BAH!!! My mom thinks she is gearing up to sell them at a car model fair this Fall. The kicker was when my mother asked to have back the Christmas ornaments she had given to my brother over years. Pravus shoved her hand in a box, grabbed a random toy solider and said: here, you can have this. GAH! It's almost like she asked my Mom to come over to twist this huge knife in her back. What the hell is wrong with that woman!
Of course, my mother arrived at my sister's place crying (I was at my sister's place helping out). I can't seem to be able to do anything when it comes to Pravus... quite frankly I have to walk away or else I'm afraid I'll explode. The sad part is, I likely won't explode in Pravus' face... it's going to be my Mom who gets the brunt of my anger. Grrr. I HATE PRAVUS!
So after telling my mother off a few days before my brother's funeral, Pravus acted like nothing happened and was even semi-nice to my mother. I mean, she was still an evil bitch, but she wasn't telling anyone off, so it was manageable. Since then, Pravus and my mother have been in communication frequently and you could say she even cried on my mother's shoulder once or twice.
Side story: my mom has a table in her living room on which she has each of my sisters' wedding pictures and even had my engagement picture once upon a time. My brother got married 12 years ago and although my mother asked for a wedding picture over and over again, she never received one. Therefore, my brother's wedding picture was never on the table. Of course, since he had been separated for the last 5 years, it was obviously not the time to add a picture.
Ok, back to your regularly scheduled program: So last Monday was my mother's birthday. As I'm walking out of the house that evening, Pravus shows up with a gift. I'm surprised because I don't think she ever bought a gift for my mother in the past. When I get home later that evening, my mother is crying. Pravus gave her a little wooden angel (she collects them) and a wedding picture of her and my brother. What the fuck? Why the hell would she give my mother a wedding picture NOW!?
Since Pravus claims stake to all of my brother's worldly possessions, the task of emptying his apartment was left to her. However, my mother (being the person she is) offered to help clean out the apartment to which Pravus agreed. Since Pravus has said repeatedly she only wanted what is hers (which we still don’t know what the hell she is talking about), I think my Mom went there prepared to bring home some of my brother's stuff. She expected the place to be cluttered and disorganised - I mean, she was going there to help clean. When she got there, Pravus had pretty much cleared up everything. She told my mother she was taking everything. My mom asked for the microwave as it had been a gift and Pravus said she needed it. (Another side-note: Pravus is 40-something and lives with her parents) Pravus claimed that the microwave she has had in storage for the last 5 years was dropped and broken and she now needed this new one. To any other request my mother made, Pravus responded: RayLynn wants it. Yeah, freakin' right! My mother also asked if she could have three of my brother's car models. Car models were his passion and he had well over a 100. She told her she wasn't sure she had enough, BAH!!! My mom thinks she is gearing up to sell them at a car model fair this Fall. The kicker was when my mother asked to have back the Christmas ornaments she had given to my brother over years. Pravus shoved her hand in a box, grabbed a random toy solider and said: here, you can have this. GAH! It's almost like she asked my Mom to come over to twist this huge knife in her back. What the hell is wrong with that woman!
Of course, my mother arrived at my sister's place crying (I was at my sister's place helping out). I can't seem to be able to do anything when it comes to Pravus... quite frankly I have to walk away or else I'm afraid I'll explode. The sad part is, I likely won't explode in Pravus' face... it's going to be my Mom who gets the brunt of my anger. Grrr. I HATE PRAVUS!
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Can someone hit the fast forward button?
Today is one of those days I just want to fast forward through the next six months. As much as I try to be positive and in control and happy and all that crap... today I just want to scream! I want to be in my own house where I don’t have to justify every God damn action. I want to be able to go out without having to tell anyone where I’m going. I want to type away in my room without having someone comment on the speed of my typing… yes I’m serious. Apparently I type fast according to my Mom. Good Lord Woman! Give me my space!
I want to do things that are right for me and not have to worry about how someone is going to feel about it or whether I hurt their feelings or not. I want to be me and not have to worry that I told some potential date too much, too soon or not enough or the wrong thing. I want to skip over all these effing bad dates and go directly to where I am supposed to be.
Today, I don’t want to be the responsible sister. I don’t want to listen to everyone else’s stress. I can’t solve your problems. I can’t make it better so just go deal with your own shit while I mumble and complain to the online world in my room.
Yes. Can someone PLEASE hit the fast forward button.
I want to do things that are right for me and not have to worry about how someone is going to feel about it or whether I hurt their feelings or not. I want to be me and not have to worry that I told some potential date too much, too soon or not enough or the wrong thing. I want to skip over all these effing bad dates and go directly to where I am supposed to be.
Today, I don’t want to be the responsible sister. I don’t want to listen to everyone else’s stress. I can’t solve your problems. I can’t make it better so just go deal with your own shit while I mumble and complain to the online world in my room.
Yes. Can someone PLEASE hit the fast forward button.
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