The Second Chapter

It’s been a little over two months since my last post and I’m not even sure where to start. The last few months have been a bit of a roller coaster of ups and downs. The last time I posted was the day we found out the IVF didn’t work. I can say we definitely have been dealing with it very well, but other challenges have since presented themselves.

We had our follow-up appointment at the clinic a few weeks ago and it wasn’t great. Turns out my husband isn’t the only one with issues. Apparently I’ve got the ovaries of a pre-menopausal 45 year old. The doctor has a new protocol to suggest, but he says that even with the max amount of drugs he doubts we’ll get more than 4 or 5 eggs (we had 4 last time). He says our odds of conceiving with a new cycle is about 25% (last time it was 40 - 50%). We enquired about embryo donation but it’s next to impossible in Canada. Now we have to decide what to do next. If money was limitless we would do a new cycle, but we need to be smart about our money because international adoption is crazy expensive.

We’ve been on the “adoption train” since our last failed cycle and wow is it depressing and overwhelming. We attended a training/information session in April for international adoption and it really opened our eyes on the challenges we will have. First of all, a whole bunch of countries are closed to us because Mr Perfect has had a divorce. Seriously? Ugh. The only country which might be an option is the most expensive one: the US. Blarg. As for local public adoption, we’ve also hit some roadblocks. Since we speak French at home, we can only have French children placed with us and of course, the pool of francophones is limited. :-( When we attended the international adoption info session we met couples who had been waiting 3 to 4 years for public adoption. We thought that our chances where better since we are willing to accept sibling groups and children up to 10 years old, but other couples were willing to accept the same. :-(

We’ve since attended an info session for public adoption as well. Turns out we are on the waiting list to BE on the waiting list. Ugh. We actually haven’t even applied for adoption yet. We have to wait to take our PRIDE course and only then can we actually apply for adoption. Getting the pride course can take years and then the actual adoption process can take another couple of years on top of that. It’s depressing. Mr Perfect was encouraged by the session, but I can’t get over the long wait to meet our children.

We went to see a psychologist last month since we had a free session included in our last cycle and we thought we should take advantage of it. The positive thing that came out was that we are in good shape emotionally. Honestly, we probably didn’t need the session, but it was good to bounce back some of our thoughts with him. We are both on the same page and are willing to go to great lengths to have a child. The psychologist also made us realise how the need to have a child has been weighing on us. Even though we've been trying for less than 2 years, we have both been on a quest to have children long before we met. So in reality, we've both been waiting for this child for a good 6 to 8 years... even if we've only been together for 3 years. That really struck a cord for me.... the realisation that this has been weighing on us for a very long time. He also pointed out that we need to accept that we might never have children and have to start living our lives as a couple without kids. Of course, we aren’t there yet and still have a lot of routes we want to try, but we do need stop putting all our focus on one day having a child and start living for today. I mean, we need an identity outside of “potential parents”. We can’t put all our self-worth into being parents because that’s an awful lot to ask of a child.

That brought us to the decision to sell our house. We have been putting it off for a year now because we might get pregnant, we might have to do another round of IVF, we might have to adopt and all this time we’ve been putting our life on hold. So after 6 weeks of grueling work on the house, it is now on the market! YAY! We have found some potential homes and hope to put an offer soon. I’m exited to start the next phase of our lives. :-)

As for doing another round of IVF, we’re still on the fence with that. I want to do another round because I feel I will always regret not doing one more if we don’t. I also feel that between his dazed and confused sperm and my old lady ovaries, it would be best to do it sooner, rather than later. I also feel incredibly strongly that I’m meant to be pregnant. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I can’t help believing that we are meant to have children. I guess the thought of never carrying a child is something I need to grieve and I’m just not there yet. I just feel so strongly that I’m meant to do another cycle…. Let’s just hope I’m not just in denial about our situation. :-(

For now, we will see what happens with the house and then decide what our next steps will be. Cross your fingers for a quick and lucrative sell!

When are you having a baby?

That’s the question we have to get used to hearing. If the answer was simple, we would say September. No, not September 2012; September 2011... cause that’s how long we’ve been trying to get pregnant. Unfortunately, the answer isn’t that simple. *sigh*

I’ve always said my biggest fear was not being able to have children (whether biologically or through adoption) and over the last 9 months, my fears have slowly bubbled up. We’ve also run into a few roadblocks. So far, it’s nothing major, but it might be the reason why we haven’t been able to get pregnant so far. The first roadblock was discovered when my doctor sent me for a battery of tests. We discovered that my prolactin level is too high. Prolactin is a hormone which is normally produced when a woman is pregnant and when she is breastfeeding. It’s the hormone that reduces the chances of a woman getting pregnant while breastfeeding. However, we’ve all heard of woman who get pregnant even when breastfeeding so it’s not a complete loss just yet. The other challenge is my age. If I have to hear or read one more time how 35 is the deadly age when fertility starts to decline, I might just have to punch someone. However, that’s the reality of the situation. Every month that goes by, my capacity to have children is reduced. I feel like a ticking time bomb some days. Not all the news we’ve received has been bad, of course. Mr Perfect (being as perfect as he is), also has a perfect sperm count. Yay Mr. Perfect! Actually, I believe the doctor said “awesome swimmers” which Mr. Perfect has asked me to highlight anytime I talk about his junk. :-)

That being said, things are looking up these days! Yesterday I met with the gynaecologist (or vaginacologist as Mr Perfect likes to call her) and my appointment was awesome! First of all, she thinks the high prolactin might not be a concern after all and is sending me for follow-up tests. She also said that everything looks normal and that I’m definitely ovulating according to my charts. Another yay! Finally, she said she didn’t want to mess around with trying different things and wants us to get down to business ASAP. I was so happy she didn’t want to spend another year testing things out and wants to be proactive right away.

So here’s the plan. In a few weeks I will have an HSG test done to make sure I don’t have any blockages. If the test indicates everything is ok and we still aren’t pregnant, we will proceed to an intrauterine insemination or IUI, which involves way more people than I ever imagined would be present when I conceive a child. Although an IUI is generally used for cases that involve male infertility, the doctor wants to push for this since it optimises our chance of getting pregnant. Since time is a factor at my age, we are doing everything possible for a positive outcome. If all goes well, we could be welcoming a new baby as early as July of next year.

As a back-up measure we’ve looked into adoption and have put our names on the waiting list for a public adoption. Problem is, the waiting list is 8 to 9 years long! I’m not kidding. I asked the social worker if it ever happens that someone gets a child earlier than the 8 year wait and she said that in her 15 year career, one couple got a child at the 7.5 year mark. Nice. We’ve also looked into private adoption, but with prices starting at 10K for a domestic adoption, 15 to 20K for an international adoption and 25k for a US adoption, it’s a bit pricey at this point in the game. Here’s hoping everything works out and we don’t have to go that route.

In other news, we’ve decided to put the house sale on hold until the Spring. There are just too many stressful things going on right now. We’ve also discovered we need to redo the roof before selling. Add to that, the costs associated with the IUI (and quite possibly multiple IUIs) and we just aren’t in a position to double our mortgage right now. We’re still going ahead with all the renos, but we aren’t rushing to get it done in the next month. At least we’ll get to enjoy some of the renos we’ve done... right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

No Pressure

Last Saturday I was hanging out with my nephews Alex (14) and Isaac (12). Apparently my sister had told them Mr. Perfect was moving in with me.

Alex: Mom told me Mr. Perfect was going to move in with you. That’s really great news, huh?
Me: Yes it is. We’re very happy.
Alex: Do you think you’ll marry him?
Me: Well… maybe.
Isaac: That would be fun because I don’t an uncle Perfect yet!
Alex: I would really like that too. But… just so you know, I would really like some more cousins, ok?

Thank kid - no pressure at all.


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Finally; The Perfect Roommate.

It’s taken a very long time, but I just know I’ve finally found the perfect roommate. He won’t be moving in until the end of October, but I can’t wait! You might have guessed it... Mr. Perfect will be moving in with me. :-) We decided this week it was time to take the plunge and we're hoping to begin our domestic bliss during my study break the last week of October.

I’ve had a perma-smile the last few days and have resisted the urge to tell absolutely everyone I meet. It hasn’t been easy because I’m just so excited! It’s going to be so nice to wake-up to him every morning, to have supper together every night, not to have to truck 10,000 bags (school bag, overnight bag, running gear, Pacha’s bag, gah!) back and forth between homes every few days, knowing that even though I am studying we can have moments together that don’t necessitate a 30 minute commute and a degree in logistics!

We’ve also decided that we don’t want anyone else living with us. Can I just say how excited I am not to have to share my house with strangers anymore!?! For the first time since I bought the house I can walk around naked, I can decorate every room just the way I (or we) want it, if stuff gets broken it’s because we accidentally broke it and not because some careless tenant has no appreciation for anything that isn’t his, hell, we can even do it in every room!

We haven’t told Bonhomme yet and I think it’s best to wait until he gives me the rent for October. I wouldn’t want him to get pissed off and move out and leave me high and dry for a month.

It looks like my “16 months left” chant has now turned into a “38 days left” chant. Wheeeeee!


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There’s a hole in my ceiling, Dear Liza, Dear Liza

Yesterday the main level ceiling started leaking. All I could think was, Dear Lord, don’t let it be expensive! A call to Mr. Perfect and he quickly came over to access the situation. It appeared to be bathroom-plumbing related since the leak was directly below the toilet. After cutting a small hole in my ceiling to see what was up, Mr. Perfect realized he needed a bigger hole. So now there as hole about 4 square feet in my ceiling, but Mr. Perfect has found the leak and will be back tonight to fix it. Have I mentioned how much I love this guy? :-)

Of course, now that there is a hole in the ceiling I finally get someone willing to come see the rooms I have for rent this evening! What timing.


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Snow Day!

I was quite shocked this morning when the radio announcer said University was closed! The University never closes! I was thrilled because Monday is my busiest day with classes from 8:30 to 4:30. I also have a big project due in a few days and could really use the extra time to work on it. The down side of a snow day is shoveling. Two hours of carting around the white stuff, helped by my roommate and a couple of random guys I paid $10 each to finish the job and my driveway is finally clear. Phew.

Here are a few pictures of all the snow and little Miss Pacha in her snow day outfit. :-)







You know what? A two hour workout for a day off is pretty good deal to me. Sadly they are calling for another blizzard tonight. Frankly, if I don't get a snow day and still have to shovel, I don't get the point.


...

Finally. Pics!

Finally. Here are some pictures of my most recent projects (laminate floor and headboard).

The old floor. This is actually the floor in the hallway because I forgot a before shot of my room. It was painted soft wood. Eventually I'll do the rest of the house.


The new floor! I hadn't planned on installing laminate, but my sister had extra and gave it to me so i figured why not?

To create the headboard I took an old wooden door, cut it to size, framed it with 2 x 4 and painted it. Then i attached it to the wall. Here are the results:


The door looked like this before the construction:


Close-up. It's too bad you can't see much.


I'll be hangning some B&W photos I've taken, but for now I just placed them above the headboard.


I also made the bedskirt and all the cushions as well as the night table cover which you can see in an earlier picture






Finally, I took an old wicker laundry hamper I had since I was 14, fixed it up and repainted it to match. The bottom had fallen out so I "sewed" it back on with twine.

The downfall of Barbecue season…

I love to barbecue! I think my favourite thing about it is the lack of dishes to do after the meal! However, I"ve discovered a slight problem with barbecuing: having your roommate forget to turn off the burner and you throwing in a match… thinking you will throw in the match and THEN turn on the burner… only to realize seconds later that you’ve burnt off all your forearm hair!

It’s all stubbly and feels like I shaved my forearm! Bah!

Happy barbecue season everyone!! :-)

SOS: Send Two-Bite Brownies and a Snowblower!

Freakin’ snow day! Moncton just got 30-some cm of snow overnight with more to come. Normally I would be excited at the prospect of a day off, but not today! You see, my chemistry professor offered us 15 bonus points on our exam if we were able to complete a small quiz this morning consisting of two questions. The catch was, you had to get both questions completely right. So, being an eager little student, I studied my heart out and was fully ready for the quiz. I was convinced the University would not be closed. I mean, the University NEVER closes!

So this morning I got up and got ready to weather the storm. I put on my snowjacket, boots, mittens, scarf and toque and headed out into the snow. I had listened to the radio and since there was no mention of the university closing I was going to get my 15 bonus points!

I should have known that when I had trouble opening the front door because of the knee-deep snow in front of it, I shouldn’t have headed out. But we are talking about 15 bonus points. Do you know what that means? If I got a 75% on my exam I would end up with a 90%!! Nothing was stopping me from my points.

The storm wasn’t too bad on my street but once I got onto the main street where it’s completely open I could barely see where I was going. Of course, none of the sidewalks were plowed so I rolled over a snow bank and started walking in the road… praying I would not get run over. A walk that would normally take 10 minutes took 30. The campus was completely dead… no cars whatsoever. I still wasn’t convinced so I made it all the way to my building. I figured if nothing else I could at least take a few minutes to warm up before heading back. The doors were locked!!

So completely frozen, I started to make my way back home. Of course, I was wearing jeans… who wears jeans in a snow storm?! Gah! The walk back wasn’t so bad... my jeans were so wet that my legs were numb from the cold so at that point I couldn’t feel anything. By the time I got home, my jeans were frozen so I had trouble bending my legs to get up over the bank. So I had to throw my bag over the curb and roll myself to my front door. Ugh.

Now I’m back in my PJs with a hot cup of coffee… dreading the shoveling that needs to be done soon. I just HAD to have the house with the colossal double driveway! Grrr.

Silly girl – Study breaks are for studying!

I’m “off” this week. I use the term off loosely because I’m supposed to be using the time off to study. So far it’s not really working as planned. The plan was to use half days to do work around the house and half days to study.

Saturday: lazed around the house all day (well deserved, though)
Sunday: worked
Monday: Went through a bunch of stuff at my Mom’s house and transferred said junk to my house. Thankfully I’ve managed to find a place for most of it.
Tuesday: Ran around town like a mad woman running errands. Visited my sister post-surgery.
Wednesday: So far I haven’t done anything.

Since I’m working all day Saturday and Sunday, I have 2.5 days left and am starting to panic. I have two exams next week and have yet to open a book. As well, I’m supposed to be sewing and building a headboard! Gah! Where do I start?

I should start a list, but I'm afraid I won't stick to it. Hah!

My favourite spot

I love to sit on the steps of my little patio. It has to be the most wonderful place in the world! I sit there when I need a little break and want to enjoy the sun for a bit. My backyard is so quiet and peaceful – I love it! I love my house.

The best seat in the house... er out of the house.



My beautiful backyard

Point Form

I can’t believe it’s been over a week since I posted! Blogging is much more challenging when you don’t spend 8 to 10 hours a day in front of a computer. I keep thinking of things I want to write, but by the time I have a few minutes it has been replaced by mathematical equations.

Life as a student
Since it’s been so long since I posted and, let’s face it, I don’t have much time as I have to study, I’ll make this point form.
• I’m definitely a fish out of water. Everyone looks to me like they are freshman… that’s probably because a fourth year student would still only be 21. Gah!

• I keep hoping to run into cute masters or doctoral boys, but I haven’t seen too many that have that grad look.

• Even though I did most of my French classes way back when, I have to do them again. Ugh. This is a total piss off. However… there is a positive side note on profs below. :-)

• Most of my classes are killing me and leave me scratching my head in confusion. I haven’t done any advanced calculus, physics or chemistry in 12 years… the terminology seems familiar, but I can’t always figure out what the words mean. It's like trying to recall a language you once spoke.

• Like Barbie once said: “Math is hard”

• I’ve taken out my Dad’s old math books (he used to teach high school math) and have started refreshing my memory on basic information. I’m currently relearning grade 11 math… I should be caught up to University math by the end of the year. :-P

• Trying to figure out how to organize my time to optimize my studying has been a challenge. I can’t say I’m quite in the swing of things yet.

• It’s hard to even imagine having a dating life when the only guys you find even remotely interesting are your professors. Some professors, like my French professor, you find very interesting. I’d say he is about 28 or 29 and quite cute.

Life as a homeowner
• Things are finally starting to fall into place.

• My living room is painted and art has been hung up

• The space feels more welcoming every day

• Pictures to come eventually.

• My room is advancing nicely and I only have some sewing to do and a bit of construction work. More to come on that at a later date.

Life as a landlord
• My three roommates have all moved in

• So far, everyone seems to be getting along

• We’ve had a few “full house” moments when everyone is here, but for the most part, it’s very quiet

Life as a waitress
• I did my first shift at Cora’s on Saturday. Let’s say it didn’t go too well. My shoes were extremely slippery which caused me enormous issues. Think Bambi on ice.

• I slipped and fell face first once (I have the bruises to prove it)

• I slipped with a pot of coffee once

• I slipped and loss my balance once causing a plate and glass to go crashing to the floor

• All these slips were in front of the same table, with the same clients, causing one girl to scream out: Jesus Christ! Someone put something on the floor!

• On the way home from work, I hit a bunny on the highway. :-(

• When I got home I was praying said bunny wasn’t squished on the front of my car. Thank God it wasn’t.

• Sunday was much better. I had the right shoes so I felt like I could conquer the world!

The nightmare room - before and after

This was the room when the previous owners were here.


This was the room before I removed the shelves. They had lots of shelves in that room. The plan was simply to remove the shelves and repaint the room...


After removing the sheleves... hmmm... there seams to be wallpaper here... I wonder what is underneath it?


Ah yes! Faux wood panneling wallpaper!


Ugh


Once all the wallpaper was removed, it was on to repairing the wall!


After painting the walls, I repainted the floor, which was black with splatters of pink paint! One thing I learned... don't leave your coffee cup on the windowsill when painting a floor or you won't get your coffee back for another 24 hours!


Me, realising I lost my coffee.


The final product!


My room is still very much a work in progress, but here is a sneak peak. The wall colour:


This will be my duvet with the fabric for my bedskirt and pillows


This is the bureau I've refinished


I'll post pics once it's complete.

The dyslexic carpenter

I think a dyslexic carpenter used to own my house. I swear; everything is upside down. Door hinges are inside out, light sockets, switches and door handles are upside down, walls and floors are just plain crooked. Obviously, you wouldn’t call it dyslexia… it would be a dystexo based on the inability to construct accurately. Hmmmm. I might have discovered a new disease state. Although it’s a bit annoying when you are trying to replace something and are challenged to figure out how the heck this thing got installed, it also makes me feel at home. I think my Dad was dystexo. Lots of things are upside down in my Mom’s house. Often, things wouldn’t quite fit so duct tape became his best friend.

So as I look at my crooked house, I can’t help but smile and feel that my Dad is looking down on me, smiling too.

PS: I’m really not trying to make light of dyslexia! My nephew has dyslexia and he works his little heart out to keep up with everyone else.

Think positive thoughts – have a positive day

I’m not having such a great day. I’ve been up since 6:30 am with pain and numbness in my right hand… it’s the carpel tunnel. Just when the acupuncture was starting to work, the scraping, painting and lifting made things worse. Ugh. I sanded the wallpaper from hell room this morning and added more polyfill to cover the holes. I was so painful! I was trying to put the putty on with my left hand and could barely hold the can with my right. Ugh. Right now I’m slowly typing with my left hand.

My poor, poor wrist. :-(



I’m on break for the rest of the day – I just really need to rest my wrists. Here is a picture of my spackle-happy room (formerly known as the wallpaper from hell room).




I think I had a few holes. Hopefully tonight my wrists will be rested enough to at least prime the room.


I’m waiting for the furniture guy to come cut my box spring so I can get it up the stairs. I hope this works! I’m dreading helping him push the stupid thing up the stairs. I fear pain in my future.

As for the student line of credit, I’ve called Scotia Bank and apparently you can’t actually meet with someone at a bank. I swear; banks are the stupidest institutions in the freakin’ world! I have another 1-800 number to call to see if I qualify for a student LOC. I’m waiting until the furniture guy has come to do his thing before I call. Once I’ve called the 1-800, I have to do the application online. Why can’t I just meet with a human being? GRRRR. Speaking of stupid banks, I’m still dirt poor. I don’t think I mentioned BMOs major screw-up last week – apparently they screwed up when transferring my RRSPs to my chequing account. The bank director advanced me the money last Wednesday so I could pay my lawyer and get my house, but now my account has been in overdraft since then. The problem is, I don’t actually have an overdraft so it’s like I have zero funds in my account. The RRSPs still haven’t been transferred as of today. I just left a nasty message with the bank manager. I mean seriously – this is getting ridiculous!

I’ve had requests for more house pictures. I’m posting a few, although the place is still quite the disaster zone. I’ve got boxes everywhere!

Here is my new couch and funky chaise longue:




Here is a messy picture of my kitchen/computer relaxation area:

When I have nothing to do, I remove shelves

- While waiting for the cable guy to finish – I removed some shelves.
- While waiting for the phone guy to do the wiring - I removed some shelves.
- While waiting for the movers to bring in all my stuff - I removed some shelves.

I think I only removed about a ¼ so far.

Shelves


More Shelves


Right now my box spring is sitting in my downstairs office because the movers couldn’t get it upstairs. I have to wait until Monday for a furniture guy to come cut my box spring up and put it back together. EEEK!

Picture of my stairs after the battle with the box spring


Lovely pictures of my wallpaper room

Before the shelves came down


After removing the shelves and realising the paper was coming off


What is this behind the paper? Why it's more wallpaper!


Oh crap that’s a lot of wallpaper!


But you know what? I couldn't be happier. :-)

Home Sweet...

I'm in my new house! Yay! I've discovered the former owners had an odd love for wallpaper, shelves and painting OVER wallpaper and shelves! Not so yay!

I"m about a fifth of the way in one bedroom. It took us all morning just to remove the thousands of shelves. Now it's wallpaper scraping time. Ugh.

I'll be moving my furniture in tomorrow so right now I don't have anything other than a computer (with internet) and a tv (with cable). It's hard to type while sitting on the floor. :-)

Well, I must get back to scraping! I'll update soon with pictures.