We talked. We broke-up. I told him I didn’t think he felt about me the way I felt about him. He said no, I don’t think so. There was a bunch of other stuff, but essentially that’s what it boils down to. He also added that he was 75% certain he didn’t want any more kids and that was weighing heavily on him, so I guess I did the right thing.
It was fucking hard because I actually liked this one and when he said, you’re right, I don’t think I feel the same way you do I could feel my heart breaking. :-(
I think it's a good thing that I broke it off though.
At the very least he showed me I could have those lovey, fuzzy feelings again, and God bless him, he broke the dreaded three year curse! :-)
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Showing posts with label Mr Maybe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr Maybe. Show all posts
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The talk is set for tonight
I just gave him a call and told him I wanted to see him tonight. I wonder if my self-confidence influences his reactions? I usually ask him if he would like to do something and he is sometimes wishy-washy in his answer, but when I demanded to see him tonight he said, sounds great! Honestly, I wish he had hesitated because it would have helped me gain more confidence in my decision (by being mad at him). The fact that he was eager to see me, reminds me that I’m going to miss him after this. :-( Oh well, it’s like a band-aid: rip it off and eventually it will heal, right?
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Saturday, April 18, 2009
The end is nigh…
I think my relationship with Mr. Maybe is coming to an end. I’ve thought about this a lot in the last few weeks and I think it’s the right thing to do. My decision was solidified by the events of the last week. Let me run you through them.
Friday April 10 – Spent the day at Fundy National Park with Mr. Maybe. Asked if he wanted to do something that evening, but he said he had plans with his friend M.
Saturday – Called him in the evening to see what he was up too, but he was in no mood to talk. I asked if he had fun the previous evening with his friend, but apparently his friend bailed so he spent the evening home alone. I wonder why he didn’t call
Sunday, Easter – I leave him a message asking if he would like to do something that evening or the following day. He never calls back.
Monday – I send him an email wishing him good luck at his classes (he has to take classes for two months an hour and a half away from here) and ask if there is anything wrong since I hadn’t heard from him. He responds that nothing is wrong and he’s thinking of renting a place while he takes the classes instead of driving back and forth every day. I reply asking him to let me know how his classes went.
Tuesday to Friday – I don’t hear from him all week. I don’t call him because I’m assuming he’s arriving late in the evening and must be pretty tired. I don't know how his classes went and for all i know he could have moved an hour and a half away! I finally give in and call him Friday night. When I ask what he’s doing that evening he says he doesn’t know. He wants to do something, but he called everyone he knows and no one is around. Obviously, I’m hurt by this, because I wasn't even on his radar. When I ask him about his week and his classes he tells me it was super slack and he was back in town most days by mid-afternoon. I feel even more hurt. Why didn’t he call me all week? I cave and ask him if he wants to spend the evening together. He agrees and we end up watching the hockey game. I come to the conclusion that his list of priorities goes a little something like this: his son, his friends, spending the night alone on his couch watching a hockey game... me.
I went out with some friends tonight and that was when it really became clear that “he’s just not that into me”. As I discussed the events of the week, all my friends agreed it’s time to lay it all on the line. One friend adds, “give him an ultimatum; either he makes you a priority or you walk”. But you know what? I don’t think he even gets a choice in the matter. I mean, if he felt about me the way I feel about him he would want to spend more time with me. His actions are one thing, but his feelings are a bigger part of the picture. He clearly doesn’t feel the same way about me. I realize you can be scared of commitment and you can want to take things slow, but if the feelings were really there, he would be able to get passed these issues. I’ve been patient for five months and now I need to think of me. I deserve more than being someone’s occasional girlfriend.
I know people have told me to walk away or to give it one more chance, but I think I had to come to my own decision. I really feel it’s the right thing to do… this relationship has run it’s course. Sure, there's is a tiny part of me that still hopes I try to walk away and he professes his undying love to be, but let’s be real... if this were Hollywood, I'd be living in a bigger house. It's just not going to happen. However, I feel good in my decision. I feel strong about it. As many people know, sometimes it takes me a long time to make a decision, but once I get there I feel good about it... and I don't look back. I’m calm, I’m not teary-eyed and for the first time, I’m certain it feels right.
I have one more major exam tomorrow morning and then I’m done until Thursday so I’m going to try to talk to him either tomorrow night on Monday night. I’m ready to do this.
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Friday April 10 – Spent the day at Fundy National Park with Mr. Maybe. Asked if he wanted to do something that evening, but he said he had plans with his friend M.
Saturday – Called him in the evening to see what he was up too, but he was in no mood to talk. I asked if he had fun the previous evening with his friend, but apparently his friend bailed so he spent the evening home alone. I wonder why he didn’t call
Sunday, Easter – I leave him a message asking if he would like to do something that evening or the following day. He never calls back.
Monday – I send him an email wishing him good luck at his classes (he has to take classes for two months an hour and a half away from here) and ask if there is anything wrong since I hadn’t heard from him. He responds that nothing is wrong and he’s thinking of renting a place while he takes the classes instead of driving back and forth every day. I reply asking him to let me know how his classes went.
Tuesday to Friday – I don’t hear from him all week. I don’t call him because I’m assuming he’s arriving late in the evening and must be pretty tired. I don't know how his classes went and for all i know he could have moved an hour and a half away! I finally give in and call him Friday night. When I ask what he’s doing that evening he says he doesn’t know. He wants to do something, but he called everyone he knows and no one is around. Obviously, I’m hurt by this, because I wasn't even on his radar. When I ask him about his week and his classes he tells me it was super slack and he was back in town most days by mid-afternoon. I feel even more hurt. Why didn’t he call me all week? I cave and ask him if he wants to spend the evening together. He agrees and we end up watching the hockey game. I come to the conclusion that his list of priorities goes a little something like this: his son, his friends, spending the night alone on his couch watching a hockey game... me.
I went out with some friends tonight and that was when it really became clear that “he’s just not that into me”. As I discussed the events of the week, all my friends agreed it’s time to lay it all on the line. One friend adds, “give him an ultimatum; either he makes you a priority or you walk”. But you know what? I don’t think he even gets a choice in the matter. I mean, if he felt about me the way I feel about him he would want to spend more time with me. His actions are one thing, but his feelings are a bigger part of the picture. He clearly doesn’t feel the same way about me. I realize you can be scared of commitment and you can want to take things slow, but if the feelings were really there, he would be able to get passed these issues. I’ve been patient for five months and now I need to think of me. I deserve more than being someone’s occasional girlfriend.
I know people have told me to walk away or to give it one more chance, but I think I had to come to my own decision. I really feel it’s the right thing to do… this relationship has run it’s course. Sure, there's is a tiny part of me that still hopes I try to walk away and he professes his undying love to be, but let’s be real... if this were Hollywood, I'd be living in a bigger house. It's just not going to happen. However, I feel good in my decision. I feel strong about it. As many people know, sometimes it takes me a long time to make a decision, but once I get there I feel good about it... and I don't look back. I’m calm, I’m not teary-eyed and for the first time, I’m certain it feels right.
I have one more major exam tomorrow morning and then I’m done until Thursday so I’m going to try to talk to him either tomorrow night on Monday night. I’m ready to do this.
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Met the ex last night
As planned, I had supper at Mr. Maybe’s last night. He cooked a very nice meal of stew and salad. Both were made from scratch and very yummy! He even had cut out tomatoes in the shape of roses and did some fancy stuff with the carrots and radishes. :-) I think he was a little nervous about it, though because he asked me twice if it was ok and apologized because it was only a stew… ummm, dude? You made a meal from scratch! Seriously. It’s good!
After we ate, we decided to walk to Blockbuster to rent a movie. So we’re walking along chatting away when we cross a girl walking with her headphones on. She stops and says, Oh my God! Mr. Maybe? He stops and says Hi. The girl asks what he’s up too and he asks if she’s still working for the government. They chat about where they live in the neighbourhood and then he adds… so I have a little boy. The girl is shocked and looks at me and I shake my head no. He talks a little about his son and the conversation ends. As we walk away, I’m thinking, why the hell didn’t he introduce me? We get out of earshot and he tells me how weird that was. I have no idea why the conversation was weird so he asks me if I knew who that was. I tell him no, should I? Was it someone who went to school with us? He says, that was my R., my ex. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in 5 years! At this point I’m like what? Oh my God! No wonder it was weird!! R. was to him what Mike was to me, so I totally get why talking for the first time is incredibly weird… especially when it’s so completely haphazard. He apologizes for not introducing me but he was just so shocked he didn’t know what to say. I remember the first time I saw Mike. It was awkward and uncomfortable and completely surreal. It’s unimaginable to have spent 8 years with someone and then talk to him or her like a random person you knew in high school.
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After we ate, we decided to walk to Blockbuster to rent a movie. So we’re walking along chatting away when we cross a girl walking with her headphones on. She stops and says, Oh my God! Mr. Maybe? He stops and says Hi. The girl asks what he’s up too and he asks if she’s still working for the government. They chat about where they live in the neighbourhood and then he adds… so I have a little boy. The girl is shocked and looks at me and I shake my head no. He talks a little about his son and the conversation ends. As we walk away, I’m thinking, why the hell didn’t he introduce me? We get out of earshot and he tells me how weird that was. I have no idea why the conversation was weird so he asks me if I knew who that was. I tell him no, should I? Was it someone who went to school with us? He says, that was my R., my ex. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in 5 years! At this point I’m like what? Oh my God! No wonder it was weird!! R. was to him what Mike was to me, so I totally get why talking for the first time is incredibly weird… especially when it’s so completely haphazard. He apologizes for not introducing me but he was just so shocked he didn’t know what to say. I remember the first time I saw Mike. It was awkward and uncomfortable and completely surreal. It’s unimaginable to have spent 8 years with someone and then talk to him or her like a random person you knew in high school.
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