Dude – Chill! You’re Stressing me Out!

I’ve been working at the hospital as a student nurse for over a month now and so far it’s been fairly good. I’m still finding it very difficult to change departments almost every shift, but it’s getting better. It’s great that I’ve been getting more comfortable with the environment and my role as a nurse. Hopefully it will pay off during my next clinical work that starts in a few weeks.

My big issue with working at the hospital is realising just how stressed out everyone is! It almost doesn’t matter what floor you are working on, they are always short-staffed and over worked. Last week, while working on the maternity ward, all the nurses had worked double shifts in the last few weeks... that means working 24 hours straight. 8-0 Working a double every couple of weeks appears to be the norm for most of the hospital. It’s freakin’ scary. Yesterday, while working in paediatrics, one girl started to cry because she was over-worked. The horror stories just keep coming. Ugh. It’s been stressing me out but I’ve been too afraid to mention it because people might say: “I told you so” or “You can’t freak out now... you haven’t even started!” I didn’t sleep much last night or the night before because all of this has been on my mind... this morning it caught up to me in the form of a migraine. Even though I tried my best to push through it (medicated, showered, etc.) I just couldn’t and ended up calling in sick. It has me a little freaked because I’m not even two month into it and already calling in sick?! Gah!

Anyway, there’s not much point to this post other than needing to get this out.

Teacher’s Pet

I’m currently doing my second of 5 clinical rotations in psychiatry. My first rotation was a six week stint in neurology. I really loved the department and got to work with some amazing patients, but I can’t say I loved my practicum. So far, my current practicum has been pretty sweet! The major difference between the two rotations is mostly my standing in the group. Because of scheduling issues, my group was split into several groups for the first rotation so this is the first time we are all together. I’ve been matched up with some good students both times, but there always seems to be a pecking order. In my neurology rotation I was on the bottom of the totem pole while on this one, I’m the star pupil. The difference is amazing, yet somewhat disturbing.

In my neurology rotation we were 7 students and I would say we were all on an even playing field (somewhat anyway). The teacher assigned to us, we’ll call her Ginger, was teaching for the very first time so she had quite a few challenges. No matter how hard I tried I always got a bad vibe from her. I always got the feeling she didn’t feel I was doing a good job, even though I was doing exactly the same thing as the others. My friend and fellow student Sarah (not her real name) was definitely the star pupil in the group... and she didn’t seem to see why I was so frustrated. In her eyes, Ginger was an awesome teacher who gave us lots of freedom and didn’t ask much of us. Maybe it was because I was a more demanding student: I didn’t like when she cancelled our clinical (something she did 4 times) or cut them short (at least 2 hours every day) and would get frustrated because she never gave me any of the challenging cases. Sarah on the other hand got to do all the cool stuff: insert an NG tube, insert a couple of IVs, insert a catheter, attend a neuro surgery, etc. I did nothing but bath my patients... and I mean NOTHING. It was incredibly frustrating. All the other students got to try new things and each passing was just another week I didn’t get to do anything. I ended up with a B, which was the lowest grade she gave. Humph. Anyway, the clinical is over with so I’m moving on.

In my new rotation, however, I’m the one getting the special treatment. Whenever I make a mistake my teacher (Nadine), brushes it off saying something like, I know you knew better, so don’t worry about it. I get to do things no one else does too. On Friday I’ll be at the children and adolescent psychiatric unit; a privilege no one else ever gets. She’s also said that next week I can job shadow the psychiatric nurse in Emerg. She’s constantly praising me and telling me what a bright student I am and how much potential I have. It’s awesome to have all these opportunities, but I’m also feeling guilty about it. This new group of students isn’t as evenly matched as my previous group. Out of five students including myself I would say two are strong students, two are strong students lacking self-confidence and one is out in left field. Also, Nadine is the type of teacher who makes you suffer if you aren’t up to her standards or if you don’t stand by your convictions. She yells at students, degrades them and makes them cry and want to quit on a daily basis. It really sucks for the students who have a target on their back, but they also didn’t come prepared for the clinical either. One student in particular, “Linda” is a mature student who has been doing her Bachelor for-ev-er. She’s failed a few classes because, as she said, “the teacher made her fail”, and keeps screwing up on a daily basis. On our first day she showed up in street wear when everyone else was in scrubs. That same week she missed her assignment because “no one told her she had to go to the hospital to get it” and yet the other 4 students had clearly understood we had an assignement. It takes her 30 minutes to give meds to 2 patients when it takes about 5 to 10 minutes for everyone else. Nadine LOVES to pick on her and boy does she! The more Nadine screams, the more Linda flails. It’s really sad to see.

All this to say that it’s awesome getting special treatment, but I don’t want the other students to start hating me. I mean, for one thing it’s not fair and for another, we’re going to be together for another 4 months! I keep trying to remind myself to just take advantage of all the opportunities I’m getting (it is my career, after all) while remaining level headed as possible. I try my best to help out the students and encourage them, because two of them just need to know they are doing a good job, but even that doesn’t work because now Nadine has told me that she’ll be lowering my grade if I keep helping everyone else. Grrr.

Anyway, I guess I just have to remember to keep my ego in check because my next rotation could do a 180! It’s tough when so much of your grade depends on how well you “connect” with the prof.



***

Retrospective

It appears I’ve been studying my brother’s medical history this semester. In one of my classes called Soins de l’adulte (which essentially deals with disease management), we’ve focused, among others, on diabetes, renal failure and heart failure; all things that affected my brother. During my last class earlier this week, I couldn’t help but think how much I would love to get my hands on my brother’s medical records. I understand so much more about his diseases now and would love to see what was documented in his files. I realise that will never happen now that he has passed away, but I think it would be wonderful to get a better understanding of what he went through. I mean this not only from a nursing perspective, but also from a personal perspective. I’ve come to realise that I truly didn’t understand him or just how much his illness affected his personal life.

Sometimes, during class, I go over scenes from my past and think about what I know now versus then. I can see now why certain actions where taken and just how many times I was lied to or when medical staff did things that weren’t appropriate. None of them were major, but I still find it so fascinated just how naive I was. I wonder how things might have been different had I been a nurse when my dad or brother were dying.

When my father was diagnosed with a second bout of cancer 15 years ago, I had no information whatsoever. No one ever told me the extent of his disease and up until the last few weeks, I didn’t even realize he was dying. I know this wasn’t the staff’s fault in any way, but rather my dad (and maybe my mom) simply omitting details to protect their children. After going through hundreds of oncology files during my work this summer, I know there is no way my father didn’t know he was dying. Whether my Mom knew or not is uncertain. When my father was transferred to palliative care, I was told it was because there was no other bed available in the hospital. I believed them. Now that I realized there is generally a waiting list to get into palliative care, I feel like such a fool. He didn’t go there because there weren’t any beds… he went there to die.

I wonder if my experiences will have an impact on my work as a nurse?

Anyway, classes are done for the semester and will soon be starting my finals. Twelve days to go and I’ll be done my first semester in nursing! Crazy how time flies.

Mid-Terms: 5 down, 2 to go

I’m almost done with my mid-terms… although some of them are 1/3 terms I guess. I’ve done five so far and still have 2 left. I’ve received my score on three of them; Lab: B (I was a little disappointed but still very good), Intro to nursing: A (super easy!), Therapeutic Communication: another A and Biology: C+ (I was actually really happy with this one given that it’s a class that I’ve really been neglecting and not keeping up with my readings). Yesterday I had an exam in Principles of Nursing (I’m thinking A or B). I still have the two most difficult exams to do: Adult Health which requires us to assess, identify, analyse and identify the steps needed to care for several diseases and/or health issues and Health Impairment (roughly translated). The second one is tough because is mostly philosophy-based and quite vague.

I’m loving it so far! I mean; I’m REALLY loving it! It’s tough and requires a ton of work, but it really is awesome. I feel like I’ve found my place.

Well, back to studying!

I Saw the Witchdoctor...

... and he told me what to do.

At my Mother’s insistence I went to see a pharmacist who specializes in homeopathic medicine. He is well known locally and she was hoping he could help me sleep better and give me something to energize me. He ended up telling I was very healthy and has excellent coping skills. He still recommended some stuff so I am now taking the following pill poppers:
- Vitamin D for preventative measures
- Vitamin B Complex for energy
- Iodine to reduce eye puffiness (I didn’t even know I had eye puffiness)
- Cordyceps Sinensis for more energy
- Magnesium Glynicate to help me sleep

I’ve seen many para-medical professionals who claim they have the cure for my energy woes, but none have yet to prove it. We’ll see how this one fairs.

My meeting was actually more productive than just the vitamin burst. When he asked me what I was studying, I told him about the nursing versus radiology situation. Turns out his first specialization was in nuclear medicine. That’s when he added; you must love math and physics, huh? I laughed and explained that the math and the physics was actually the issue with radiology. He said math and physics were a big part of the field and therefore reconfirmed my decision that nursing is the right direction for me.

In other “medical” news, Pacha went to see the vet last night and received a clean bill of health! She also got her vaccines, flea/heartworm medicine and her dog license. Now she’s all set for a while. She was a brave little girl and took the shots like a trooper.

What to do next...

What has transpired in last 48 hours has been a bit of a whirlwind. But isn’t that how my life always is; much drama, contemplation and finally a solution?

The following is version of my thought process over the last few days. Much of my decision making was helped by discussing the matter (virtually) with some great friends.

It goes a little like this:

June 5 - 10 am
I’m making a sort of cyber pros and cons list in the hopes that it will bring me clarity. I realise most people won’t read my entire ramblings, but it’s a way to help me see things clearly and if by some chance someone gets to the end of my message and has some suggestions, then all the better.

Someone asked me if I was as passionate about nursing as I was about radiology. I’m not sure I can answer that question. Radiology came about while evaluating what I liked/wanted and finding the best fit. In all honesty, the thought of becoming a nurse didn’t even cross my mind. I realise how silly that is now; but I guess I wasn’t sure if the level of stress was too much for me. I’ve had a burnout before, but I don’t know if my burnout was caused by the stress of the job or if the stress was actually a result of my hatred for the work I was doing.

So what am I passionate about?
- health care
- anatomy and physiology, the human condition, the body as a whole
- helping people
- having a job to which I feel connected
- feeling like my work means I’m making a contribution to society
- having a career that offers me lots of opportunities while remaining within the same organisation. I tend to get bored every couple of years and need a change/new challenge
- knowing exactly what my role is – that doesn’t mean I don’t like the unknown or spontaneity. It means I like knowing my role within the unknown. Science is generally very structured and covered in rules and facts. I function well in a world filled with rules.
- Above all, a career that makes me want to get up in the morning

What am I not passionate about?
- math and physics
- doing a job that is completely subjective (like, say, an artist)
- never seeing any results in my work

Before going the radiology route I looked at many options such as Nutrition, Respiratory Therapy and Physiotherapy. I wanted to study in health care all while staying in Moncton . Like I said earlier, the thought of studying nursing never even occurred to me. However, I started thinking of this option in January/February of this year. I was desperately struggling with math and physics and kept trying to tell myself that it was only one year. At one point I met a girl who was pre-med (same classes as I had) for a year and a half and had recently changed into nursing. We discussed the completely different approaches to health care offered in both fields. I found it fascinating how different the classes were and how more patient centered they were. I let that stew in the back of my brain for a few months.

Eventually, I checked out the class requirements and was surprised by how much more interesting they were! At that point I thought it might be an option if I didn’t get into radiology.

Fast forward to about a month ago... I was feeling completely discouraged by my chances of getting into the program. My GPA was less than stellar and as much as I knew I was a great candidate, I just didn’t think it was enough. Of course, as my previous post states, it wasn’t. Even before I got the news I started researching my options. I sent emails to every nurse I could think of, I talked to people at the hospital and started reading everything I could find at the Health Science Library at work.

When I got the official letter I took a long hard look at my options:

Option 1 – School part-time and work full-time
- This would require getting a part-time job at the hospital comes September. Given that I’m already a casual employee here, I figure my chances are pretty good as I get dibbs on any new posting.
- Take two classes per semester (Fall, Winter and Spring) to redo Physics I and II, Chemistry II, English and 1 elective which I’d need for my 4th year. I might potentially need to do Math II as well, but that depends on how I do this summer.
- I could do French again but it’s really a hit and miss. They are all writing classes and one grammatical error costs you 6 to 8 points each. If you have even 1 bad essay your grade plummets.

Option 2 – School full-time and work part-time
- Keep working at Cora’s and essentially redo my first year in the hopes of getting my GPA closer to 3.5. If I do option 1 and bring my Ds and Cs to Bs it would still only bring my GPA to a 3-ish.
- I’m still unsure what to do about those stupid French classes
- Why is this even an option? What if 3.0 still isn’t high enough? Then what?

Option 3 – Nursing full-time and work part-time- This option would resemble option 2, but in a different field. I have 11 of the 14 requirements for my first year. In a perfect world I would like to complete it in 3 years but I have no idea if this is even possible. I fairly certain my emotions, pocket-book and sanity cannot handle another 4 years of school.

Why nursing?
I guess I never realised just how vast the field could be. Nurses are going to hate me for this, but I always thought of nurses as the ones who hold the surgical tools for the surgeon (“Nurse, scalpel please”) and the ones who empty the bedpans. Obviously, I had that all wrong. I’ve recently come to realise that nurses do it all... becoming a nurse could open up a world of opportunity and would also give me more to fall back on. With nursing I can work with patients in dozens of fields, but I can also work in research or education.

Also, my not so great performances in math and physics have been a real eye-opener. Radiology is physics-based... what if I struggle with all my classes? What if it’s not the particular area of health care for me?

Finally, what if there is a reason I didn’t get into the program? My mother always says there is a reason for everything, but I tend to look for the reasoning. What if it’s a sign that I’m heading in the wrong direction?

Why does switching make me hesitate?
Remember when Britney Spears proclaimed to the World she was a virgin and then months later she wasn’t acting very virginally? That’s how I’m feeling. For the last year I’ve been “fighting” to follow my passion… now all of a sudden my passion has changed? I can hear the people crying out: puuuuullllease! Make up your freakin’ mind already.

What if going back to school was a way to avoid reality? What if I actually don’t know what the hell I’m doing… just knew I didn’t want to be in marketing?

What if I make the switch and realise this still isn’t for me?

I’ve always said I have no regrets in life because regretting means I don’t like the path that has led me to where I am. However, what if I don’t have regrets in life because it means admitting failure? Maybe I made the wrong choice and just can’t admit it.

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June 5 – 1 pm
Some of the feedback I received from my initial message:

“Changa this is all very well thought out. You need to drop those thoughts on hesitation though, and go with the gut and heart. Fuck off to everyone that rolls their eyes at you or makes comments. Just because you decided Marketing wasn't "it" for you, doesn't mean that every decision regarding your career and future from that point on is going to be spot on.”

“I am going straight up here because you're the best and you deserve the honesty.

I think your comment about hating physics and radiology being physics-driven would push that option straight out the door for me. Do I think this is a negative? Not one flipping bit. You spent the year figuring out what specific areas of the healthcare field might be the best fit for you. If this one isn't, that's hardly the end of the world. It just positions you to understand your own skill set better.

The nursing one is standing out strongly to me. I agree that the 3.0 GPA will very likely not be enough if they're asking for 3.5, so spending another year re-doing what you've already done is unlikely to give you the opportunity to move forward. Honestly? I'd close that door.

You can do it, D, and don't spend a single second worrying that people will question or judge or whatever - you're doing the right thing and following your instincts, understanding yourself. These are all positives.”

“A very wise person once told me (recently, ha) that if you pursue something and find out it's not your passion, there's no shame in that. The only shame is in not trying to find it at all. Don't worry about what the head-shakers say, the people who really matter will want you to find what makes you happy.”

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June 5 – 5 pm
I just got back from a meeting with the director of the school of nursing and I've been accepted into the second year of the program. Just like that. It would take me three years to complete - which is the same amount of time it would take me to do radiology anyway. I'd have to take a heavier course-load for the fall semester, but come January I would essentially be caught up. If I want to, all I need to do is transfer and I'm done.

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June 5 – 6:30 pm
After a lengthy discussion with my good friend M, I realise I have absolutely nothing to loose by transferring to nursing. If at the end of my first semester I hate it (not that I think I will) then I can still try to upgrade my physics, math and chemistry classes in January in time to re-apply to the radiology program come spring.

At this point I'd be selling myself short if I didn't at least try. So it looks like I'm going to transfer!!

June 6 12:20 pm
Which brings us to today – As of this afternoon I’ll officially be a nursing student! I still have a few kinks to work out and I’m also meeting with a bunch of people to further discuss my options. I want to make sure this is the right decision for me so I’m meeting with a nurse mentor (essentially a career counsellor for nurses) next week and an actual career counsellor at the end of the month.

The more I think of my options, the more excited I get! I could work in the OR (and do more than hold the scalpel for the surgeon); I could work as a Diabetes Educator; I could work in Labour & Delivery; I could work in interventional radiology; I could teach; I could promote health care; I could be an advocate for people living with depression; I could work in paediatrics; I could work in women’s health! I am so psyched!

Side note: I'm reading a book on nursing as a career and apparently the average age of a nursing student in 2004 was 32. Well looky here - I'm exactly 32 right now! :-)

I didn't get in....

I realise most of my readers might know this already, but I thought I'd still post about it.

It's official - I didn't get accepted into the radiology program. :-( They stated it was because of my GPA and encourage me to redo some classes. UGH.

I was preparing myself for this, but there was still a glimmer of hope. Of course, I'm crying even though I told myself I wouldn't. *sigh*

I'm ok. I just wanted to share the news (even bad news) because you all have been so supportive.

I haven't given up... it just means another year of school... another year of roommates... another year of being in the poorhouse. UGH.


I'm debating on a few options:
1 - Try to get in at the hospital part-time for September and take part-time classes as well. I still have an English class I haven't done for my 4th year as well as one elective. I'll also redo physics and maybe a chemistry class.

2 - Go back full-time and redo any class below a B (while working part-time at Cora's)

3 - Quit and go into nursing.

The last one is something I've been mulling over since I started working at the hospital but I feel like I'd be crazy to switch even though it opens a world of opportunity. I think I'm just panicking over not getting in.

The way I see it, the universe wouldn't be so cruel as to not let me in the program AND have me remain single for another year, right? So I guess the universe owes me one!

I always imagined it would last longer.

Last Thursday I had my interview… the interview I had been waiting and preparing for since September – the interview that will determine if I get into the radiology program or not.

It went really well, I couldn’t have answered any question better, but I left feeling like I didn’t really wow them. I’ve had job interviews were, the moment I left I knew they were impressed. I just didn’t get that “Oh yeah, they loved me feeling”. I guess you could say I was perhaps over prepared. The entire interview lasted less than 40 minutes and I had material for a good 2 hours of talking! Since I was so prepared, I was also hoping for a tougher interview that would leave other applicants squirming.

They said the decisions would be made soon and they would be sending out letters next week. I figure I should know by the first week of June. At this point, my gut is telling me I didn’t get in. I’m not being negative, it’s just the feeling I have. My gut has been wrong before so let’s hope it is wrong this time as well.

I calculate; it’s what I do

I’ve been calculating and recalculating my GPA again. As it currently stands, my GPA is 2.46 for all my required first year classes (excluding math). I need a 2.5 so I’m going to round up and say I’m good. With all the other classes I’ve taken (which are credited to my fourth year), my GPA is 2.8. I guess that’s not too bad.

I’ve decided to redo my math classes this summer and hope for the best. If I don’t get in, it just means I’ll have that much less to take in September. I can do 2 classes per semester and hopefully work part-time at the hospital. If I pretend I pass both math classes with flying colours this summer, I can redo physics and chemistry (my lowest scores), English and one optional credit and my first and fourth years will be done.

The interviews for the program are being held from May 20 to 23. I haven’t received my invitation yet, but I’m hoping it was sent out before they got a look at my GPA! Maybe then I’ll have a chance to wow them at the interview.

I’ll keep you posted.

The Talented Ms Changa

My first day back and I’m already looking forward to the end of the day. :-P I arrived this morning to numerous questions along the lines of “what the heck are you doing?” People seem happy for me, but also somewhat sad/frustrated to be loosing a team member. It’s so odd to hear people saying; but you’re so talented! I don’t feel talented. I’m not trying to be facetious here; I really feel I don’t excel in this field.

It’s always been this way with my writing. Throughout my school years I would bounce from one teacher saying I was a wonderful writer to the next one saying I was a crappy writer. I think part of me went into communication to prove I was capable of doing it. If I was so talented, I doubt everything I write or create would be riddled with red markings. And if this field were really the one for me, it wouldn’t feel like having my teeth pulled every time I had to write something.

What defines talent in a field like marketing/communication? Is it the ability to write? To create? To innovate? By what standards are these talents evaluated. Gah! I’m so happy to be leaving this ambiguous field!

On to the new stuff!
I’m trying to decide what kind of work I’ll be doing come September. My current employer has offered me 5 hours a week to do occasional communication pieces. I’ve also got the catering gig which can give me anywhere from 5 to 15 hours a week – but it’s not very consistent. I’m trying to decide if I should work the 5 hours for my current employer + the catering gig or give up both and do maybe 15 hours of waiteressing a week.

Pros and Cons

Pros of doing 5 hours a week for current employer
Salary would cover ¾ of my required income to survive
Stable and constant salary

Cons
Writing about yucky things like children’s dental coverage
Not being able to have a clean break
_______

Pros of keeping the catering gig
I really have fun at the job
I like the people I work with
I know what to expect

Cons
Hours are unstable
Hours will greatly diminish in the New Year
Potential for some really late nights (3 AM)
_______

Pros of finding a new waiteressing job
Potential to cover my costs in one job
Tips!
The places I’m looking at would close by 10 PM at the latest

Cons
The unknown – what if I don’t like it?
What if the hours aren’t guaranteed?

Decisions. Decisions.

Give me a W… Give me an O….

Guess what? Today’s job shadowing in radiology had lots of little wows. I think that’s definitely something. I think it’s impossible to have a perma-wow in any job, but the stuff I saw today absolutely has me wanting to see more.

The first part of my visit was in the Fluoroscopy room (I think that’s what it was). I saw a few procedures where the patient drinks a barium solution and then the x-ray is taken in real-time. You can see the solution go down and coat the oesophagus and stomach. The radiologist takes shots of the images he wants while the tech preps the patient and the solutions. I’m not sure what the radiologist was looking for, but it looked really cool and was quite fascinating. I was there for about an hour and it just flew by. I didn’t have a chance to speak with the tech because she was so busy, but I did get a chance to talk with a second year student who was doing her clinicals. It was nice to talk to someone who has been doing the program I will be doing. She said she really enjoyed the program and reassured me that the physics classes aren’t as scary as first year physics (phew).



Next up: Computerized tomography (CT scans), i.e., detailed cross-sectional images of the body. You can’t work in CT with only your undergrad – you need an additional year of study. However, this is offered through part-time distance education so it’s definitely something I could look into. The CT Scans where very cool (I’m sad that I can’t seem to find more interesting words to express my experience except COOL – but that’s exactly what it was). Anyway, I think this was my favourite area (although I didn’t get to see the OR – which I think would also be extremely fascinating). I got to see brains, hands, hips and hearts. Wheeee! It wasn’t very busy so I got a chance to talk to the more experienced techs between patients. They really gave me a good view of the job.



Finally I was off to see plain film radiological technology, i.e., x-rays of the chest, bones, joints, spine, etc. It was interesting to see how the job can be very “clear-cut”, but you still have to improvise with patients who might not have enough mobility. I like that is brings creativity into play as well.



There are still a few areas I wasn’t able to see like the Operating Room, Angiography and Emergency Procedures – but it did give me a good sense of what I would be doing. There are also so many directions I can go from there! I already mentioned CT Scans, but there is also MRIs, ultrasounds, mammography, nuclear medicine and more I can’t think of right now. I love that there are so many options available. Essentially I could do lots of lateral movement in my career without even changing hospitals! I really like change so these types of options really appeal to me.

While doing research on the field, I found an interesting quote that said: The field of radiological technology is a combination of science and art. After today’s job shadowing I can certainly see that. The work you have to do to get a patient in exactly the right position is definitely an art.

Oh - one more thing - the program accepts 9 students and year and 4 of them have the opportunity to study in Belgium or England for 2 months - how cool is that?!

So *deep breath* I think I’ve made my decision – radiology it is. I can start University in September with confidence that in September 2008 there is a viable and exciting option for me.

This is where the fear sets in – I’m really going to take that leap! It’s a freakin’ scary financial leap, but I guess I just have to jump in and not look back. Eeeek!

Not the WOW I was hoping for

I just spent the morning at the hospital with Respiratory Therapists (RTs). It was interesting and I got a chance to visit different areas and talk to people, but since it was a fairly slow day, it was hard to get a sense of whether it was right for me or not. I was hoping I would get a clear, “yup, this is me” feeling, but it didn’t happen. I didn’t get an “ugh this job sucks” feeling either so it’s left me unsure.

I got a chance to see a few operations in the OR and see what happens in the ICU and ER. The OR was interesting, but there was a lot of waiting around as the RTs mostly help out when a patient is being put under anaesthesia or when waking up (if the patient is a child). From what I saw, the RTs prep the OR for the anaesthesiologist and assist them during the anaesthesia process. I was able to attend most of a little girl’s (4-ish) operation to have tubes put in. Poor little thing was doing great right before she entered the OR... once she was on the stretcher she started to cry as she was obviously scared. No one tried to reassure her and that made me a little sad. :-( I also saw a lobectomy (operation to remove the lobe of a lung) being performed. The RTs are called in to the surgery room if the anaesthesiologist has to leave for whatever reas... like having to go to the washroom, which was the case today. They let me actually look in to see what the surgeon was doing. It was surprisingly really clean! I was expecting blood everywhere, but it wasn’t the case.

In the ICU the RTs have specific patients who are on respirators or have certain pulmonary “issues” (for lack of a better term). There’s a lot of checking of the machines, making notes, doing consultations and likely making decisions (although that wasn’t very obvious to me). In ICU I also had a chance to attend rounds where the doctor, nurse, RT, physiotherapist, nutritionist and occupational therapist discuss each patient. This was particularly interesting as I had been interested in both physio and nutrition. However, their role in these cases seemed quite limited. The nutritionist asked if each patient was eating and that’s about it. The physiotherapist discussed the height of one patient’s bed and his mobility. Overall, the RT and the nurse had the most interesting stuff to report. Of course, this could just be today in particular. I have been told that physio is very repetitive and that nutrition can be frustrating because you always see patients who refuse to listen to you. If nothing else, today’s job shadowing reaffirmed that physio and nutrition probably isn’t for me.

So for now, all I can do is wait till Tuesday and see how job shadowing in Radiology goes. If I’m still unsure, I guess I’ll have to do more research or I’ll go back to the drawing board. *sigh*

Call me wacko, but I really believe that something will guide me in the right direction. If I didn’t get the wow feeling today, it might be to make my decision to do something else easier.

I have faith that I will eventually find my path, I just have to keep searching.

Speaking of – my sister told me a few months ago that the song Put Your Records on by Corinne Bailey Rae reminds her of me. Now, every time I hear it, it makes me smile because I know that I’m gonna find myself somewhere, somehow. :-)

A few excerpts from my new theme song:

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

...........

'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow