From Radiance to Ranting to Revelations

My best friend just told she is 3 months pregnant! I couldn't be happier for her and her husband. I was literally jumping up and down and screaming when she told me. It's wonderful news and I'm over the moon happy for them.


That being said, I couldn't help but feel a slight stab of pain (jealousy?) thinking about just how far I am from being in her position. Don't get me wrong! I am still extremely happy for them, I just wish I were married and pregnant too... or at least had some sort of prospect of this.

So this thought of wishing I were somewhere other then I am right now, combined with my recent desire to fast forward through the next few months got me thinking about how I live my life. I'm obviously not living in the moment right now.

Not so long ago I went out for lunch with two friends. One of them pretty much lives her life in the present (we'll call her Rose), while the other (we'll call her Blue) has no clue just how lucky she is and is always wishing for more. As usual we spent lunch discussing the state of our lives: relationships, family, career, kids, etc. Both Rose and Blue are married with kids. Blue is by far the one who has the greater household income, she's the one with the bigger house, she's the one with the husband who does absolutely everything for her and she's the one that has two beautiful healthy boys. However, Blue has never been happy. She wishes she had the neighbours SUV or the co-workers brand new designer pants or that her boys had perfect grades. At our recent lunch she said, "I thought I'd be happier by now. I thought once I was married with kids and a house, I'd be happy", She clearly isn't. It's tough to sit there and listen to Blue complain because Rose has had her share of challenged in the last few years and although I haven't had too many challenges, Blue does have many things I would like to have. Of course, Blue suffers from depression and doesn't do anything about it. I believe I've ranted about her actions before (but that's another story). Obviously, I can't help Blue... she has to help herself. Strangely though, Blue has helped me by instilling a little fear in my heart.

Am I like Blue? I realise I am definitely not as extreme as Blue, but the fact that I wish I was at some other stage in my life is a sign that maybe I am a little like Blue. What if I'm wishing the next six months away and somehow it turns out to be the greatest six months of my life? Will having a house, husband and kids make me happier? Probably not. If anything it would likely make more stressed out! :-) I don't think it's happiness I'm looking for, but simply the guarantee that I will get "there". Maybe if someone could tell me; "look, it's going to happen - you will get married and have kids so stop worrying about it. In fact, this is the date of your wedding and these are the dates of your children's birthdays". Maybe I could live my life without worrying so much. But since no one has a magic crystal ball and worrying only brings more wrinkles, I might as well just live my life for today. I mean, who knows what the next six months have in store, right?