Méli-mélo: French word meaning mish mash or jumble. Today’s post is a méli-mélo of information.
I missed a class today. I MISSED A CLASS! Gah! I feel like such a delinquent. :-( Thank goodness it was only chemistry… but still. Chemistry would be third on my list of “challenging classes” with physics and math tied for first. I guess I must have been tired because I somehow turned off my alarm when it rang and slept till 9:30 am (class was at 8:30). My next class is at 1:30 and I have been lazing around all morning instead of studying. I feel guilty about it, but not guilty enough to actually do something constructive.
Going to school is exhausting. Owning a house and going to school is even more exhausting, when I get home from class, I have the choice of studying, cutting the lawn, cleaning the kitchen or more studying. I wish I didn’t have to work part-time. It really cuts into my downtime… in fact it eliminates my downtime. I relish the days of being able to vedge on a Saturday morning with my big cup of coffee and my favourite online magazine.
What I really need is a non-student boy to either support me financially or be my housemaid. Since I can’t even find ONE respectable date, the chances of finding my very own boy toy are slim to none. Speaking of dates, I asked my French professor out. It’s not what you think; he’s no longer my professor. I found out last Friday that I had been exempted from taking French 1933. Yay! Which means that instead of doing French 1913 AND French 1933, I would only have French 1913 to do. This is a big relief, however, it also meant I wouldn’t get to see my cute French prof anymore. I decided I would attempt to ask him out. Although Dr. Couz told me I should intercept him in person and ask him out then, I just couldn’t do it so I sent him an email. Essentially, I advised him I would no longer be taking his class because of my exemption and was somewhat happy because it meant I could now ask him out for coffee. Of course, I said this in my most eloquent French. He hasn’t responded which means one of two things: a) he has a girlfriend or b) he’s afraid of the creepy stalker-student. Either way, it’s a bust.
I have to admit, I feel really lonely lately. It seems all I do is study and work… but that’s not really why I feel lonely. Even if I had some free time I wouldn’t have too many people to share it with. All of my real friends live outside of New Brunswick and the one friend I do have in Moncton is busy with an exciting life of her own. She’s married and expecting her first child next month. She has also said that, as an adult, she doesn’t feel the need for friends as she did when she was younger. She has her husband and her family and that’s enough for her. She feels seeing her friends maybe once a month is sufficient for her. Of course, I don’t think she was realizing what she was telling me when she was saying it… it was just a casual conversation about growing up and how life changes. So, to her, I’m like her period… something you see once a month.
These days, my social circle doesn’t extend much beyond my gene pool. My sisters are my best-friends and probably the only people I socialize with… oh, and my mom too. I know this is me complaining about being “alone” again, but it’s really hard. :-( I so wish I had someone to share my life with. The thought of coming home into the loving arms of a boyfriend/husband sounds so completely comforting to me these days. I wish my life wasn’t measured in pre-Mike and post-Mike time frames (Mike being my ex of course). I often measure my life in post-Mike years. We’ve been broken up for almost four years (it’ll be four years January 1) and I still count the years. Four freakin’ years and I have yet to be in love or in a relationship that has any potential for going somewhere. In these four years I’ve had lots of short lived dating adventures and one six-month relationship. Four years is half the amount of time we were together and yet I can’t move beyond validating my life on pre-Mike and post-Mike. Ugh. I really don’t get it. I’m cute. I’m smart. I’m a total catch – yet I’m still single. Why?
1 comment:
I do the work-full-time, go to school part-time, so I hear ya about getting no down time. I have none. However, I've learned that I had to make some, or my body can't handle the stress.
It's a bummer about the French prof. I went through a "I hate men" phase for three years, dated a mistake for a year before ending up with hubby. I know it's hard to meet someone when you're older, especially when you're around young 'uns. Perhaps your classmates have cute older brothers?
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