Optimal Trajectory

I heard the term Optimal Trajectory while watching the movie Men who Stare at Goats the other day. I can't say that the movie is awe inspiring or life altering, but those words struck a chord with me. The idea behind Optimal Trajectory is that for every person, given his/her beginning circumstances and innate ability, there exists an ideal path for that person's life. In other words, life is like a river, if you choose your optimal trajectory, you flow with the current and reach your goal smoothly. If you decide to go against your optimal trajectory, you’re constantly fighting the current.

The phrase didn’t stick with me because of some big life path, but rather one small element of my life: the accelerated degree. Yes; I’m still talking about it. Even though I haven’t been accepted into the program, it feels like it just won’t go away. Ever since I decided I wanted to do the accelerated program almost two years ago, I’ve been coming up against road block after road block. First it was courses that weren’t going to be credited, then it was a scheduling issue with my statistics class, then it was a rearranging of my clinical rotation and now this mishap with my GPA. It would appear that the universe is telling me this is NOT my optimal trajectory, right? Then why can’t I close that damn book and move on?

I’m still waiting on an administrative decision to recalculate my GPA so I can actually fight for my right to be in the program, but they are so slow. It’s been almost two weeks since my initial meeting with my director. I’ve called four times and still nothing. Even if I get my GPA corrected, there is still lots of fighting to do. Is it really worth it? For some reason, I can’t fight the feeling that I’m going to get into the program. With every roadblock and every bump in the road, I’ve always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it would all work out. Maybe if I didn’t have that feeling I could just stop fighting and accept this new reality but I just can’t shake it.

I already know that if I don’t get in, I’m going to have this nagging feeling until mid-July which is when the program is set to begin. From now until that day, there is still hope... which means I won’t be able to move on until then.

My Little Pony.

Well, not exactly MY Little Pony... more like, HIS Little Pony. Mr. Perfect bought himself a toy... err... a car last week: a Mustang. Oh Wait! It’s a ‘96 Mustang SVT Cobra – I think you’re suppose to say the whole thing when referring to it. For those not in the know (like me), a Mustang is also referred to as a Pony. I can’t say I’m a fan of it, but it makes him so happy and giddy that I can’t help but smile when I see it. Much to my embarrassment, it rumbles loudly and makes an awful stink, but I guess that’s the price of love.

He had been looking for one for a while now, but I believe he had a preference for one from the 80s. Having seen the look of the 80-something Mustangs, I can assure you I’m ecstatic he went with a 90-something car. He told me he loved the ones from the 80s because that’s the car he worshiped as a kid. I told him after he chose the one he bought that I’m happy not to have a car reminiscent of the Delorean from Back to the Future in my driveway! I told him he should get one from the 60s but he frowned and said if he had 100k of disposable income he would. Hah! Suddenly the ‘96 was looking quite nice!

Muscle cars really aren’t my thing and had he pulled up in that vehicle on our first date, he might not have gotten a second date... let alone the moniker Mr. Perfect.:-)

Anyway, here’s a pic from the ad :


It's not that bad, right?

Options.

I met with my director this morning and it appears my stats class was not the reason I was not accepted into the program... my grade point average was the problem. Apparently, because I was exempted from two courses last year (psychology and chemistry – due to previous classes I had done), their replacement courses aren’t included in my GPA. In other words, my GPA is calculated using my scores for 83 credits, but divided by 89 credits. I’m not sure I’m explaining it very well. :-S Essentially, my GPA is 3.2 but according to their calculations it’s 2.99 which makes me fall short of the cut off line of 3.0. According to my director, they chose to accept everyone with a 3.0 average, even if their requirements were for a 2.5. There were just too many candidates. As well, my 2.99 was a major debating point on the selection committee, but in the end, the rule said I just didn’t make the 3.0 cut off. Armed with this new knowledge, I’ve been told I’m next on the list for a spot. Should someone quit, I’m in.

But now, I just don’t know what I want. I crunched the numbers and talked to a few people today and the difference between the accelerated and the normal program is actually 3,094$ and 4 months. I’m torn between the two. My list of positive points are looking pretty good right now... if I get the chance, should I push myself for an early graduation? What’s 4 months in the grand scheme of things? My director kept telling me the accelerated program was brutal and that I shouldn’t even be pushing for it, while a recent nurse graduate told me it’s a piece of cake.

Gah! What to do. What to do.

5 months. 5 grand.

Well, it looks like I won’t be graduating in December 2010 as I had previously hoped. :-( I wasn’t accepted into the accelerated program because of scheduling technicality. Ugh. I needed my statistics course to be accepted, and because I had a scheduling conflict last Fall, I wasn’t able to do it. As I’ve mentioned before, I had been able to rearrange my clinical practicum schedule to do my statistics class in the Spring, but my acceptance was dependant on the number of applicants. They’ve always had a dozen or so applicants, but this year they had 32. Blarg. 21 where accepted.

It really sucks because students who failed practicums last year where accepted before me. I get that, in theory, there’s a risk I don’t pass my stats class, but I think I should still be accepted before people who have failed classes, no?

Anyway, I’m done fighting this. It seems like I’ve had constant road blocks with this. I guess I’m just not meant to graduate in December. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive things:
- I get to attend a real convocation - something I've been looking forward to for a very long time;
- With four classes one semester and 3 the next, it should be fairly mellow compared to previous years;
- I might work part time in health care, which means more experience;
- I won’t start working already burnt out from school;
- More time to study for my national exams;

I guess it’s not so bad, right?


...

Congratulations – You’re an adult now

I’ve now completed two rotations (neurology and psychiatry), with three to go (pediatrics, obstetrics and community health). Tomorrow I start my rotation in peds. Since they’ve had so much trouble finding teachers, they are opting for an alternative teaching style for our group. Instead of having one teacher for a group of 5 students, each student will be assigned to a nurse and we will follow her (or his) schedule for 8, 12-hour shifts. It’s actually an awesome deal for us because we get one-to-one teaching and an opportunity to learn even more. This also means I will be doing my first, “official” 12 hour shifts... both days AND nights. I've never worked nights before so it's a whole new experience for me. It will be my chance to peer into my future and see how life will be doing shift work.

Besides starting my first night shift (8 pm to 8 am) tomorrow, I’m also getting two kids and a couple of dogs. My sister and her husband and going on trip and Mr. Perfect and I will be staying with their 12 and 14 year old boys (as well as their two dogs). While they are gone I’ll be working 1 night shift and 3 day shifts... that means Mr. Perfect will be on his own for the first night, as well as for three supper/evenings while I’m at the hospital. I guess you can say it’s a dry run for the real world within a day I go from student to shift work with two kids and three dogs. Wheeeee!