Optimal Trajectory

I heard the term Optimal Trajectory while watching the movie Men who Stare at Goats the other day. I can't say that the movie is awe inspiring or life altering, but those words struck a chord with me. The idea behind Optimal Trajectory is that for every person, given his/her beginning circumstances and innate ability, there exists an ideal path for that person's life. In other words, life is like a river, if you choose your optimal trajectory, you flow with the current and reach your goal smoothly. If you decide to go against your optimal trajectory, you’re constantly fighting the current.

The phrase didn’t stick with me because of some big life path, but rather one small element of my life: the accelerated degree. Yes; I’m still talking about it. Even though I haven’t been accepted into the program, it feels like it just won’t go away. Ever since I decided I wanted to do the accelerated program almost two years ago, I’ve been coming up against road block after road block. First it was courses that weren’t going to be credited, then it was a scheduling issue with my statistics class, then it was a rearranging of my clinical rotation and now this mishap with my GPA. It would appear that the universe is telling me this is NOT my optimal trajectory, right? Then why can’t I close that damn book and move on?

I’m still waiting on an administrative decision to recalculate my GPA so I can actually fight for my right to be in the program, but they are so slow. It’s been almost two weeks since my initial meeting with my director. I’ve called four times and still nothing. Even if I get my GPA corrected, there is still lots of fighting to do. Is it really worth it? For some reason, I can’t fight the feeling that I’m going to get into the program. With every roadblock and every bump in the road, I’ve always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it would all work out. Maybe if I didn’t have that feeling I could just stop fighting and accept this new reality but I just can’t shake it.

I already know that if I don’t get in, I’m going to have this nagging feeling until mid-July which is when the program is set to begin. From now until that day, there is still hope... which means I won’t be able to move on until then.