So Busted

Since our first appointment at the fertility clinic, we’ve had a few initial tests done. Last week the clinic called and asked us to come in to discuss the results. We were nervous because we weren't done all the tests and we figured they wouldn’t be calling us in if everything was perfect. We went in for our appointment on Friday and the news wasn’t good. They’ve discovered some anomalies that makes it really difficult for us to get pregnant on our own. In theory we could get pregnant on our own, but the chance of that happening is about 0.6%. They said our best chance to conceive would be through IVF with ICSI. :-(

ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, pronounced "icksy") is an in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedure in which a single sperm is injected directly into an egg. You could say it's a step beyond IVF. With IVF they put the egg and the sperms together and hope they fertilize, while with ICSI you pay a couple grand more for the fertilization to be done manually. The doctor said our chances of conceiving with ICSI are about 40% to 50%. At least our chances are really good. I still have some testing to be done, so here's hoping there aren't any other issues.

 Obviously, we are both devastated. After a quick meeting with the doctor, we were whisked away to see the nurse who went through all the procedures and pricing and the boat load of tests that need to be done. I started to bawl, I just couldn’t control my emotions. We went from everything is normal to things really aren’t good and we were both blind-sided. The information session with the nurse was so overwhelming.... I'm not even sure I know what she said. I really didn't think I would be so overwhelmed... I'm a nurse, I should get this shit!

 Anyway, we are slowly coming to terms with the diagnosis. I actually never thought there would be anything wrong and the fertility clinic was only going to help us speed things along with an IUI because of my age. All our tests kept coming back negative, so I just never thought...

 We're definitely going to proceed with the IVF with ICSI, we just have to figure out the financial aspect of it. We've decided to focus on having this first child and not worry about whether we can have several (which was our bigger concern before the appointment). We've put adoption on the back burner because it's just too much to deal with right now. It looks like we have a few months of tests and preps to do... not to mention figuring out the finances... so maybe in the Spring.

Name That Country

About a month ago, Bentley got nipped while playing with some big dogs. It was pretty ugly looking when it first happened, but after a course of antibiotics and lots of cleaning, the cut is healing nicely. Recently we’ve noticed the wound looks like it’s gonna leave a scar... a scar that oddly looks like a country! We’ve had a debate over exactly which country it might be, so your feedback would be appreciated! Here’s what the scar looks like when you look at it straight on:

Now from some varying angles and potential countries: France?

Australia?

Not a country, but a province: New Brunswick?

USA?

Let me know what you think!

The reason why I’m not pregnant

Forget the hormonal imbalances, or the timing issues, or any other unknown issues. I think I’ve figured out why I’m not pregnant: I’m just not ready. Most of you would be shocked to hear me say these words cause I’ve been ready for kids most of my life. However, in the last few days I’ve come to the realisation that I might not be in the best place to have a child right now... and maybe the universe realised that. While I was studying, professors all told us that the first year of your career in nursing would be the most difficult and the most stressful. Nevertheless, I always thought I would be above that. However, I recently realised that the stress of the job and shift work might be getting to me. Add to that the difficult adjustment I’ve had with new medication and the subsequent weight gain associated with the new meds and I’ve just not been in the greatest place emotionally in the last few months. I’m constantly exhausted and way too overemotional, as my husband can attest. I’m guessing adding the stress of pregnancy wouldn’t have helped the situation much. So it looks like I need to get healthy. It’s time to stop whining about not being pregnant and start taking care of me... if I could just get off the couch. *sigh*

More waiting

After a year of trying, we finally had our initial appointment with the fertility clinic yesterday. I think I had so much hope that we would get all the answers yesterday, that I was crushed when they said: let’s do some more testing in the next few months and then see. Ugh. We’ve done all the testing! Now we have to pay the clinic to redo them all over again. As well, since it’s the holidays soon, the delay might be even longer. Frack. The waiting sucks. It’s already been 5 months since my first appointment with the gynecologist and now we’re talking about an extra 2-3 months. In the meantime, the doctor told us to make sure our timing was right and that maybe it would take. Yeah, cause we haven’t been doing that already. The tests we’ve done have revealed no abnormalities… the only issue is the extra loud ticking time clock ringing in my ear. I’ll be 36 in a little over 2 months and can’t help but worry we will never have enough time to have more than one kid.

Update on the Busted Babymakers

Just a quick update on the current situation: 1 - Saw my doctor this week and since all our tests came back normal and there is no known cause for our infertility at this point we move on to IUI. 2 - Just got a call from the fertility clinic and our first appointment is on November 25th! YAY! My doctor said it could take up to 3 months so I’m super excited we are getting in within a month. I’m so happy! We might even get to do our first round (and hopefully our only round) before the end of the year. Wheeee!

Those are some nice looking Fallopian tubes you got there

I had my HSG test yesterday and everything went really well. It didn’t even hurt – yay! I got the results right away and everything looks great! Yay! Mr Perfect even got me a cake:

To be fair, I started the cake trend when his test results came back perfect:

My follow-up appointment with the gynaecologist is on October 24, so for now it’s more waiting. Overall, it’s good news... Only... I feel a little sad. It’s silly, I know, but if everything is perfect, why can’t we get pregnant? It’s frustrating not having an answer, you know? Things aren’t moving fast enough for me either. I hate that we have to wait another month to find out what happens next. She has the results – why can’t she just refer us to the fertility clinic?

When are you having a baby?

That’s the question we have to get used to hearing. If the answer was simple, we would say September. No, not September 2012; September 2011... cause that’s how long we’ve been trying to get pregnant. Unfortunately, the answer isn’t that simple. *sigh*

I’ve always said my biggest fear was not being able to have children (whether biologically or through adoption) and over the last 9 months, my fears have slowly bubbled up. We’ve also run into a few roadblocks. So far, it’s nothing major, but it might be the reason why we haven’t been able to get pregnant so far. The first roadblock was discovered when my doctor sent me for a battery of tests. We discovered that my prolactin level is too high. Prolactin is a hormone which is normally produced when a woman is pregnant and when she is breastfeeding. It’s the hormone that reduces the chances of a woman getting pregnant while breastfeeding. However, we’ve all heard of woman who get pregnant even when breastfeeding so it’s not a complete loss just yet. The other challenge is my age. If I have to hear or read one more time how 35 is the deadly age when fertility starts to decline, I might just have to punch someone. However, that’s the reality of the situation. Every month that goes by, my capacity to have children is reduced. I feel like a ticking time bomb some days. Not all the news we’ve received has been bad, of course. Mr Perfect (being as perfect as he is), also has a perfect sperm count. Yay Mr. Perfect! Actually, I believe the doctor said “awesome swimmers” which Mr. Perfect has asked me to highlight anytime I talk about his junk. :-)

That being said, things are looking up these days! Yesterday I met with the gynaecologist (or vaginacologist as Mr Perfect likes to call her) and my appointment was awesome! First of all, she thinks the high prolactin might not be a concern after all and is sending me for follow-up tests. She also said that everything looks normal and that I’m definitely ovulating according to my charts. Another yay! Finally, she said she didn’t want to mess around with trying different things and wants us to get down to business ASAP. I was so happy she didn’t want to spend another year testing things out and wants to be proactive right away.

So here’s the plan. In a few weeks I will have an HSG test done to make sure I don’t have any blockages. If the test indicates everything is ok and we still aren’t pregnant, we will proceed to an intrauterine insemination or IUI, which involves way more people than I ever imagined would be present when I conceive a child. Although an IUI is generally used for cases that involve male infertility, the doctor wants to push for this since it optimises our chance of getting pregnant. Since time is a factor at my age, we are doing everything possible for a positive outcome. If all goes well, we could be welcoming a new baby as early as July of next year.

As a back-up measure we’ve looked into adoption and have put our names on the waiting list for a public adoption. Problem is, the waiting list is 8 to 9 years long! I’m not kidding. I asked the social worker if it ever happens that someone gets a child earlier than the 8 year wait and she said that in her 15 year career, one couple got a child at the 7.5 year mark. Nice. We’ve also looked into private adoption, but with prices starting at 10K for a domestic adoption, 15 to 20K for an international adoption and 25k for a US adoption, it’s a bit pricey at this point in the game. Here’s hoping everything works out and we don’t have to go that route.

In other news, we’ve decided to put the house sale on hold until the Spring. There are just too many stressful things going on right now. We’ve also discovered we need to redo the roof before selling. Add to that, the costs associated with the IUI (and quite possibly multiple IUIs) and we just aren’t in a position to double our mortgage right now. We’re still going ahead with all the renos, but we aren’t rushing to get it done in the next month. At least we’ll get to enjoy some of the renos we’ve done... right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Making our home beautiful...

... for the next owners to enjoy.

That’s right, we’re looking to move in the coming months. We still have a lot of work to do before the house is in selling condition, but we’re hoping to get it all done by the end of September. So far we’ve torn down the old patio and rebuilt a new, larger one. We’ve gutted the bathroom and installed new sub-flooring, new vinyl flooring, new toilet, new vanity and sink and repainted. We still have to install new baseboards, finish a few touch ups and paint the ceiling. I’ll post pictures once it’s 100% complete.

Although we love this house, it’s old and is in constant state of repair. To get the house to the place we would want it to be, would mean remortgaging and it would still leave us with an unfinished (almost, unusable) basement. At this point, we just need to start looking for something new.

Of course, we still have a lot of work ahead of us:
- fix and paint fence
- install new counter top in kitchen
- back splash in kitchen
- sand and paint cupboards
- fix ceiling
- Build closet in mud room
- Install closet doors in bedrooms
- Lots and lots of painting!

... just to name a few! Here’s to a busy 5 weeks!

A little late… but I’m Mrs Perfect now!

I realise I’m a month late but here is my update! I started writing out a detailed description of the day, but never got around to completing so here is the summarized version:

It was awesome!

Ok... a few more details:
Preparations
- I was super calm all day – all that planning and organising really paid off
- The morning of was spent getting ready with my sisters and mom... and except for a panicking mom, things were awesome. I did have a slight wardrobe malfunction which sent my mom into a tizzy. My sisters couldn’t close my dress... even with the corset back - but it was only a safety pined that had been added by the dry cleaners. Once the pin was removed (about 20 minutes of motherly panic later) everything was perfect. The entire time I was as cool as a cucumber (thank you anti-depressants :-P)

Ceremony
- I loved, loved, loved the ceremony! I mean, I knew I would enjoy it, but I never expected to love every second as much as I did. The entire thing lasted almost 30 minutes (which is awesome for a civil ceremony) and we included personal readings and a ring warming ceremony. I also walked in alone and Pierre met me about ¾ of the way down the aisle. I wanted it to symbolically represent that this was a journey we were taking together.
- I was so overly happy at the ceremony it was completely ridiculous! I was all smiles and giddiness
- I walked in to “At Last” by Etta James. The music started and just when she says Aaaaaaat Laaaaaaast... my nephew and niece opened the doors and there I am in all my glorious beauty. :) It was perfect. Pierre told me I took his breath away when he first saw me.
- At the end we walked out to Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” and the fun, bouncy music was just perfect for the way I was feeling
- After, we were lucky enough too great our guests as they were coming out since the sun was trying to come out.

Reception
- We had a desert reception with a dozen different decadent cakes and fancy desserts. Everyone loved it!
- We also had a photo booth that Pierre built for the occasion and I think it’s what made the ceremony go from awesome to kick-ass awesome. Hah!
- We didn’t have a traditional first dance, instead, we invited all married couples to join us for our first dance (this was not an easy task-grr). After a few minutes we sat down while the other continued to dance. Every 10 seconds or so, our MCs would ask he couples who have been married less than 5, 10, 15 years, etc to sit down until the oldest married couple was left standing. The couple had been married 54 years! I then gave a bouquet to that couple and one to the runner-up (53 years).
- We didn’t have speeches or a bouquet/garter toss and the atmosphere was more party-like than wedding... which is exactly what we wanted
- The decorator didn’t really do much... especially since I had supplied so much of the stuff myself, but I didn’t care at that point

Overall, I was so happy to see my wacky ideas and DIY projects come together. Throughout the planning I had some eye-rolling from my Mom and could see the question marks forming on peoples’ foreheads when I discussed my ideas (DIY bouquets, decor, hair fascinator, jewelry and photo booth, non-traditional first dance, no speeches, no bouquet/garter toss, dessert reception, no veil, green shoes, peacock feathers in my bouquet and hair). But when it came together – God it was perfect!

Now, the moment you’ve been waiting for – the pictures - and LOTS of them!

Here you can see a preview of our pro pics:
Pro pics!

Here are some non-pro pics. They aren't in any specific order


















The "R" on my bouquet is for my father Raymond. He passed-away when I was 17 and that was his hankerchief. The tree is our guest book... people added their thumb prints and signed their name.

We also had an awesome photobooth that Mr Perfect built and here are some of my favorites:

All the pictures printed out like so:



I cropped out the thank yous on these ones:













We realised at the end of the evening that we didn't even have our picture taken in the photobooth together... so we're calling this one our official photobooth picture:

Gooooo-ing to the Chapel and we're gonna get maaa-aaaaa-rried!

It's 7:25 on the morning of my wedding! Wheeeee! I've been up since 6:00, had my coffee and breakfast and am now ready to get this show on the road! Mr. Perfet just left to go drop off the dogs for their week-long retreat at the doggy spa. I just said goodbye to him and next time I see him it will be at the ceremony! I can't believe the day is finally here!

I think I need an update!

I've been kinda busy lately and haven't updated in a very long time. It's not that I haven't thought about posting... I even started writing a post a while ago. It started out saying "we're getting married in 42 days...". However, I never got around to finishing it and now we are gettign married in 5 DAYS! EEEK!

So here is a mish mash of updates on a few different subjects:

Changa the Bride... this is a revised post from the 42days to go post which never got posted... I'm so busy I'm just going to use it and update. Hah!
Like I mentioned a few posts ago, the invitations are out (so are the corrections) and the RSVPs are starting to roll in. We’re getting married in 25 days and panic is starting to settle in. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely no panicking about the actual wedding or the whole till death do us part stuff, it’s the freakin’ organising that gets me panicking. Right now, we’re down to the nitty gritty stuff... the easily forgotten stuff. Ugh. On the menu this week I have a whole slew of possible projects to tackle: meeting with officiant, meeting with photographer, pew markers, vows, program, schedules, linens and hair accessories... which ones shall I work on this week. *sigh*. Thankfully, the bridal shower is over and done with. Ah yes, the bridal shower... the one thing my Mom stressed over as been stressing over for weeks. I didn’t really want a shower, but my Mom insisted. She drove me a bit batty with the whole ordeal because there was “so much to do” (according to her). After all was said and done, it was a nice afternoon and we got spoiled rotten!

Changa the Bride - the update
As I mentioned earlier in the post, we have 5 days until the wedding! Wheeeee! Right now it's all the last minute running around, but I'm sure it's all going to get done. The family has started to arrive and I feel like things are actually moving along. I can't believe I'll be Mrs. Perfect in 5 days!

Changa the Honeymooner
I was finally able to switch up so shifts to get time off for a honeymoon. Wahoo!! We’ve booked a vacation to VEGAS, baby! I can’t wait! We might even get remarried by Elvis. :-P Ok, maybe not, but we could! We leave the day after the wedding and get back home the next Saturday morning.

Changa the Pup Owner
The dogs are also going away on vacation while we head to Vegas. They’ll be heading out to a pretty cool doggy resort. Well, the equivalent of a resort with lots of room to run around and muddle puddles to play in. Speaking of puddles, we have discovered that Bentley loves them... much to our dismay. Here’s a few pics of his adventure to the dog park:

Changa the Graduate



Last Saturday I received the official paper stating I have my Bachelor of Nursing. Yay! I wore the robe, I walked accross the stage, I paused for a photo op and I went home. It was a long boring ceremony, but I wanted to experience it. Now I can officially say I AM DONE! When I walked off stage, Mr. Perfect was standing there with roses (awwwww). Don't swoon just yet, though. My first reaction was, "who got me flowers... those aren't from you?" he quickly admitted they were from my Mom. Hah! I know him too well. :-)

I guess that's it for now - next time I post I will be Mrs Perfect and will hopefully have pictures.

PS: I'm sorry if there are typos... I got gel nails (a concept completely foreign to me) for the wedding and it's hard to type. Hah!

The fantabulous invitations

I'm so proud of the awesome work I did. Mr Perfect also made some kick-ass labels. :-)

Waiting for Dad

Almost every day, around 5 pm, Pacha sits by the door and waits for Mr Perfect to come home. I wonder if she does this when I'm not home?

Ummmm.... oops?

The invitations have been sent out and they look fabulous! We also sent out about 25 invitations to the reception which were simpler and was only one sheet of paper. Well, apparently I abandoned all my proof-reading skills when I left the advertising world for a job as a nurse cause I forgot to include the WEDDING DATE in the reception only invitations!!! The freakin' wedding date! Can you believe it? Looks like I'll be sending out an extra little note.

I forgot to mention... I’m a Nurse!

I just realised I never posted about my RN exam and my wonderful passing grade! Although, I seriously doubt anyone who follows my blog is unaware of this fact since I’ve been shouting it from the rooftops for weeks now. :-)

In other news, our wedding is 8 weeks away and I am so happy we decided to move our reception from our backyard to an indoor venue. Given the stat of our backyard currently, it was a very wise decision, as evidence by the pictures below:






These days, it’s all wedding talk, all the time. Things are really falling into place, though and we seem to be crossing things off the massive to do list every day. If you know me at all, you won’t be surprised by the fact that we have a website... check it out at pierre-danielle.com.

Work is also going really well and I love what I do every day. Sure, I still come home exhausted and complaining on some days, but I think that’s just part of any career.

I guess that’s it for me, these days. Just thought a quick update was in need.

Bride Knows Best

Mr Perfect headed out with his Best Man to do some shopping this week to find the perfect tux for the wedding. He quickly found out that not all grooms have the luxury of an opinion. While describing to the saleswoman what he wanted in a tux, she casually mentioned he would need to check with me regarding colours. Mr Perfect reiterated that the decision was all his. The saleswoman laughed at this notion; “your groomsmen need to match with the bridesmaids”, she added. Mr Perfect was adamant: “no matching.” Even his Best Man wasn’t on his side: “I really think you should check with Changa on this one, he insisted”. Mr Perfect came home, thinking he might have dreamt that I was such a forgiving and liberal bride. Well, Mr Perfect was indeed right! No matching with the bridesmaids and yes, he does have the final say on what he wears to his own wedding. Gasp! Can you imagine? A groom actually deciding what he wears to his wedding? Bridezillas around the world are having a collective conniption at the thought!

Of course, it does help that he didn’t have any wild notions of wearing a camo tux or a 1970’s inspired baby blue suit!



As well, I already knew what he wanted was pretty much what I wanted... but that’s beside the point. :-P

Oh the irony

Since we’ve decided not to have our wedding reception in our backyard, I’ve had to shift my “theme” to fit the venue. When I was working on the backyard idea, my general theme was paper lanterns and fireflies. Well, I’m not sure that really works in the new setting, so I’ve decided to change things up a big. The new theme is peacocks... yeah, I know, it’s a bit weird. It was the only way I knew to tie in the colours I wanted to use: green, blue and brown. The irony is, I hate birds! I mean I HATE them and they scare the bejesus out of me! Oh well, as long as I don’t have any live peacocks at the wedding I should survive!

The other ironic thing is, the reception is now being held at the Local Press Club. The only thing I hate almost as much as birds is the media and now my reception is taking place at their “home”. Hah! Actually, I don’t think journalists really hang out there anymore, so we should be safe.

Updates All Around

There are lots of updates these days do I figured the best way to tackle them was with a Méli-Mélo post.

Changa and the RN Exam
I wrote my exam on Wednesday. It was brutal and exhausting, but at least it’s done for now. Now I have 6 weeks to wait and wonder. Actually, I’m not stressing about it at all. There is nothing I can do for 6 weeks so I might as well not stress about it until I get the results. If I fail, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Besides, I’m fairly certain I scored somewhere between a 40% and an 85%. :-P

Changa and the meds
If you’ve been a regular reader, you’ll know I was diagnosed with depression (dysthemia) 15 years ago. I’ve been on my current meds for 7 years. Wow! That’s a long time. Anyway, my doctor has decided to switch my medication since there is no evidence that the ones I currently take wouldn’t have an effect on a baby should I become pregnant in the future. *Sigh* It is quite scary to think I’m going to be switching my medication at a time when I’m experiencing a high level of stress. It’ll take months to complete the switch since I have to taper two different meds, one at a time and then slowly integrate the new med. I could put off the switch until my job is more stable, but why delay the inevitable. I’m also going to do acupuncture in the hopes that it will balance out the bad effects of the transfer. Wish me luck cause I know I’ll need it!

Changa and the new job
I’ve completed my two weeks of orientation and Monday I start working on the unit. It’s scary and exciting! I still can’t believe it’s actually here. I think it’s going to take some time getting used to the idea that I’m a nurse. Wow.

Changa and the Wedding
We’ve decided to forgo the beautiful backyard reception I had dreamt about for a more practical option. I was quite disappointed in the beginning, but I’m starting to warm up to the idea and the wheel of creativity is churning! The backyard reception would have been wonderful, but the logistics of organising said reception plus a backup reception was getting to be too much. I would be essentially planning too receptions with the guarantee that one of them would not happen. We had tough of renting a tent, but if it rains the entire month of May, no tent will help with the marshland that our backyard will become! So, I think we’ve settled on the local press club. It doesn’t have the wedding-y feel I was hoping to avoid and is different enough from your typical hall or hotel ballroom to make me happy. It also means trimming the guest list will not be as stressful. We’re also meeting our potential officiant next week and we have a general direction for the bridesmaid dresses. Yay!

I think that’s it for now. :-)

Why am I cleaning out my purse?

I’m pretty sure I was studying, but now I just finished cleaning my purse... how the heck did that happen? Let’s see...

Step 1: Studying
Step 2: Reviewing info on liver function and liver diseases
Step 3: Reading that there are 5 different types of Hepatitis (Hepatitises?). I had forgotten there were so many varieties
Step 4: Wondering which Hepatitis immunization I have
Step 5: Checking my immunization record which is in my wallet
Step 6: Realising my wallet is a mess
Step 7: Going through the papers and reorganising my various cards
Step 8: Incessant need to blog about it

Seriously Changa; FOCUS!



At least I got in a good two hours this morning before the cleaning incident. It’s time for my lunch break anyway.