The Dreaded Talk

There is an issue in my life that I feel needs to be out in the open with any guy I’m dating seriously. It’s not something I’m willing to discuss online (can you believe there is actually something I WON’T talk about), but I will talk about the consequences of the talk. I’ve learned from previous mistakes that the talk shouldn’t be done too early, because guys tend to panic and run away.

There are generally four potential responses to the talk
1 – The guy can’t deal with the issue and bails
2 – The guy can’t deal with the issue, but is honest enough to tell me how he feels and we move on as friends (this has only happened once)
3 – Guy claims to be ok with the issue, but dumps me within the following two weeks. They usually wait a few weeks after the talk to make it seem like it has nothing to do with the talk.
4 – Guy is a-ok with the issue and we happily keep dating.

I’ve probably had this discussion a good 20 times in the last five years and less than a handful have fallen into the fourth category.

By now, you’ve likely figured out that I’ve had the talk with the current boy I’m dating. We talked about it between Christmas and New Year’s. He seemed ok with it, but then I didn’t hear from him for four days and I figured… here we go again. Then, out of nowhere, he asks me to go to a party his friend is throwing on New Year’s Eve. Of course, being a guy, he leaves this question to the last minute and only asks me late New Year’s afternoon. After much analyzing, I ended up going and had a nice time. It wasn’t an amazing evening, but it was fun. After that, we exchanged a couple of emails, but now I haven’t heard from him since Friday. Blarg.

At first I tried coming up with reasons why he wouldn’t write back… Saturday night I figured he was matching the hockey game… Sunday he had his son… Monday, another hockey game… but now it’s Tuesday night and I don’t think he’s going to call or write because I’m running out of excuses. :-( Even with my supposed excuses, how much effort does it take to write a freakin’ email!?

Now I’m depressed again… not depression depressed… just, it sucks being single depressed. I’m just so tired of it all! Not only do I have to find a guy I like, he also has to like me back AND not freak over the talk. If I haven’t been able to find a guy I like, who likes me back in five effing years, then how am I ever going to find one? People keep saying, it will happen, don’t think about it, but when I don’t think about it I feel like I’m not making enough of an effort to meet new people. When I don’t put effort into it I feel like the reason I’m single is because I don’t try hard enough.

Last weekend I went out with an old friend who has two kids with a guy I don’t think she likes very much. She’s been with him for three years. She’s moved out and moved back in and I don’t think they are actually “together” these days, just living together. Anyway, we talked about relationships and singledom. It was January 2nd and I was complaining that the previous day had been the 5-year anniversary of my single-ness. She sympathized with me and told me she had been single for four years when she met the father of her children. She got pregnant very early on in the relationship and just stayed with him because she didn’t know what else to do. She said she knew he wasn’t right for her, but at the same time she was just so lonely. It makes me sad because I understand where she’s coming from. I also understand that I could be her. Some days I’m lonely enough that I think any guy will do. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll just stay with the next guy who doesn’t freak out over the talk. It’s been over three years since I’ve had the talk with a guy who didn’t run away. Wow. Those are some really bad odds.