You’re Just Not the One

I met with Molly on Saturday. She’s the Bichon Frisee with the proper do. Although she was really hyper, she was also very sweet and cute. When I asked about her routine... i.e. how often was she walked, the girl looked at me with a puzzled look and responded, "Oh, I don’t walk her". This would explain the super hyperness.

Since she was already spayed and came with all her "toys", she was only slightly more than I wanted to pay. I debated about it, did some calculations and looked at my options. In theory, she was only about $150 more than a dog from the SPCA.

In the end, I asked myself the following question: "When I saw her, was I absolutely in love with her?" And the answer was no. Therefore I decided not to take her. A dog is a long-term commitment lasting longer than many marriages and I really don’t want to get a dog just because the price is right.

I’m following up on another lead in Halifax. This time it’s for a 2 year old female shih tzu. I’ll keep you posted.

It’s All About The Do

I’m going to see a dog today and am really excited. This girl had contacted me through kijiji earlier in the week about her bichon frisé. She is an 8-month old female who is up to date on her needles and has been fixed (big bonus). I didn’t know all that much about bichon’s so I did a little search and found out they are dogs with a very playful and sweet temperament. Even though they had wonderful qualities, I wasn’t sure I was a “bichon” kinda girl. They seemed a little too frou-frou fro me. But then she sent me a picture:



Gah! Look at that face! She is adorable! That’s when I realized it was all about the way she was groomed. What I didn’t like was the cheesy afro-look some bichons have:





I mean the poor pups look like they walked out of a 1970’s disco movie! Seriously, that’s bordering on abuse.

So I’m off to see this nicely style pup this afternoon. I’ll keep you posted.

Log-off; it’s a Simple Concept

I don’t understand why people don’t take the time to log-off after using a public computer. Almost everyday, I go check my emails during my break at the hospital. I can’t access personal emails while at work and since I have nothing to do during breaks; I use the public computers to do a quick check. Almost every time I go to yahoo or facebook, the last person who used the computer is still logged in. Don’t they know that I can see ALL their personal stuff!

Perhaps I’m just ubber cautious about my personal stuff, but I find it mind boggling!

My roommate does the same thing. She’ll use my computer while I’m away and not log off her facebook account. I click on facebook to see I have 274 notifications and 82 messages. For half a second I go wah? But then I realise it’s not even my account. I don’t think my roommate knows how to use facebook... I mean, she doesn’t even realise she has almost 100 messages!

Light Summer Read

I picked up a nice book to read over the summer months: Human Anatomy and Physiology. Since it's been 15 years since I did this class and have the follow-up class in the Fall I figured I'd brush up on the subject. I was sure I had kept my original course manual, but can't seem to find it, so I picked up a copy at the University Library. The book is almost 1,500 pages and weighs 9 pounds (yes I'm a nerd... I weighed it).

I started reading last night and am surprised at how much I remember! Biology was my favourite subject and lots of it just stuck. It's amazing how much information the brain retains when you're actually interested in the subject matter. The comparison between the math I remember and the biology I remember is astonishing.

Pupster

For the past few weeks I’ve been on the lookout for the perfect dog. I’ve wanted a dog for a long time now but I thought I would put it off until I graduate. Well, I’ve decided I’m tired of putting my life on hold! I can’t seem to find a boyfriend, I can’t have kids right now – I should at least be able to have a furry friend!

I’ve talked to two of my three roommates and they are fine with the idea. The only reason I haven’t talked to the third one is because I haven’t seen her (she’s the one I refer too as the ghost).

I’ve been actively searching kijiji, pet finder, classifieds and local shelters. I had found one potential pup but the owner wanted 300$ for an adult mixed breed that is not spayed (which is an additional 200$ - 350$). I think that’s a bit ridiculous. I find it amazing that so many people can get away with charging 250$ to $700 for mixed breed dogs! Plus, so may of them are not spayed or neutered… I think that’s just plain irresponsible if you’re not a breeder.

So my search continues. I saw a cutie-pie at the SPCA on Monday but he wasn’t available for adoption yet. When I went back last night my little guy was gone. He must just have been a lost puppy and his owner claimed him. Oh well. The search continues.

Kitchen Surprise

This is what I found in my kitchen when I came home tonight:

Yes. That is a tomato on the floor and a boot in front of my fridge. Confused? Don’t worry, I’m also going “what the fuck?”

One can only assume there was a struggle between the tomato and the boot owner. The tomato clearly won, causing the boot owner to lose her boot in the fight.

I’ve left it there purely for entertainment purposes. :-)

I’ve decided to begin a new blog segment called From The What The ? File. I’m hoping to have more pictures to post soon. I really regret not taking a picture of the bra, thong and bible I found on my kitchen table one day.

What happened to my dance?

Two minutes ago I was doing a happy dance... so why am I tearing up at my desk?

I emailed my sister to tell her the great news and called my Mom. Both were thrilled! I asked my sister if she wanted to meet for dinner to celebrate but she reminded me that she had to leave town for work. No biggie. I was about to call my Mom when I remembered she already had plans for dinner.

So here’s where the tears come in… I realised there was no one else I could celebrate with. How incredibly sad that because my sister has a life, my only back-up was my Mom?! That’s seriously depressing. :-(

I think I’m neurotic. For the last 2 years I’ve been either:
a) working full-time, training for a marathon and raising money for diabetes
b) working full-time, teaching learn to run clinics and training for a half-marathon
c) working full-time and working part-time
d) studying full-time and working part-time
or
e) working full-time and studying part-time.

Now that I’ve had “nothing to do” for a whole 2 days, I’ve realised I have no friends and am completely bored. I don’t know what is more depressing; the fact that I don’t have anyone I can share my joy with or the fact that I can’t let myself relax for than 48 hours.

So now I either have to learn how to relax or go on the hunt for a new activity/friend/hobby/volunteer opportunity.

YAY!

1 – I finished my calculus class on Monday

2 – I have 11 weeks of blissful study-free time

3 – I never ever have to take another math class for the rest of my life (unless I decide to go back to radiology)

4 – I got an A!!!!

I realise it took me 3 tries to do the stupid class, but I never expected an A! EEEK! I am so excited!!

If looks could kill

I just asked one of my roommates if she could wipe up the floor after she’s done taking her shower. I thought her stare was going to cast an evil spell on me. Yeesh! You’d think I was asking for her first born!

Stupid. Stupid. Math.

Have I mentioned just how much I hate my math class? I was supposed to be done with math tomorrow. I spent the weekend studying and am more than ready to get the final exam over and done with! Last night, my prof decided to extend the class until next Monday because so many people were confused. Ugh. Of course, I’m the only one who protested. He offered to have me take the exam this week, but it had to be during the day. Umm... hello? Some of us work for a living! So now I have another 6 days of lingering thoughts of calculus.

I realise it’s not that much of a big deal but I just want it over with.

In other news, I don’t have to take an additional French class this summer. I can’t remember if I mentioned this or not in previous posts, but there was some confusion as to whether I had all my French credits or not. If I didn’t, I had to do another French class before the fall semester (meaning; starting next week). Thankfully it got all cleared up yesterday.

As of next Tuesday I will no longer have any studying to do for an entire 11 weeks!

Stressed Much?

I woke up this morning at 6 am. All week I’ve been so exhausted and looking forward to the weekend so I could sleep in. I laid there for a bit complaining to myself that I should be sleeping. I finally got fed up and went downstairs for breakfast. When I got to the kitchen I saw a frying pan in the sink. It had been there for two days. Over the course of the last few weeks I have frequently washed dishes that were left in the sink because I couldn’t stand seeing them there anymore. The frying pan was staring at me… taunting me. I was so tempted to pick up and chuck it out the window! Ugh.

A little later, one of my roommates came in the kitchen and left a bowl on the counter instead of putting it in the dishwasher. I swear, the bowl was there a total of 30 seconds and I thought I was going to loose it. I got up and slammed the dirty dish in the dishwasher. Honestly, it’s quite possible she set it down for a minute and was coming back, but I didn’t even give her a chance.

While making lunch I realized another of my roommates had left a pair of shoes in the doorway instead of placing them on the shelves in the porch. I picked up the shoes and seriously contemplated throwing them outside. Instead I put them away.

A few minutes ago, I was fed up by yet another mullet bearing guy sending me a message on lavalife that I started rewriting my profile to essentially say: looser need not apply. That’s when it hit me – maybe I’m feeling the stress of the week? I mean, things did end up pretty well, but it has been quite the week! No one can be this upset over a frying pan?

I think I need to go for a run tonight!

Are my standards just too high?

I don’t get it. I seriously don’t get why men can’t live on their own. Why is it so hard to find a guy who doesn’t live in his parent’s basement? I mean, I get that sometimes circumstances arise and maybe you have to move back home but rounding out your 30s (38 to be precise) and never having lived with anyone other than Mommy and Daddy is just so wrong on so many levels.

I’m a freakin’ student and I can make it work. Is it so wrong that I want to meet a guy who wants more for himself then having Mommy make his lunch?

What to do next...

What has transpired in last 48 hours has been a bit of a whirlwind. But isn’t that how my life always is; much drama, contemplation and finally a solution?

The following is version of my thought process over the last few days. Much of my decision making was helped by discussing the matter (virtually) with some great friends.

It goes a little like this:

June 5 - 10 am
I’m making a sort of cyber pros and cons list in the hopes that it will bring me clarity. I realise most people won’t read my entire ramblings, but it’s a way to help me see things clearly and if by some chance someone gets to the end of my message and has some suggestions, then all the better.

Someone asked me if I was as passionate about nursing as I was about radiology. I’m not sure I can answer that question. Radiology came about while evaluating what I liked/wanted and finding the best fit. In all honesty, the thought of becoming a nurse didn’t even cross my mind. I realise how silly that is now; but I guess I wasn’t sure if the level of stress was too much for me. I’ve had a burnout before, but I don’t know if my burnout was caused by the stress of the job or if the stress was actually a result of my hatred for the work I was doing.

So what am I passionate about?
- health care
- anatomy and physiology, the human condition, the body as a whole
- helping people
- having a job to which I feel connected
- feeling like my work means I’m making a contribution to society
- having a career that offers me lots of opportunities while remaining within the same organisation. I tend to get bored every couple of years and need a change/new challenge
- knowing exactly what my role is – that doesn’t mean I don’t like the unknown or spontaneity. It means I like knowing my role within the unknown. Science is generally very structured and covered in rules and facts. I function well in a world filled with rules.
- Above all, a career that makes me want to get up in the morning

What am I not passionate about?
- math and physics
- doing a job that is completely subjective (like, say, an artist)
- never seeing any results in my work

Before going the radiology route I looked at many options such as Nutrition, Respiratory Therapy and Physiotherapy. I wanted to study in health care all while staying in Moncton . Like I said earlier, the thought of studying nursing never even occurred to me. However, I started thinking of this option in January/February of this year. I was desperately struggling with math and physics and kept trying to tell myself that it was only one year. At one point I met a girl who was pre-med (same classes as I had) for a year and a half and had recently changed into nursing. We discussed the completely different approaches to health care offered in both fields. I found it fascinating how different the classes were and how more patient centered they were. I let that stew in the back of my brain for a few months.

Eventually, I checked out the class requirements and was surprised by how much more interesting they were! At that point I thought it might be an option if I didn’t get into radiology.

Fast forward to about a month ago... I was feeling completely discouraged by my chances of getting into the program. My GPA was less than stellar and as much as I knew I was a great candidate, I just didn’t think it was enough. Of course, as my previous post states, it wasn’t. Even before I got the news I started researching my options. I sent emails to every nurse I could think of, I talked to people at the hospital and started reading everything I could find at the Health Science Library at work.

When I got the official letter I took a long hard look at my options:

Option 1 – School part-time and work full-time
- This would require getting a part-time job at the hospital comes September. Given that I’m already a casual employee here, I figure my chances are pretty good as I get dibbs on any new posting.
- Take two classes per semester (Fall, Winter and Spring) to redo Physics I and II, Chemistry II, English and 1 elective which I’d need for my 4th year. I might potentially need to do Math II as well, but that depends on how I do this summer.
- I could do French again but it’s really a hit and miss. They are all writing classes and one grammatical error costs you 6 to 8 points each. If you have even 1 bad essay your grade plummets.

Option 2 – School full-time and work part-time
- Keep working at Cora’s and essentially redo my first year in the hopes of getting my GPA closer to 3.5. If I do option 1 and bring my Ds and Cs to Bs it would still only bring my GPA to a 3-ish.
- I’m still unsure what to do about those stupid French classes
- Why is this even an option? What if 3.0 still isn’t high enough? Then what?

Option 3 – Nursing full-time and work part-time- This option would resemble option 2, but in a different field. I have 11 of the 14 requirements for my first year. In a perfect world I would like to complete it in 3 years but I have no idea if this is even possible. I fairly certain my emotions, pocket-book and sanity cannot handle another 4 years of school.

Why nursing?
I guess I never realised just how vast the field could be. Nurses are going to hate me for this, but I always thought of nurses as the ones who hold the surgical tools for the surgeon (“Nurse, scalpel please”) and the ones who empty the bedpans. Obviously, I had that all wrong. I’ve recently come to realise that nurses do it all... becoming a nurse could open up a world of opportunity and would also give me more to fall back on. With nursing I can work with patients in dozens of fields, but I can also work in research or education.

Also, my not so great performances in math and physics have been a real eye-opener. Radiology is physics-based... what if I struggle with all my classes? What if it’s not the particular area of health care for me?

Finally, what if there is a reason I didn’t get into the program? My mother always says there is a reason for everything, but I tend to look for the reasoning. What if it’s a sign that I’m heading in the wrong direction?

Why does switching make me hesitate?
Remember when Britney Spears proclaimed to the World she was a virgin and then months later she wasn’t acting very virginally? That’s how I’m feeling. For the last year I’ve been “fighting” to follow my passion… now all of a sudden my passion has changed? I can hear the people crying out: puuuuullllease! Make up your freakin’ mind already.

What if going back to school was a way to avoid reality? What if I actually don’t know what the hell I’m doing… just knew I didn’t want to be in marketing?

What if I make the switch and realise this still isn’t for me?

I’ve always said I have no regrets in life because regretting means I don’t like the path that has led me to where I am. However, what if I don’t have regrets in life because it means admitting failure? Maybe I made the wrong choice and just can’t admit it.

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June 5 – 1 pm
Some of the feedback I received from my initial message:

“Changa this is all very well thought out. You need to drop those thoughts on hesitation though, and go with the gut and heart. Fuck off to everyone that rolls their eyes at you or makes comments. Just because you decided Marketing wasn't "it" for you, doesn't mean that every decision regarding your career and future from that point on is going to be spot on.”

“I am going straight up here because you're the best and you deserve the honesty.

I think your comment about hating physics and radiology being physics-driven would push that option straight out the door for me. Do I think this is a negative? Not one flipping bit. You spent the year figuring out what specific areas of the healthcare field might be the best fit for you. If this one isn't, that's hardly the end of the world. It just positions you to understand your own skill set better.

The nursing one is standing out strongly to me. I agree that the 3.0 GPA will very likely not be enough if they're asking for 3.5, so spending another year re-doing what you've already done is unlikely to give you the opportunity to move forward. Honestly? I'd close that door.

You can do it, D, and don't spend a single second worrying that people will question or judge or whatever - you're doing the right thing and following your instincts, understanding yourself. These are all positives.”

“A very wise person once told me (recently, ha) that if you pursue something and find out it's not your passion, there's no shame in that. The only shame is in not trying to find it at all. Don't worry about what the head-shakers say, the people who really matter will want you to find what makes you happy.”

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June 5 – 5 pm
I just got back from a meeting with the director of the school of nursing and I've been accepted into the second year of the program. Just like that. It would take me three years to complete - which is the same amount of time it would take me to do radiology anyway. I'd have to take a heavier course-load for the fall semester, but come January I would essentially be caught up. If I want to, all I need to do is transfer and I'm done.

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June 5 – 6:30 pm
After a lengthy discussion with my good friend M, I realise I have absolutely nothing to loose by transferring to nursing. If at the end of my first semester I hate it (not that I think I will) then I can still try to upgrade my physics, math and chemistry classes in January in time to re-apply to the radiology program come spring.

At this point I'd be selling myself short if I didn't at least try. So it looks like I'm going to transfer!!

June 6 12:20 pm
Which brings us to today – As of this afternoon I’ll officially be a nursing student! I still have a few kinks to work out and I’m also meeting with a bunch of people to further discuss my options. I want to make sure this is the right decision for me so I’m meeting with a nurse mentor (essentially a career counsellor for nurses) next week and an actual career counsellor at the end of the month.

The more I think of my options, the more excited I get! I could work in the OR (and do more than hold the scalpel for the surgeon); I could work as a Diabetes Educator; I could work in Labour & Delivery; I could work in interventional radiology; I could teach; I could promote health care; I could be an advocate for people living with depression; I could work in paediatrics; I could work in women’s health! I am so psyched!

Side note: I'm reading a book on nursing as a career and apparently the average age of a nursing student in 2004 was 32. Well looky here - I'm exactly 32 right now! :-)

I didn't get in....

I realise most of my readers might know this already, but I thought I'd still post about it.

It's official - I didn't get accepted into the radiology program. :-( They stated it was because of my GPA and encourage me to redo some classes. UGH.

I was preparing myself for this, but there was still a glimmer of hope. Of course, I'm crying even though I told myself I wouldn't. *sigh*

I'm ok. I just wanted to share the news (even bad news) because you all have been so supportive.

I haven't given up... it just means another year of school... another year of roommates... another year of being in the poorhouse. UGH.


I'm debating on a few options:
1 - Try to get in at the hospital part-time for September and take part-time classes as well. I still have an English class I haven't done for my 4th year as well as one elective. I'll also redo physics and maybe a chemistry class.

2 - Go back full-time and redo any class below a B (while working part-time at Cora's)

3 - Quit and go into nursing.

The last one is something I've been mulling over since I started working at the hospital but I feel like I'd be crazy to switch even though it opens a world of opportunity. I think I'm just panicking over not getting in.

The way I see it, the universe wouldn't be so cruel as to not let me in the program AND have me remain single for another year, right? So I guess the universe owes me one!

Is The Universe Just Messing With Me?

I’ve had my profile up on lavalife for a month or two now. My usual routine is to have it up for a few days, get discouraged by the lack of potential mates and delete it. A few months ago I decided I would make more of an effort. I met a few dudes and many duds. It’s been over a year since I met a guy online who seemed actually interesting (that didn’t turn out to great either).

Earlier this week I started talking with a guy who seemed perfect. His profile said that he had never been married but was looking to settle down, he loves being active and loves kids. The more I talked to him, the more I liked him. He’s French, from a big family, has a job he loves, has an 8 year old son and he and his ex share custody and get along great, he’s 5’11 and completely my type, he’s funny and intelligent… what could possibly be wrong with him?

Last night we talked about meeting for a drink later on this week and I was psyched. While talking about his son I asked if he thought he wanted more kids. He told me it wasn’t an option as he had had a vasectomy a few years back.
Me: …..pause……oh.
Him: Had I been younger I might have had more, but as I got older I knew I didn’t want to be an old father. I’m happy with my decision.
Me: …..pause……oh.

This has never happened to me. I told him I wasn’t sure what to do now since I really wanted kids. What do we do now? Just stop talking? Not meet for a drink? He told me he understood completely and said he would like to keep chatting as friends. *sigh* I knew he was too good to be true.

I Gotta Get at Least One, Right?

I’ve been thinking about getting into the program (no, I haven’t heard anything yet). I figure the universe wouldn’t be so cruel as to not let me into the program AND have me remain single for yet another year! Things need to balance out, right? So I figure if I don’t get in the program it at least means I’ll find the love of my life this year. The universe owns me at least that much.