Not so crazy after all

An instructor for the 5 km clinic has been found and therefore I am not needed. I guess I’ll just have to go on dates on Friday nights... dating – that’s an interesting concept.

It’s Crazy Talk… Right?

As you all know I teach a Learn to Run clinic at the local Running Room. On top of this, I’m training for my fourth half-marathon set for mid-May. Of course, there is also my virtual Learn to Run clinic. So today I get an email from the store manager indicating there is no teacher for the 5 km clinic which starts tomorrow night. The girls I taught in my last clinic are all doing the 5 km clinic. The manager isn’t too bright and often waits till the last minute to get an instructor. I don’t want my girls to go without. If there is no instructor I believe the manager does the clinic and quite frankly, I wouldn’t’ wish that on anyone!

So, I’m actually considering taking on the 5 km clinic. As it stands, I run 5 times a week: Tuesday and Thursday with my Learn to Run group, Wednesday I do hill training with my sister and on Sundays I do both a 20 minute run with the Learn to Run group and a long run (12 to 20 km) with my sister. I also do a 5 km run on my own on Saturdays… which, I must admit that I am quite lazy when it comes to my Saturday run and often skip it.



If I was to take on this extra clinic I’d just switch my Saturday run to Friday. As well, I would let the manager know that I am only available to run with the group on Friday nights. He would have to find someone for the two “practice” runs.

Why am I even considering this? 1-my girls would get their clinic and 2-the extra cash would mean one less month of savings for my house.

I like being busy - especially now that I'm single again. Plus, with everything going on right now, being super busy might not be such a bad idea. But is this too busy?

But…. It’s pink!

I’ve put my utter disdain for phones aside and decided to buy a new cell phone. I’ve been feeling disconnected and confined as of late and just needed something that said, Hello World; I’m here! I saw this little guy (girl?) and just couldn’t resist. I mean, come on, it’s cute and it’s pink – how could I not purchase it!

From Radiance to Ranting to Revelations

My best friend just told she is 3 months pregnant! I couldn't be happier for her and her husband. I was literally jumping up and down and screaming when she told me. It's wonderful news and I'm over the moon happy for them.


That being said, I couldn't help but feel a slight stab of pain (jealousy?) thinking about just how far I am from being in her position. Don't get me wrong! I am still extremely happy for them, I just wish I were married and pregnant too... or at least had some sort of prospect of this.

So this thought of wishing I were somewhere other then I am right now, combined with my recent desire to fast forward through the next few months got me thinking about how I live my life. I'm obviously not living in the moment right now.

Not so long ago I went out for lunch with two friends. One of them pretty much lives her life in the present (we'll call her Rose), while the other (we'll call her Blue) has no clue just how lucky she is and is always wishing for more. As usual we spent lunch discussing the state of our lives: relationships, family, career, kids, etc. Both Rose and Blue are married with kids. Blue is by far the one who has the greater household income, she's the one with the bigger house, she's the one with the husband who does absolutely everything for her and she's the one that has two beautiful healthy boys. However, Blue has never been happy. She wishes she had the neighbours SUV or the co-workers brand new designer pants or that her boys had perfect grades. At our recent lunch she said, "I thought I'd be happier by now. I thought once I was married with kids and a house, I'd be happy", She clearly isn't. It's tough to sit there and listen to Blue complain because Rose has had her share of challenged in the last few years and although I haven't had too many challenges, Blue does have many things I would like to have. Of course, Blue suffers from depression and doesn't do anything about it. I believe I've ranted about her actions before (but that's another story). Obviously, I can't help Blue... she has to help herself. Strangely though, Blue has helped me by instilling a little fear in my heart.

Am I like Blue? I realise I am definitely not as extreme as Blue, but the fact that I wish I was at some other stage in my life is a sign that maybe I am a little like Blue. What if I'm wishing the next six months away and somehow it turns out to be the greatest six months of my life? Will having a house, husband and kids make me happier? Probably not. If anything it would likely make more stressed out! :-) I don't think it's happiness I'm looking for, but simply the guarantee that I will get "there". Maybe if someone could tell me; "look, it's going to happen - you will get married and have kids so stop worrying about it. In fact, this is the date of your wedding and these are the dates of your children's birthdays". Maybe I could live my life without worrying so much. But since no one has a magic crystal ball and worrying only brings more wrinkles, I might as well just live my life for today. I mean, who knows what the next six months have in store, right?

Can someone hit the fast forward button?

Today is one of those days I just want to fast forward through the next six months. As much as I try to be positive and in control and happy and all that crap... today I just want to scream! I want to be in my own house where I don’t have to justify every God damn action. I want to be able to go out without having to tell anyone where I’m going. I want to type away in my room without having someone comment on the speed of my typing… yes I’m serious. Apparently I type fast according to my Mom. Good Lord Woman! Give me my space!



I want to do things that are right for me and not have to worry about how someone is going to feel about it or whether I hurt their feelings or not. I want to be me and not have to worry that I told some potential date too much, too soon or not enough or the wrong thing. I want to skip over all these effing bad dates and go directly to where I am supposed to be.

Today, I don’t want to be the responsible sister. I don’t want to listen to everyone else’s stress. I can’t solve your problems. I can’t make it better so just go deal with your own shit while I mumble and complain to the online world in my room.

Yes. Can someone PLEASE hit the fast forward button.

From 5 to 27!

In my last Running Clinic had five participants (well, six actually but one never showed up). I started a new clinic a little over a week ago and I now have 27 participants! Wheeeee! I absolutely adored my last group and will miss them dearly. Since it was such a small group we became quite close. I really hope I’ll be able to get to know my entire new group as well. It’s such a huge jump in participants, but it’s also so much fun to have all these people excited to run. My sister Christine has joined me as a group leader and I think my friend Michelle will be helping out as well. I’m so happy they are able to share in this wonderful experience with me.

I’ve also initiated a virtual clinic on my favourite forum. I have 15 participants for my virtual clinic. I’m really looking forward to seeing their progress, as I’ve known many of these girls for some time. I’m so proud of them for signing up! I really hope I can deliver.

It’s back to breakfast invitations

While in a recent relationship, I realized that when you are part of a “couple”, other couples invite you out for dinner. However, when you are single you only get invited out for breakfast… or the occasional drink because apparently single girls like to drink.

So I’m back to breakfast only as the boy and I broke-up this afternoon. It was pretty much decision, but it was such a hard one to make. How do you leave someone who is wonderful… but that you just don’t feel like it will work out in the grand scheme of things? It’s not easy and it still hurts. I just hope he is ok. I feel like he’s going to hate me and so is his family – but I had to do what I felt was right. Prolonging the inevitable wouldn’t have helped anyone.