Gah! My nephew is 12!

It's Alex's birthday today and he turns 12... 12! Can you believe that? It feels like he was just a baby not so long ago. Now, our conversations are so mature and serious, it's very strange. Oh God! I've become one of those aunts who says stuff like, "I remember when you where only this tall" or “My! How you've grown!" Am I really that old? I always thought I would be a cool aunt, but I think I've become an average aunt like everyone else. Bah. Why can't I be more fun?

Sometimes I feel like I got stuck somewhere at the start of the millennium. I feel like 2000 was just last year... but then I stop and think about it and realise 2000 was 7 years ago! Alex will graduate from high school in 6 years, while I graduated 13 years ago. Holy crap I'm old! I don't feel old. I don't feel mature enough to be an adult, but somehow I am. How can that be? I thought by 30 (ummm, 31) I'd be a married, homeowner with kids and a well established career. How can it be that I'm not married, still unsure about my career, don't have any kids and living with my mother. I'm not saying this because it depresses me. Not at all actually! I'm saying this because it doesn't feel like this is my life... or perhaps it doesn't feel like I'm 31. I'm 26 and I still have lots of time to figure out who I want to be, who I want to be with and where I want to live. 26 seems like a good round number, doesn't it? At 26 you've probably been working for a few years, you don't have pressure to marry or buy a house, although you could easily do either in the right circumstances.

What was I up too at 26... let's see, I had just run my first half-marathon, I had been working at what I thought was my dream job for about a year, I lived in a gorgeous over-priced apartment, I thought I was in love and before I would turn 27 I would be engaged. Things seemed perfect. Then 27 rolled around and things started on a downward spiral... I stopped running, work was overwhelming, stressful and too much, my relationship was crumbling, I was depressed and before my 28th birthday I would be single again and living in a tiny apartment on my own. Perhaps that's why I feel like I'm only 26? It's like I went on hiatus from my life. There seems to be a significant gap between 27 and 30... a blur, even. It really wasn't until I was 30 that I started getting my life back on track... in fact, that I started living again!

So maybe that's it? I'm not 31, but starting over around 27 - like a do-over. As for Alex, he's only 8 and all is right in the World. :-)

Disclaimer: I may rant about the past, but I am who am I because of what I've seen and felt. I would never change any of it because without it I wouldn't be me... and I kinda like me.