Blarg. Take Two

It’s not so much that I’m still feeling blah, but more of a continuation of my earlier thoughts.

I just had a tear-filled conversation with my Mother. She feels like her family has abandoned her. She was upset because she feels I’m not there for her… like yesterday when I got home I just went to my dungeon instead of checking in with her. I told her it’s an issue of survival. I can’t take care of her right now – I need to take care of myself. She says she understands, but I don’t know she does.

She’s gone to see her doctor right now and all I can say is THANK GOD! Maybe I’m too much of a pro-counselor pusher, but I don’t understand why people insist they don’t need counseling! It’s not a question of needing it; it’s a question of making your life easier. If you had the following math problem to do:

(3985 x 439) – 4790 + 3958 (7485 / 74) + 3985 = ?

You could probably figure it out on your own with a lot of work. However, wouldn’t it be easier if you had a calculator? In fact, if you had a calculator and you insisted on doing the problem without it, people would whisper; look at that stubborn idiot! That’s how I see counseling – it’s a helping hand. It doesn’t mean you are a failure or that you CAN’T do it on your own, it just means you are using all the tools available to you.

My Mother claims I am not being supportive, but when did it become the child’s role to be the parent? If you have kids or will have kids, do you expect them to take care of you in a moment of crisis? Do you expect your children to be your social network if you should loose your partner? What would have happened if my father had passed away when I was a baby… would my siblings have been expected to take care of my mother? What about the person who doesn’t have a partner or kids… who takes care of them?

I think I’m frustrated because I’ve been in this role-reversal for the last 15 years. I realise I need to get over my frustration but it’s not easy - I feel like a part of my childhood was taken away from me. So how, after all these years, do I become the child again?

Hmmm… maybe going back to school is more appropriate than I had ever thought