Blarg.

This day cannot go by fast enough. Mondays in general are sucky, but today I’m feeling extra tired and cranky. Yeah, the after-effects of the alcohol are likely the cause of my bitchness, but the fact that it’s a Monday isn’t helping either.

I’m trying to work, but my carpel tunnel is really annoying me. Typing is fine, but as soon as I try to use my mouse, my wrist gets painful. This makes doing research (which is what I’m supposed to be doing) a little challenging. I’m going to see an acupuncturist tomorrow morning – I’ve hear acupuncture really helps. We’ll see.

Things on the home front are tense (to say the least). My Mom is having a bad week and making sure we are all aware of it. It’s difficult because both my sisters and I are tapped out. We don’t have any sympathy left to give… we just can’t seem to listen to her cry anymore… we all have our own shit to deal with. I know this must sound awful to an outsider, but this isn’t the first time we’ve gone through the grieving process. We grieved on our own and we’ve helped my mother grieve… right now we all just have enough energy to keep ourselves together. However, my mother doesn’t see it that way – she’s already half-mentioned that her daughters aren’t there for her. I think she is mad/sad that none of us are at her side constantly…. none of us are calling to ask her out for supper… none of us are checking in… none of us are dropping by. She sees us as selfish – yet, we’re just trying to survive.

Honestly, I have no idea HOW to be there for her. It’s like, I’ve been down this road so often that I’ve turned off that part of my brain that can help people. It’s like I’ve run out of sympathy gas.

I hope things are better when I get home tonight. Yesterday was like walking on eggshells. I hid in the basement most of the day. Ugh. 22 days to go. I CAN do this.