Hey Cuz – My Mom knows!

I took a deep breath and went for it. I went over to her place around 9:00PM – she knew something was up as soon as I walked in. I told her I had news to which she replied, oh no, what happened. I told her it was very good news. Then I just came out and said it. I told her about the months of planning, the research on careers, the financial options and of course my complete certainty that I’m making the best decision of my life. She was shocked, but after the surprise wore off she said she was proud of me and agreed to be my co-singer.

My sister Christine and I had a plan in case things went sour. She called on my cell phone about 45 minutes after I left for my Mom’s place. If I said, I’m at Mom’s chatting, you should come over – it meant, oh crap! Help me! If I said, I’m at Mom’s, but I’ll be home soon – it meant, everything is going fine. Meet me at m place and I’ll tell you all the details. We’re such geeks! Hah! Anyway, turns out I didn’t need any rescuing. When she called my Mom saw right through our plow and said: tell your sister everything is fine. :-)

She told me about my father going back to school at age 30 to become a teacher. This was just after they got married and my Mom was pregnant with my brother. She told me what a huge change in him a career change made and that if a new career is what is right with me, she will support me in any way she can.

I know she is still going to worry and be “stressed”, but her feelings are beyond my control. I don’t think there is anything I can do to make her not worry about me. I’ve also come to realize that since my brother passed-away, my mother must be feeling lost. She spent 44 years taking care of my brother… she defined herself by her need to take care of him. Now that he is gone, I think it’s very hard for her to find herself. She doesn’t know how to be anyone BUT the caretaker. On some level, I think she is struggling with her self-worth. I can see where “taking care” of me has become more important. In her mind (subconsciously), taking care of someone makes her a good person… so not having someone to care for kinda makes her less good. The problem is; I don’t let her take care of me like my brother did so she is struggling with her role. I know it’s her issues to deal with, but the fact that I now realize why she is worrying about me so much seems to help.

Now I only have my boss left to tell. In a few days it will all be official! I still can’t believe it’s actually going to happen!

I still haven’t received my student LOC, but it’s really just a technical issue at this point. TD Bank just got a new computer system and my loan application is stuck in cyber land until some techie can fix the kinks. The loan specialist I spoke with seems confident that I will be able to get the LOC with a co-signer.

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Disclaimer about the post title.
My poor cousin has been reading my blog for months and following my daily drama. Every time I see her she asks if I have told my Mom yet – she is scared of slipping up! So finally, Angela, you’re free to say anything. :-)